The Righteous Buzz

WOOT WOOT!!!

2011-11-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Double Shot got...

SCOUT PLAYER OF THE WEEK!!!!

November already... Oy.

2011-11-11T08:30:00.002-07:00

Today is Veteran's Day. I grew up an Army Brat. My son-in-law is in the Air Force. But, when I think of Veterans I think of my Grandpa. He was a Chief Petty officer in the Navy during WWII. He went to be with the Lord on July 4, 2002... Independence Day. He suffered horribly at the end. Cancer.

I am so grateful that I was born an American and for all those that came before that fought for our freedom in this country.

11/11/11... I wonder how many people are getting married today. LOL!

It's funny... well, sad really. But, all that time I couldn't talk I wanted to write a book. I didn't think I was ever going to get my voice back and put it off time and time again. Now, I really want to write it. But I need a job.

I went to Nevada to be with my Dad after he had surgery last week. It was good to get to spend some time with him alone. Unfortunately, I had another attack of optic neuritis and had to fly home like that. It is unbelievable how painful that can be! This week I had 3 doctors appointments. I can't get in to see a Neuro-Opthomologist until December. Ugh! I haven't had eye pain all week but last night I did when I went to bed. It is not hurting now but my vision in my left eye is blurred more than it was earlier this week. Double Ugh.

My mother-in-law continues to recover from her knee replacement surgery. She thinks that this surgery was the worst and complains a lot. I have to laugh. This is the best surgery yet and she's recovering pretty quickly.

The other day I read a blog I hadn't in a long time. The author is now divorced. I went back through her posts to try to figure out what happened. I felt sick about it. At the same time... I wasn't terribly surprised. So sad.

I wonder about those of us that write blogs sometimes. Many times throughout my life I've felt that I think about things other people don't... like I'm somehow different. However, through writing this blog all these years I've learned that others think about the things I do too. I think our differences are in how we express ourselves. I wonder about blogging, facebook and twitter. There are definitely pros and cons to social media. I suppose it is, like with all things, about achieving a balance.

And... procrastination. I may not watch TV but I can't spend some serious time on the computer. LOL! You can quickly connect with some people which gives you the feeling of being engaged in others' lives. Update your status, comment on a few others, maybe chat a for a bit with other people that are online. Makes me think of fast food. You can survive on it but is it healthy?

Balance... what is the balance?

Parenting via Text

2011-10-30T21:00:00.002-06:00

Double Shot is a Red Shirt on his college football team. For those unfamiliar with the college football world that means that he is part of the team but can only practice this year which will make him eligible to play the next four years... which also means he has 5 years to complete his bachelors degree. Colleges do this so that they can hold on to those kids that they see potential in but want more time to develop in skill and size.

Double Shot is on the Scout Team which is used each week to prepare the starters for games. Every Sunday night they have a meeting and one kid is named Scout Player of the Week. This is the only formal type of recognition Scouts can get and Double Shot has been wanting to be named Scout Player of the Week... BAD. He has been doing really well in practices playing several different positions. There have been a couple weeks where he was sure he was getting it... and didn't.

By the way, Double Shot is getting EXCELLENT grades!!! In fact, he got 101 on one of his midterms.

Anyway, we usually get a call from him on Sunday night to tell us he didn't get Scout Player of the Week. Tonight that call did not come. So I texted him.

Me: Victories that come easy never compare to those truly fought for. Keep doing your best. You are in God's weight training program and the muscle you are building is in your character. It hurts but in the end you will be stronger. You are a great football player but that is just a gift... How does God want you to use it?

Double Shot: Is that a quote?

Me: LOL! No it isn't a quote. It's straight from your Mama's heart. But you can quote me!

Double Shot: haha okay. :) and of course i didn't get it again. and i deserved it again

Me: You are always my Scout Player of the Week!

Double Shot: geee thanks :p haha

Me: And you are the most handsome boy ever!

Double Shot: i have *friend who is playing football for another college* thinking about coming here. i always help my football team and get no glory. i might as well play o line. haha

Me: Sometimes we have to be content just knowing what our place really is. Also, it is often those overlooked that have the most influence. Glory can be a twisted thing that can destroy a person. Don't wish for it.

Me: Let the recognition you seek be your place on the team. Remember you have not been overlooked entirely.

Double Shot: my place is on the field. i know im not full of it. i have been playing really good

Me: Dang. I should like totally write these texts down. I am rockin' the sage Mom advice tonight! You should like totally listen to me!

Double Shot: haha. do it! make a blog of wise mom quotes or something

Me: Double Shot... You are a football player. From even before we let you start playing at ten. YOU WILL TAKE THAT FIELD. Just don't know when...

Double Shot: better be next year. haha i am good enough. it is freaking d2. i could play now.

Me: Oy. Battery dying. LOVE YOU TONS!!

Double Shot: where you at?

Me: Home

Double Shot: plug it in then! haha

Me: Gotta go clean the kitchen. Booper says he misses you and that he hates that Fat Beast Browny that gets to go wherever he wants and gets ginormo blobs of peanut butter.

Double Shot: hahahahahahaha

Jobless...

2011-10-25T09:00:00.001-06:00

Well... I really LOVED my job. I could see myself doing that job until I couldn't work any more. Unfortunately, my contract ended early. I always knew that my job could end at the end of December but it was a bit of a shock to have it end 2 months early and just days after a huge and very successful event (it was not a fundraiser... just a neat outreach to the disability community). One of the sad facts of working for a non-profit ministry is that funding can dry up pretty quick. I am so grateful for the experience, all the wonderful people I met, the really cool relationships that were built with some, and the financial provision over the last ten months.

My mother-in-law's knee replacement surgery went well yesterday.

Oy... there's actually quite a bit going on. But... you know what? God is on His Throne and I am going to put my trust in Him.

Checking In...

2011-10-09T15:30:00.001-06:00

How do people that work maintain blogs? I obviously have not figured that out.

These pictures are from my Mountain Man and are from a hike he did last week... Mt. Massive.

I have "crepitus" in my knees and need to have them looked at but am waiting until after a big event I've got this week.

My sweet little Frappy is in Spain for the semester and has a blog if you are interested in learning about the area she is in.

Fly Boy and Chai Tea are living in Florida... very close to Destin. Yes, I am jEaLoUs.

We got snow yesterday but it melted later in the afternoon.

Double Shot is doing well in college. He's on the Scout team which scrimmages with the starters before games. He cracks us up talking about the upper class men that are on the football team with full beards and kids. Being a red shirt is frustrating and he's hoping to take the field on special teams next year.

And he has a girl friend. She's actually here and lives down the street. We've known her family for years and often spend holidays together. Her name on this blog is Sweet Tea. LOL!

Cuppa Joe, Frappy's boyfriend of 3 years, graduated from college in May and has been working in Denver. Now... he's being transferred to Texas for two years and has to leave before Frappy gets back from Spain.

Pumpkin Spice, my mother-in-law who lives with us, left for a couple months to visit relatives in Washington and to take a trip to Hawaii. She got back on Friday and has her best friend from high school coming for a week before she has her other knee replaced on October 24th. She had the first one done in January and then had spinal fusion in April. Her dog, Browny, who is now 13, is still alive and still smelly.

It has been the craziest year!!! We kept thinking things would slow way down in September but they didn't... Whew!

Did I kill my blog? Is anyone out there any more?

LOL!

Booper makes me Laugh!

2011-08-04T19:15:00.000-06:00

A Tuesday...

2011-08-02T21:00:00.001-06:00

Mr.Macchiato took this picture last month when he hiked Mt. Huron. I had to stay home and read a bunch of material for the class I took in L.A. later that week.

There is a guy with spina bifida that comes into the office to help me once or twice a month. He came to my open house when I first started the job because he wanted to volunteer. He just turned 20 last week and I really enjoy spending time with him.

This last Sunday I went to a church to observe their special needs section. The people used to go to another church where I had gone before and helped out a few times. It was wonderful to see many of the same faces again.

Afterwards we all went to Culver's for lunch. I took three people with me in my car and my sandal broke as we were leaving the sanctuary. It was so sweet how one of the guy's was very concerned that I was burning my foot on the pavement as we walked to the car. As we walked into the restaurant he held my arm. He likes to dress in combat gear and is pretty high functioning. In fact, he works as a custodian and lives on his own. He told me that no one is allowed to touch his combat boots which he keeps very nice. As he was leaving the restaurant with his ride home he came up to me and told me I could touch one of his boots.

I took the other man that rode with me to the restaurant home. He has Down Syndrome, is high functioning and also lives alone. He informed me that he will be turning 42 later this month and told me about the places he's worked. He was let go from Del Taco because they didn't have enough work for him. He is now trying to get a job at Taco Bell. He told me about his "Honey" and how after 13 years he wants to "break the ice" with her so he went to the mall and bought her a necklace. He very politely shook my hand and thanked me for the ride home and then told me how much he loves to go to church and is glad that he has somewhere to go again.

There were about 35-40 of us in the restaurant. I sat back and observed how others in the restaurant reacted toward our group. It was interesting to me that there were some that were openly annoyed by our presence. There was a family with small children that the parents even appeared to be angry. Most people just looked quickly at the group and then averted their eyes as they found tables for themselves. Some people would look over curiously but then also quickly look away if anyone looked toward them. Then there were some people that were friendly and acknowledged our presence as they walked past.

I think most of us have been raised not to stare at people that are different. I even taught my children that. I don't know though... in a way that training can foster an environment of invisibility. In Africa there is a group of people that greet one another this way, "I see you," and the reply is, "I am here." I think most of us want to be acknowledged on some level. I've been told many times by those with intellectual disabilities that they like me because I am nice to them. So often they move about their lives on the fringe... in the shadows.

Hello Monday!

2011-08-01T12:30:00.001-06:00

I'm eating my lunch at my desk today... and posting on blogger. LOL!

Our weekends are always so jam packed that Mondays are a relief. They are also a clean slate. Today is an especially wonderful Monday because it is the 1st day of the month, making it an extra special "start over" day.

Yes, I started a DIET today. Stop laughing.

I might just stick to it this time. I spent part of the morning in the lair of a skinny 19 year old film school student. I took part in a family retreat for families affected by disability in June and hired him to film one of the days. We are attempting to make a promo video so that we can do it again next year. Many families affected by disability cannot afford to do this sort of thing and scholarships can make that possible. I'm in a good bit of the footage and was... well... inspired to really get serious about getting in shape. Only time will tell how long it will last.

Rainbows Make Me Happy!!!

2011-07-29T15:00:00.005-06:00

I took these pictures on the way home from work yesterday. It was raining at the same time.

There were a bunch of other people that had pulled over to take pictures too...

Isn't it funny how different people are... yet, how much we are all alike at the same time?

I once heard a woman from Ghana speaking and she said something so profound it stuck with me. She said that a woman's pain is the same in any language. All these years later and I still think about it.

Karl

2011-07-28T21:00:00.004-06:00

Today did not go as I planned.

I let myself into my friend's house so I could get Karl up. I sat with him while he ate his breakfast and then waited for him as he got dressed. I was worried I would scare him but he just sat straight up in bed when I lightly tapped his foot, fully alert.

As I was driving Karl to my friend's office we talked about the episode of The Price is Right that we had just watched while he was eating breakfast.

Karl: How is that man going to get everything he won home?

Me: I'm sure they have a truck and will deliver it.

Karl: That man can't get all that stuff home by himself. I bet they have a truck and will deliver it.

Me: Yup

Karl: That's a lot of stuff. He's going to have to pay Uncle Sam 25%.

The conversation was repeated many times with a few variations.

Karl: I'm going to the zoo tomorrow.

Me: You are? What is your favorite animal?

Karl: Giraffe I think. If I see a Gorilla or a rattle snake I'm not going to touch them. They are dangerous. They might bite me.

Me: That's probably a good idea.

I went back to the house with Karl and my friend and there were several shootings last night being covered on the news.

Karl: I had to turn off the TV. People have been shot and killed. It makes me feel sick in my belly. I can't go out after dark. I have to save my skin. It will save my life. I am smart.

He then went to see if he could find something else to watch...

Karl: I had to turn off the TV. It's the Soaps. I don't like that kissy kissy stuff.

My husband and I will be seeing Karl tomorrow night. At his birthday party. He will be 58.

I'm glad that I changed my plans this morning so that I could help my friend. Like the flower in the picture above... Karl is different and... Karl is beautiful.

Dogs, Dogs and More Dogs...

2011-07-27T10:00:00.000-06:00

Guess What?!!? I've got Grandpuppies!!!

This is Gizmo and he is 4 months old. He is a little Shi-Poo... which is a Shih Tzu Poodle mix.

Oy! Blogger is giving me trouble typing text under pictures and I've not the time or the patience to mess with it another minute. LOL!

The next picture is of Maizy and she is a 5 year old Shih Tzu. Like Taffy, she is one of my mom's retired breeders. Chai Tea has been waiting for her for a long time.

Taffy doesn't seem quite happy to have two more little dogs in the house. LOL! Benny LOVES little dogs and is thrilled. Maizy does not like him at all though. Probably because she's afraid he might hurt her. He is a big clumsy thing!

It's Tuesday...

2011-07-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

This was taken in Swaziland last year...

Another busy day on tap. I've got a meeting with the local crisis pregnancy center today. Did y'all know that 90% of people are choosing to abort their babies after learning they have Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida? Did you know that people are even choosing to abort babies with correctable defects such as Club Foot and Cleft Palate at alarming rates? Sobering... isn't it?

I'm still having a hard time processing everything from my trip to Africa last year. Throw that in with what I'm doing now and there's a lot going on in my head.

I understand completely why people point to suffering in this world and question the very existence of God and/or the heart of God. I think it is only natural. As I've grappled with these feelings and questions myself I've found myself on a path that is filled with ups, downs, twists, and turns. It is definitely a journey... a journey, I am finding more and more, toward HOPE.

The Times, They are a Changing...

2011-07-25T04:45:00.004-06:00

I am up much too early this Monday morning... Mr. Macchiato took the day off to go hike another 14'er with a friend from church and I couldn't go back to sleep after he left. My mind clicked on and that was it.
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Our family has been going through so many changes... I got my voice back in February of 2010, my mother-in-law moved in with us last summer, I went to Africa last September, our oldest daughter got married last December, I went to work after 22 years as a stay at home mom in January, and our youngest child graduated from high school in May. Throughout all this my mother-in-law has had knee replacement and spinal fusion in the midst of the craziness of our son's senior sports schedule with his playing football and qualifying for the state championships in wrestling. Whew!
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Things are about to slow down...
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Our son-in-law's training is coming to an end and he's been stationed in Florida. Chai Tea has been visiting my Mom in Washington for the summer and will be coming home tomorrow for about two weeks before she moves to Florida.

Frappy, now a senior in college, will be studying abroad in Spain for the fall semester. She took a class this summer up at school but will be home the second week of August for a couple weeks before she leaves for Spain.
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Double Shot is leaving in two weeks for college. He has football camp before classes begin.

My mother-in-law went to Washington last week and will be there for two months visiting ending with a trip to Hawaii. When she gets back home she'll be scheduling the knee replacement for her other knee.

September is going to be very quiet with just Mr. Macchiato and I...

I've been waiting for this time with great anticipation. However, realizing Double Shot is leaving in two weeks this morning...

OH. MY. GOSH.

Am I really ready for this?

I'm feeling a sense of panic beginning to rise...

What I Do

2011-07-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

This is the graveyard of wheelchairs right outside of my office, LOL!

I plan events to reach out to the disability community, help churches develop disability ministry, and am working on a disability ministry network.

I've got an event tomorrow so I've got a lot to do today. If I'm really going to step back into blogging I figure I just have to get back into that habit... even if it means a short post like this. LOL!

My Crazy Life

2011-07-21T08:00:00.000-06:00

My goodness, I've not been on blogger in so long that I can't figure out how to get the program to let me put text under each picture. And I don't have the patience to figure it out, LOL!

The top pictures are on a hike in Colorado. I haven't gotten to do many of those lately. The incredible sunset was taken in the parking lot of the restaurant we celebrated our 25th Anniversary of our first date. Yes, we celebrate that anniversary, LOL! The next day I left for California on a business trip. The last picture is the sunset in Denver as we were leaving the airport after Mr. Macchiato picked me up... after we waited in line for 45 minutes to report my lost luggage.

I love my job. LOVE IT!!!

My life over the last year has mirrored a sitcom similar to Everybody Loves Raymond or King of Queens. It's definitely an adventure here at Casa de Cafe'.

I'm attempting to get back into blogging... and going to the gym.

I make myself laugh!

Greetings from Sunny California!

2011-07-16T21:43:00.006-06:00

Devastation Across the South...

2011-04-28T07:30:00.000-06:00

Picture lifted from the Associated Press

As I was looking through the news reports online this morning my heart was breaking for all those across the south affected by the tornadoes yesterday. So many have lost so much and yet the sun is shining brightly here in Colorado Springs and we are going about our normal routine.

This picture hit me hard. These men praying... I can't find the words. It is a beautiful thing to know that there are those right there in the midst that are seeking God. No doubt their hands and feet are busy today as they meet the practical needs around them.

Praying...

Good Friday

2011-04-22T16:00:00.001-06:00

"I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness. And if any one hears My words and does not believe, I do not judge him, for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world."

John 12:46-47

Hello Monday!!!

2011-02-14T08:00:00.001-07:00

My Mama e-mailed me and asked me to please post something to get rid of that awful spider! LOL!
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I have been busy busy to say the least! I LOVE MY JOB!
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I am going to get back to blogging on a regular schedule.
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No, really. I am.
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I've got a plan!
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However, it's going to be another week or so before I can implement that plan.
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Because...
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Double Shot is going to state for wrestling!!! Woot Woot!!!
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That happens later this week and then we will be SPORTS FREE for the first time in years and years... and YEARS! All of his sports have overlapped. Since he signed on to play college football, he decided to give up his last season of high school baseball to concentrate on conditioning and, hopefully, getting bigger.
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And today is Valentine's Day... which also happens to be our first baby's birthday!
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HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY

CHAI TEA!!!

Yikes!!!

2011-02-01T11:00:00.001-07:00

Things here have been HECTIC to say the least...
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That there is a female Hobo spider. Poor Booper had been sick for days with a swollen face before Double Shot and I took him to the vet on Sunday after I got back from taking Mr. Macchiato to the Urgent Care. On Thursday night we thought he'd been bitten by Browny because his face was swollen and he was bleeding on his upper lip. My mother-in-law said he hadn't but that she thought he'd gotten his face stuck in the fence barking and snarling at the neighbor dog. He also had an ear infection that I cleaned out and treated that night. Then Friday morning he started vomiting... all over our carpet in our bedroom. He seemed okay Friday day and evening and I fed him regular food on Saturday. We were gone all day at a wrestling tournament and there was no evidence he'd been sick when we got home. Sunday morning the vomiting began again in an alarming amount and while the swelling had gone down in his cheek his eyes had become swollen. After running many expensive tests the vet said it almost looked like a spider bite from the inside of his lip...
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LIGHT BULB!!!

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Thursday morning Benny was having a fit in the kitchen and when I went to see what was going on he had chased a large spider up the wall. I killed it and threw it away and never gave it another thought. That picture is exactly what the spider looked like. Benny got several shots and is now doing much better.
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Our wallets are empty. Holey Moley. $613. 86 for the vet and $60.00 for the co-pay at the Urgent Care. Mr. Macchiato most likely had an attack of gastritis. Fortunately, after 4 hours it just stopped.
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We are trying to adjust to my working in the midst of my mother-in-law's surgery/recovery and wrestling season... right on the heels of the Holidays and Jessica getting married during which I was really sick with bronchitis. My Christmas stuff is still piled on the ping pong table in the basement.
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Things should be settling down soon. My mother-in-law is improving and getting around much better than before (which isn't saying much at this point... but she'll get there). Wrestling will be over February 19th and Double Shot is not going to play baseball because he wants to focus on conditioning for football. National Football Signing Day for colleges is tomorrow. Yay!
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We, like much of the country, have got some wicked winter weather. Actually, it is quite beautiful here right now with the sun shining brightly. We got some snow yesterday but the real story here is the temperatures. We will only have a high of -1 degree today with wind chills -25 to -35 degrees. Obviously, I don't know how to do the little degree sign on the computer. LOL! Double Shot's school is closed and the building my office is located in is closed. I'm doing some stuff from home and will try to get to that Christmas stuff... bathrooms and laundry first though.
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I am LOVING my job! There is so much I am learning. Today will be a month end report and expense invoice. I am so glad I am married to an accountant! I'll be having him check things for me. The absolute best part of my job is all the people I come in contact with!
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Please keep JoJo in your prayers as she's going through cancer treatment. Also, our pastor's 32 year old daughter with down syndrome is having her fourth open heart surgery today. She is an absolute joy to all who know her!!!

WOOOO HOOOO!!!

2011-01-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

DOUBLE SHOT

A.K.A.

THE BOY

BEING

SIGNED

COLLEGE

PLAY

FOOTBALL

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Working Girl

2011-01-18T20:46:00.008-07:00

See that there sign?!?!? The Coffee Bean! Of Course, I thought that was really cool!

My trip to California was short, jam packed and wonderful. Unfortunately, I didn't get many good pictures. This is the best one I got of the ocean. Seriously. I did see it and smell it!

The only dog hair I experienced last weekend was brought there by me... and quickly disposed of once discovered! My bed was heaven with clouds for pillows!

The hotel was beautiful.

I can assure you there are NO flowers blooming outside during January in Colorado!

My mother-in-law is progressing slowly. She still is not feeling well much of the time. Home healthcare professionals have been coming to the house to check on her and for physical therapy.

Today was my first day in the office all day. I was surprised by how quickly the time went. I ran home at lunch to check on my mother-in-law, let the dogs out, switch out laundry, and to vacuum and mop the main floor. Oy!

This is definitely going to be an adjustment...

The Job

2011-01-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

Last summer I received an e-mail from a lady at our church forwarding information on a job she thought I might like to apply for. I was very interested and I did. In fact, I've never wanted another job as bad as I wanted that one. I was a finalist for the position but in the end the contract was offered to another.

During the time I was going through the interview process with that job I got a call from my friend, Elysa, asking me what it would take for me to join them on their trip to Africa in September. I told her it would take a miracle and that I actually hoped to be working. As y'all know, it was just days after I learned I didn't get that job that she called asking me if I believed in miracles and I did go to Africa with them. Had I gotten the job that trip would not have happened.

When I got home from Africa we were so busy that my job search was scaled back quite a bit. The fact is there just aren't many jobs here in Colorado Springs right now and between my mother-in-law moving in, Double Shot's sports schedule, the Holidays and Chai Tea's wedding... I thought it would be better to wait until after Christmas anyway.

Well, I got an e-mail from the building manager where the office for that job is located letting me know that it had opened back up. I e-mailed the guy in California that had interviewed me and the ball was set in motion.

Prayer... sometimes the answer is Yes... sometimes the answer is No... sometimes the answer is Wait.

I am technically an Independent Contractor and not an employee of this organization. I've signed a one year contract to act as their Project Coordinator in Colorado Springs. It is a job that holds deep meaning for me and I am so excited to be able to do it! Unfortunately, I need to be vague about it on the blog.

And guess what? I'm going on a business trip in a couple days. I am really excited about it!

My mother-in-law's knee replacement surgery went well today. She can't come home until she can walk stairs and once she's here home health care professionals will come each day to check on her and do physical therapy. She could come home before I leave or be in a rehab facility until I get back. It all depends on how fast she heals and gains mobility.

Needless to say, things are really hopping busy around here... still. Oy!

Well...

2011-01-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

I GOT THE JOB!!!!

Oh my goodness...

Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me throughout my job search!

Do I ever have an amazing story to tell you!

PRAISE GOD!!!

Running crazy today...

Oh My Aching Back...

2011-01-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm grumpy.
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The Glad Game isn't getting it for me.
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My back has been bothering me. I've been to the chiropractor and that helped but... not for long. I can't go there every other day!!!
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I'm not supposed to take Ibuprofen but I have been. Sorry kidneys.
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I'm waiting to hear about that job. I was notified that I am, once again, a finalist for the position. Sigh...
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My house is so dirty I can't stand it. I had the time alone to clean yesterday but between my back and checking my e-mail every 10 minutes I didn't get far. In order for the house to be clean I have to be cleaning it without ceasing... and I could never leave. It is very frustrating and the dogs... Good Lord. We live in a BARN. There is dog hair everywhere... and dog footprints... and dog slobber... and I'm the only one that wipes their feet correctly when they come in from the backyard. I hate it when I go somewhere only to look down and see gobs of dog hair all over me. I seriously need to vacuum at least once a day, only I don't.
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Pulling my hair out.
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Screaming silent screams.
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The Glad Game...
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I am glad I live in a materialistic world where I've accumulated so much crap that I can't keep it straight and I'm glad my animals live more comfortably than millions of children all over the world.
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Pass the Prozac.

The Glad Game

2011-01-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Let's play the Glad Game!

I'm glad that while my bumper was crumpled yesterday, the truck I backed into sustained no damage whatsoever.
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I am glad that after surveying the damage and backing out a second time, the car next to me also was not damaged as I smeared paint from my front bumper along its dirt encrusted side.
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I am glad that on my third, and last, attempt backing out of that spot that the pedestrian that just decided to walk right between the car next to me and my front bumper was not injured.
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I am glad that my husband, son and the entire west side of Applebees was able to witness said event.
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My front bumper.

My back bumper.
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My car is in the shop this morning. We immediately got two estimates after this happened and are more than happy to go with the quote for just under $500. How two estimates can be so far apart in price amazes me.

I really am glad I did not damage the other cars. OY!!!

The Sun Has Set on 2010

2011-01-03T08:00:00.001-07:00

Happy First Monday morning of 2011!!!
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Are you excited about what this new year may bring you?
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I am blown away as I look back over 2010 in my life. It was in February that I was able to speak clearly again after a 5 year long struggle with Spasmodic Dysphonia. I am still so very thankful for this blessing and all the freedom that it has brought me!
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I am so grateful for our family, friends and church! We have wonderful people surrounding us!
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My trip to Africa... I did not see that coming and am still trying to wrap my mind around all of it.
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We have a new family member in the form of a son-in-law... who we LOVE.
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My mother-in-law made it through 2010 without injury and is having her knee replacement surgery one week from today.
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2010 was an incredible year for our family! I am very much looking forward to what 2011 has in store!

We Survived...

2010-12-27T09:30:00.001-07:00

Wow. That was one crazy week for our family! It turns out I had bronchitis with double ear infections. Not good! I was pretty sick for a couple days but the doctor put me on some pretty strong medication and we were able to get what we needed to done. All of our Christmas shopping was done on Christmas Eve. Yikes!

Browny... up to his usual tricks!

Fly Boy's mother is Thai (his father is American) so he and Chai Tea made a huge spread one night. Unfortunately, I was upstairs in bed and didn't get to enjoy it with the family. What I did have was wonderful!

These are called, "Son-in-law eggs".

YUM!!!

I didn't do my usual baking but we got so much delivered...

That was a good thing.

I had hoped the bronchitis would counteract my cookie consumption...

Nope.

Chai Tea and Fly Boy got married on December 23rd... on the day that would have been Mr. Macchiato's Grandma's 100th birthday. She went to be with the Lord last year just two months shy of her 99th birthday. Chai Tea picked that day to get married for that reason. It was a stunning morning with all the trees encased in white framed by the beautiful Colorado blue skies.

In keeping with tradition in our family... the day included some sit com style drama. Fly Boy's family is from Biloxi, Mississippi, and we had not met them. They drove 22 hours straight and did not get in until the day before. We invited them to come to the house before we all left for the courthouse (Chai Tea and Fly Boy wanted a civil ceremony) so we could talk a bit and take pictures.

Our house was a wreck. By Colorado standards it is a small home and bursting at the seams with people, pets and stuff. Add to that Christmas decorations that include a large tree and... oy. I thought we'd have time to get everything cleaned up. It was just too crazy. When they arrived I was just out of the shower and had to do my make-up, hair and get dressed. Then as I was dressing I noticed that my lace cover up had a stain on it... I was horrified. I didn't have any other suitable options so I stood staring at myself in the mirror like a deer caught in headlights. It already looked like I snatched it off of one of my grandma's tables... the stain along with my clodhopper shoes that were too big just completed the picture. What could I do? I schlepped downstairs.

Our living room and dining room was wall to wall people and I found it very uncomfortable. I tried my best to be as welcoming as I could. I felt enormous next to his family. I rarely wear shoes with any kind of heel on them and when I do I have trouble walking graciously. Shoot... I never walk graciously anyway. I'm a 5'11" giant. Fly Boy's mom has got to be barely 5 ft tall. Fly Boy is taller than Chai Tea and she's 5'6 1/2" (jokingly referred to as the short one in our family) but he's the tallest in his family by far. I couldn't help but wonder what they would think of my little brother who is nearly 7 ft tall.

We got through the small talk, shoved a couch up against the dining room chairs so we could try to take pictures in front of the tree, and then left in a four vehicle caravan for the courthouse with Chai Tea and Fly Boy in the lead. I questioned what she was doing when she didn't take the turn I would have but there are more than one way to get places so I wasn't too concerned. That is, until she didn't take the next four or five options and we ended up on the freeway. We would still be able to get where we were going in a long, round about way... until she missed that exit. His parents, in possession of a GPS, whipped around in front of them and took the lead.

I thought all was good until they all passed the courthouse. I then whipped around in front of everyone and lead the way. We were cutting it close so we hurriedly dumped our change into the meters and ran into the courthouse where we were informed by a security guard that we were at the wrong courthouse. Chai Tea was none to happy with me right about then. He gave us directions and we all ran back to our cars to rush to the other courthouse. Chai Tea and Fly Boy were once again in the lead but she went to turn on the wrong street. I drove up alongside her honking my horn and yelling we had to go straight and turn on another street. She didn't believe me and there was shouting back and forth and then, once the light turned green, she gunned her car and drove all crazy to get in front of me.

Once again we all hopped out of our cars, shoved change into meters and ran up the courthouse steps... to the wrong entrance. We then had to run around the building to the entrance and were brought up short by the airport like security complete with trays to put all your belongings in. Chai Tea had a knife in her purse that apparently she carries for protection that we had absolutely no knowledge of. Double Shot was given the job of running it back out to her car. The bride and groom along with his parents made it through security and ran to find the judges chambers while the rest of us waited for Double Shot to get through.

Once we were all up on the 5th floor we ran into the rest of our party now running back the other way. When the judge's secretary saw how many of us there were she had the couple go into his chambers and quickly took the rest of us into the courtroom where we all took seats in the jury box. We all had a few minutes to joke around about the craziness before they came in for the ceremony.

I had never attended a civil ceremony before. It was a bit surreal and I felt like it all went too fast. The judge was wonderful and the words they chose were not all that different from a church wedding. And then I sat there, in a jury box, the mother of a married child...

The kids' appointment with the judge was originally for 5 pm and we planned to go straight from the courthouse to the reception which started at 6 pm. They decided to close the courthouse early that day for the Holidays and moved their time up to 2 pm which threw a monkey wrench into things. I had planned on taking Frappy with me to decorate the banquet room at the Italian restaurant we had the small reception at in the morning. With the time change we decided to take care of that after the ceremony so we left with the friend who was taking pictures for us to go do that while the kids went to check into their hotel and the rest found something else to do for a couple hours.

The Reception went off without a hitch and we were very happy with the time spent with family, friends, and good food.

The Boquet...

The Reception...

The Cake...

Oh My Goodness...

2010-12-20T07:30:00.001-07:00

I'm in serious need of prayer!!!
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I am very sick. My head is no longer hurting like it was and I'm thinking clearly but it hurts so bad when I cough that I could cry. I was supposed to make the wedding cake this morning with my friend (you put it in the freezer so it is easier to decorate and we were going to do that Wednesday). I still have shopping to do for the reception. I have not bought Christmas presents. I have not mailed my parents presents.
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My daughter is getting married in 3 days...

The D Team in Swaziland

2010-12-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

D-Team Swaziland Africa from Adventures In Missions on Vimeo.

We worked with the D Team, a group of young Swazi adults, while in Africa. These kids are amazing and I'm pretty choked up watching them on here this morning... I want to go back.

Be One!!!

2010-12-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Difference of ONE from Children's HopeChest on Vimeo.

I know some of these people in this video from my trip to Africa.

Welcome to Brown Town

2010-12-16T20:00:00.002-07:00

Coffee Bean stuck this hat on me. She wanted a picture of all us dogs in front of the Christmas Tree in ridiculous get ups. We are dogs. We always have on clothes in the form of FUR. Well, I don't play games. I ditched that stupid hat right in front of the tree and she never got it back on me. I've still got some moves left. Do you know she calls me "The Walrus"?

Oh yeah. This is as good as it got and it is blurry.
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Take that Coffee Bean! By the way, 4 pairs of panties and untold numbers of socks. I'm good. I can open her bedroom door. You'd think she'd learn and keep her laundry up off of the floor.

Really. Do I look like a Walrus to you? Where's the respect? And what is with saying I stink all the time? I smell mighty fine! Let's talk about Febreeze... that stuff STINKS! I produce my own form of Grecian formula that keeps my coat shiny and leaves the hands of those that pet me with a film that smells of toe jam and swass (swamp + ...). It is AWESOME!!!
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I ask you, where is the LOVE?!?!

I am 12 years old. That is 84 in dog years. Coffee Bean should bring me treats every two hours just because I am still alive.

Right now would be nice.

Well, Well, Well...

2010-12-15T08:30:00.001-07:00

Chai Tea used to go around saying Well, Well, Well... when she was around 3 years old. She got it from her Grandpa and it was so funny to watch her walk around with her hands on her hips saying that.

WeLL, wEll, Well... Guess WHO is a morning person?!?!?! My in 8 days son-in-law FLY BOY!!! He is sleeping in Chai Tea's room while she is locked in the basement until they are married next week. I came downstairs this morning to find him wide awake. Chai Tea was also up and chatty but... hE He hO Ho he... that is an aberration. She's just excited he's here right now. That girl wasn't even a morning person as a baby. I would stand at the end of her crib and jiggle it in the mornings trying to get her to wake up. I couldn't believe I got the baby with the internal alarm clock of 10 am.

There is justice in this world.

Mr. Macchiato and I took the excited couple out to breakfast at Village Inn.

There's an app on facebook today on what your top words used in your status updates for 2010 were. I, of course, was curious.

1. Morning

2. Oy

3. Need

4. Happy

5.Oh

6. Boy

7. Don't

8.Tonight

9. Friends

10. Titans

Morning is my #1 word?!?!? Hilarious!

Mornings are good. All you morning haters need to get with it and see the light! It is called the Sun. God turns it on every day when it is time to get up.

For the next 8 days I am no longer alone in this house of morning haters. Awesome.

2010-12-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

Fly Boy is on a plane right this very moment and headed our way...

My house is not clean. Yet. I will be the white tornado when I get off of here.

I got an e-mail from someone yesterday that threw me for a loop. The job I wanted so bad last summer is back open. Dare I go for it again?

I think I ate a dozen cookies yesterday.

What's Up?

2010-12-12T21:00:00.001-07:00

Taff Taff the Raga Muff

Benny giving a serious handshake

Tuna Noodle Casserole ala Kelly... made with red bell peppers and green peas to make it Christmassy. There's some pepper jack cheese in there too. The leftovers are rotting in our fridge.

I got a haircut.

A super duper short haircut!
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Mr. Macchiato has never liked short hair.

Mr. Macchiato: Wow... that is short! I like it though. It is sassy. You look very middle aged.

Me: Middle aged? (totally giving him the you are on thin ice look)
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Mr. Macchiato: You are hot for someone in their forties.

Bless His Heart

(that's a southern thing)
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Men. They just don't get some stuff.

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I just love our Colorado sky!

The senior parents at Double Shot's school do a special luncheon once a month for the kids. I'm in charge of this month's. This very large basket contains 250 cookies made by moi (chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, pumpkin, and sugar cookies). This could have been unbelievably stressful but a couple of angels in the form of other moms have blessed me immensely!

One of them is my helper. I'd just think about calling her and she'd beat me to it. She took care of all the e-mailing and tracking of donated items. To me, this is the hardest part with these type of events. Really, I feel like she's the one that put this together.

I was thinking I was going to have to make all of the breakfast burritos myself (It's a breakfast themed lunch. What?) when I got an e-mail from another mom offering to make all 100 of them herself. I couldn't believe it! I was just starting to feel the pressure and having that part of the luncheon taken care of like that was such a relief!

It will be nice to get that done with tomorrow. I am in just get through the next thing mode. When I think about everything I start to panic. We are always busy this time of year but this year it is much more so starting with Thanksgiving. I'm fine as long as I concentrate on the next thing...

I have not even started my Christmas shopping.

PaNic.

Tuesday... Fly Boy arrives. He and our Chai Tea are getting married on the 23rd.

PANIC!!!

Found!!!

2010-12-10T14:00:00.001-07:00

Here He is!

He dropped his money... and was quite upset about it.

I wonder how I would feel if someone took a picture of me in one of my worst moments and posted it on their blog... None to happy I expect. That's why I make sure that when I do posts like this that the person is unidentifiable. That makes it better, right?

Right???

Probably not...

Oy.

I need to clean. And do laundry. And bake cookies.

And... stop eating.

And... get back to exercising.

But... it is the Holidays.

Sigh.

My Little Princess

2010-12-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness...

I can't hardly stand it!

Taffy is aDoRaBLe.

She makes my heart go pitty pat!

She has many nicknames...

Taff Taff

Taffinator

Piglet

Miss Piggy

Little iddy biddy furry snuggly buggy

and now...

Prozac

I have never allowed a dog in my bed... until her.

This little baby takes showers with me.

Is that weird?

It is just easier and she doesn't shed so it's not like I'm getting dog fur on my naked body.

Okay, it is totally weird.

No one is ever going to read this blog again.

You know what else?

I hug and kiss and blow raspberries on her belly.

I can't help myself.

BOOPER!!!

2010-12-08T09:30:00.001-07:00

Mama doesn't know what to blog about today.

No post yesterday because she was gRuMpY.

Call up Mr. Macchiato and push ALL his BIG RED BUTTONS gRuMpY.

She was fine after he went nUcLeAr.

Sometimes... Ya just gotta have some company in cRaZy ToWn.

All is good today.

She found these pictures from 2008 while looking for a picture she once took of a guy that was crawling around on the ground at the drive-thru ATM trying to retrieve all the money he dropped.
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He was using swear words in nEw and uniQue comBinations that she remembers and laughs about to this day.
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Yes, she took a picture of him.
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She is BAD like that.

There are pictures of her and Mr. Macchiato in this album where they both double as BEACHED WHALES.
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Mr. Macchiato lost all his weight.
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She's got a waaaaaay to go.
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He goes to the gym regularly.
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She does NOT.
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She has a list of eXcuses 4.8 miles long.
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No really.

She could get off the computer and take me for a walk...
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yes! Yes! YES!
A walk! A walk!
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Pretty Please?!?!
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Excuse #17: She has stuff to do... like laundry, and cleaning and Christmas stuff. Looks a heck of a lot more like blogging and facebook to me!

Oh, The Things I've Made My Children Do...

2010-12-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

These pictures are from 2008. If you know our last name you will get the over the top cheesey-ness of these pictures.

Being a Mom is so much fun sometimes... I think that someday they will appreciate these photos.

Life with Browny

2010-12-02T22:00:00.001-07:00

Earlier tonight I came home to Browny wearing a pair of my panties that he destroyed on his collar. Mr. Macchiato's cousin told my mother-in-law to do this when he shredded a pair of his socks in a hotel room when they were on their way out here. He said he wouldn't like it and would stop doing that because he wouldn't want to bear the shame of having to wear his bad behavior around his neck. This is the second pair of my panties he has eaten in two days.

I ask you... does Browny even look remotely ashamed of himself?

Is it possible there is actually a glimmer of remorse reflected in his eyes?

I say, NO!!! He looks quite pleased with himself actually! Afterall, he's got panties on his collar! How awesome is that! If they fall in the proper position he may actually get to nibble on them some more. How convenient!

Benny says, "What the Heck?"

Browny... the reason I now need hampers with lids.

The Pause Button

2010-12-02T08:30:00.001-07:00

Boy oh boy...
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I've got a lot I need to get done today! The day did not start off well either.
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I started to say there is nothing worse than waking up to a dirty kitchen and caught myself. One of the side effects of my trip to Africa is being taken back by some of my attitudes, thoughts and sayings.
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It's as if someone hits the pause button and I stop to consider what I've just thought or said.

I am feeling overwhelmed this morning by everything I need to accomplish and the fact that I seriously do not have the time to put any of it off to another day. Our schedule is pretty much jam packed this month.
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There is a lot worse than being stressed due to a busy schedule and mundane tasks...
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Guilt is a quiet but vicious beast.
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I'm not going to give in and beat myself up. I've spent too much time wallowing on the self-pity train. Yes, self-pity. I've felt sorry for myself because I can't change the world. I've felt sorry for myself because I've squandered opportunities. I've felt sorry for myself because we've got ourselves locked into our own little world and have our hands tied in many ways. Guilt, in my case, only paralyzes me.
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So what can I do? The answer I've come up with is to fully engage in this life I've been given. Today that means I need to do laundry, wash dishes, dust, vacuum and iron. It isn't exciting stuff but I am thankful that I can do it.

Morning Madness

2010-12-01T07:30:00.001-07:00

Breathe in... Breathe out...

The boys are gone, as in Mr. Macchiato and Double Shot. I have my cup of coffee, the dogs are at my feet and now my day can begin.

Y'all would not believe what it takes to get that boy out of bed and moving in the morning. In fact, there is a hole in his wall right by his door that is currently covered by a poster from when I was pounding the wall in an effort to rouse him one morning. My husband has a hard enough time getting himself up and moving and ends up yelling almost every morning.

When my husband hollers his voice jars every cell in my body. He is so loud that I almost always think of that line from A Christmas Story, "My father wove a tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over lake Michigan to this day." Some poor hiker up on Pike's Peak may have just experienced a serious case of the heebie jeebies as the wind howled past carrying faint traces of the tirade Mr. Macchiato just had right as he opened our front door. Mornings like this I often wonder if I should take the cross down from our dining room wall that is visible through our front window. I already don't allow any sort of bumper stickers that identify us as Christians on our cars because we'd be a bad witness on the roadways.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though. He'll be graduating in May and then off to college next fall. I just hope that isn't the light from an oncoming train instead...

Holiday Weekend Rundown

2010-11-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

Well... there was yelling at my house on Thanksgiving. Moi. My head spinned around a few times and then popped right off. This is a certain unnamed daughter's room. I don't go in there very often and was under the assumption that since we were having a bunch of people over that she would clean it. Nope.
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We all survived.

I didn't take many pictures because I was pretty busy and not thinking about it. I got some surprises when I looked through them later. I'm not the only one around here that likes to take pictures of the dogs.

We had 16 for Thanksgiving... twice. We ate early because two of the kids had to work (one of ours and one from a family that came) and then ended up pulling everything back out later in the evening to eat again.

We played Mexican Train...

Someone left their sunglasses behind.

Benny is holding them for a ransom...

The day after we spent with friends in the country. I fed Llamas.

Taffy with Christmas bow.

Taffy with her Christmas bow messed up.

I thought I was going to be able to get all the Christmas decorating done by last night. No. I've got a good start though. My mother-in-law got in last night with Browny and Mr. Macchiato's cousin while my guys were still on their way home from the Bronco game. The weather was pretty nasty and we got a bit of snow.

Benny's reaction to Browny shocked me. He tried to attack him right there in the doorway. It took a good two hours before we could let Benny loose around him. I thought we were going to be rushing dogs to the vet for sure. I don't know if it is because Taffy is back and Benny didn't want Browny here or what. It was a total stressfest!

Mr. Macchiato's cousin will be here until tomorrow afternoon so we'll be doing some touristy stuff today.

Happy Monday!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2010-11-25T03:30:00.001-07:00

Praise God from whom all blessing flow!!!

The Day Before Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

The heat is on! This is a quick post because I need to run to the store for the last minute items. Frappy's boyfriend, Cuppa Joe, is joining us for Thanksgiving and they will be arriving this afternoon (their college is north of Denver). My house is currently a mess!

2008

Lil' Tip #1

Take a picture of the food before part of it has been eaten.

2006
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Lil' Tip #2
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Make sure the pan is big enough for your turkey!
This did not come out well...

Lil' Tip #3
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If the marshmellows on top of your sweet potatoes catch on fire...
scrape them off, throw them out, and try again with new ones.
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Bag of Tricks: Holiday Crisis Cleaning 101

2010-11-23T09:30:00.002-07:00

I grew up in a house that was always what I call Company Clean. There was some stress associated with living that way so I adopted the motto Clean Enough to be Healthy but Dirty Enough to be Happy. What that really means is I lowered the standard. That standard was further lowered when my back was broken in a jet ski accident in 1993. Around here we definitely have a difference between the way the house looks day to day and what it looks like when company is coming.

Over the years I've read many magazine articles, websites, and books on time management, organizing and cleaning. I've pulled many ideas from many sources to find what works for me. I've also helped a lot of friends tackle their houses. Ask my family. Whenever I did that our house went to pot and I didn't fix dinner. What I lack is a certain level of discipline to keep those practices I know and believe in going.

I had big plans... I was going to clean the carpet, touch up the paint in different rooms, make curtains for the laundry room and wash all the windows and blinds. Those things are NOT going to happen.

Bag-O-Tricks (in no particular order):

1. Make yourself look presentable. There's nothing worse than having to run your kid to the ER in mismatched clothes with greasy hair.

2. Drink something that gives you energy! If you need to, run to the corner gas station and get an energy drink. 5 Hour Energy shots are the best. Eat something too! You don't want to get the jitters or feel nauseous.

3. Shut down all the computers in your house.

4. Turn on some old music that you know well and that gets you moving. My mother often listened to Neil Diamond so I have some Pavlov response to it that makes me want to grab a toilet brush, sniff Pine-Sol and get busy. I also like Abba, Simon and Garfunkel and Jim Croce when I am in a cleaning frenzy. When I'm done writing this post I will be the Dancing Queen.

5. Run through the house and get all the laundry, sort it and get it started. Determine which loads are most important (towels, sheets, clothes, etc.). If you haven't done laundry in ages and have 27.8 loads, bag them by load in tall trash bags separating out the loads that must be done because you need what is in them. Take all the other bags and toss them in your attic, your crawl space or your storage area. You can pull them out when your company leaves and finish the job. It is very important you bag them by load so you can find things later.

6. Go through each room in the house and put everything where it goes. It helps to have laundry baskets or bags to be taken to their proper room so you aren't running back and forth through the house...unless you want to practice what I call Aerobic House Cleaning. We happen to have four levels so the running up and downstairs gets old quick. If you don't have time to put everything away find somewhere to shove those baskets... closet, under a bed, etc. Confession: I have laundry baskets in my storage area that contain homeschool papers. I stopped homeschooling in 2007.

7. Clean every bathroom. No, the Master bathroom is not safe. Whenever you have a bunch of people in your house someone at some time will need to use the bathroom. They will assure you they do not care what the bathroom or your bedroom looks like. If you don't want your friends or family members to meet the mold that personally hands you your soap in the shower each morning or see all the stuff you wildly threw into your room from the doorway... clean it up. Very important note: Do not leave bleach soaking in the toilet. There is a chemical reaction that takes place when mixed with urine. It forms a gas that can cause your husband to fling himself out of the bathroom sans pants with accusations that you've tried to kill him. He may remember it for all time and refuse to carry life insurance above a certain level.

8. If you don't have time to dust and vacuum everything thoroughly, dust all the flat surfaces, clean the mirrors, dim the lights and burn candles... everywhere. Unless you've got little kids coming. They may have learned how to put a candle out by an older kid by using their fingers and be alone in the bathroom with a candle burning and decide they want to try it but wrap their fingers in toilet paper first... which will catch on fire... which they will throw in the trash... Don't ask how I know this.

Really, the truth is, most people don't care what your house looks like. In fact, if your house is too clean and organized they may not want you to ever come to their house. Holidays and special occasions are, or should be, about relationships. Do what you can to make people feel comfortable (which means some of y'all might want to mess a few things up) and focus on what really matters, your family and friends.

Thanksgiving Tips

2010-11-22T09:30:00.007-07:00

The Holiday Season is officially here! On this fine Monday morning I'd like to start a little T & A series, as in tips and advice. Through the unholy matrimony of my gift of hospitality and my curse of procrastination I have acquired a unique set of skills that I'd like to share with y'all as you head into your Thanksgiving preparations.

First of all, I'd like to explain that Thanksgiving is my husband's favorite holiday. And why not? With the oh so holy coupling of food and football, he also doesn't have to buy me, or anyone else, a present. Perfect! Years ago he decreed that all Thanksgivings must be spent at our home, giving him ultimate control of the remote and a belly full of food made by me. That old saying about the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is true. There's no story here of my husband being overcome by my beauty and grace upon first sight of me. No, we both attended a picnic at a park with a group and he loved my potato salad. After one bite he decided he was going to ask me on a date. All that time spent with Grandma in her kitchen paid off. I was 19 years old.

My first experience preparing a Thanksgiving Feast was at the ripe old age of 23 while newly pregnant with our second child. I need to explain my little phobia of bones... While I am a carnivore, I do not like bones or skin. I don't want to see them or touch them and definitely don't want to eat them. There is nothing that nauseates me more than watching someone eat ribs. I am a polite person and will eat what is served in other's homes but it can be difficult for me.

To illustrate my point, when my son was around 7 years old he was sick and we stopped at the grocery store on the way home from the doctor. While we were looking through the meats he saw a package of drumsticks and got very excited. I felt bad because he really liked them so I put them in the cart. He jumped up and down through the store yelling, "Yes! I get chicken with bones in it!" I don't think I need to tell you we received some rather odd looks from the others in the store.

The hardest part of that first Thanksgiving was preparing the turkey. My need for things to look a certain way superseded my fear of bones and skin. How could it be Thanksgiving without the image of a nicely browned turkey on the table? I knew that you pulled the neck out from inside the turkey. Well, first trimester + bone phobia + shoving my hand inside a cold turkey carcass to pull out the neck + visual of the neck = yeah. No bueno for me-oh. Total pukefest. Then there was the fact that I had no idea there was a little bag with giblets stuffed inside the neck hole. Why on earth would I lift that flap of rubbery skin to look in there? Well, that bag of giblets exploded out the front of the turkey near the end of the cooking time.

Those of us who regularly host Thanksgiving know well the amount of time that goes into making that day special. It goes beyond preparing a special meal... there's the planning, the shopping, the cleaning and the cooking. I've yet to pull off a Thanksgiving 100% to my satisfaction. There always comes that point, usually within hours of our guests arriving, that I realize I can't meet my own expectations. That's when The Beast begins to bubble up in my soul. My eyes dilate, my blood pressure and heart rate both increase, and I hand out lists of things I want help with. Then someone pushes my BIG RED BUTTON with, "The house is fine the way it is."

My wanting everything just so + days of thinking and preparing on my part + severe lack of sleep (I am usually up until 1 or 2 am and then get up at 5:30 am) + way too much coffee + feeling like no one cares about what I might want to make Thanksgiving special for me (clean house) = Wild haired, crazy eyed, psycho BEYOTCH from the very pit of hell that is badly in need of a shower... And I'm a church lady.

So why do it? Why not just make a reservation at a restaurant or finagle and invitation elsewhere? Because, except for those two hours before our guests arrive, I love it. I really do. I just wish I were better at it and each year I hope that I'll finally achieve pulling off a stress free event.

Today's Tips:

1. If you don't have one, make a plan of action. Write down what has to be done before Thursday and then go through the list and spread those things out over the next three days.

2. If you haven't done your shopping, write down your entire menu and then create your shopping list. Don't go shopping right away! Put the list and a pen in your pocket or take it with you from room to room as you do other things around the house. You will think of other things you need. Write them down immediately.

3. The best time to do your shopping will be right around 7 am. The shelves will all be stocked and the aisles will be clear. I've gone at 6:30 am before and had to work my way around the stockers and all their pallets. You want to be sure they are all gone but it is still early enough to not be crowded. This week the stores will get crowded earlier than usual.

4. If you are like me and going to be using your china that has been sitting in the china cabinet since Easter... pull it out and wash it. If you don't have the time... just wash the cups, wine glasses and the top plates and bowls to remove any dust that has accumulated. This is also a good time to dust the inside of the cabinet and clean the mirrors.

5. Today would be a good day to deep clean all of your bathrooms and to keep that washer and dryer humming along.

**Comment from Paul Mitchell: Oh man, you forgot the most important tip for Monday. Since Butterball underestimates the thawing time for an 18 lb turkey by about 30 times, put the danged turkey in the sink TODAY or you're going to be deep frying a frozen turkey Thursday morning. Thanks Paul!

You will not want to miss tomorrow's post on crisis cleaning!

Fabulous Friday... Right???

2010-11-19T09:30:00.007-07:00

Blogger is frustrating me this morning... It won't let me move the order of the pictures. I give up!~

Mr. Macchiato took me out for a super fancy dinner last night to celebrate our anniversary. We had a wonderful time and everything about it was just perfect! We don't go on dates like that very often so we really enjoyed ourselves.

This morning I was surprised by this glorious sunrise as I let the dogs out. I knew it would pass quickly so I grabbed my camera and ran out into the street barefoot and in my pajamas. Hey, you do what ya gotta do!

Absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!

I never get tired of the sky here... never.

I had elk steak last night. It was aMaZiNg!

Mr. Macchiato had antelope. It was also iNcReDiBlE.

WOW!!!

This was an amaretto chocolate cake that was more like a brownie.

It was YUM!!!

I normally do our grocery shopping on Friday mornings but since we've been taking the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class I've been trying to be smarter about my shopping habits. I didn't have time to go through coupons and store flyers yesterday so I've decided to wait. I've already got most of our Thanksgiving shopping done anyway. The week before last I spent $177 on groceries with a savings total of $115.46 through store promos and $37 in manufacture coupons. Yes, I am proud of myself. Last week my Mom was here so I didn't have the time really map things out and did the bulk of my shopping at Wal-Mart. I still saved over $15 with manufacture coupons but my experience at the check out was one of the reasons I stopped using coupons years ago. I had everything organized and it should have gone quickly... Oy. Some checkers just do not do well with anything other than simply scanning stuff.

I don't know if I'm ever going to get a job. It is really depressing. I couldn't even get an interview to be one of those people that hands out snacks at Costco. To apply I had to take an IQ test online. Seriously. And I didn't get an interview. I took that like a punch in the gut.

I had an interview a several weeks back and talked to the guy earlier this week. That may yet pan out but we'll see.

Sigh...

Dave Ramsey is having giveaways every day for the next 20 or so more days. Today's giveaway is just for desk calendars but the other day was for $2,000 cash... and another day he had 10 video cameras. You have to enter each day for each giveaway. We've been learning a lot through this course (some of it makes me want to crawl under a rock and never come back out... so wish we'd done some of this stuff from the get go). Check it out.

It is Fearless Friday over at Angela's and Sweet P's over at Tiffany's!

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!

Hilarious Blog Post Inspires Blog Post

2010-11-18T00:00:00.005-07:00

I love the Daddy blog, Poop and Boogies. I really enjoy reading about family life through the eyes of the man. Yesterday I popped over to see if he had anything new up and read this post. I about busted a gut when he mentioned that he puts on his pants if he and his wife are arguing and it is that statement that has inspired this post.
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Mr. Poop and Boogies is so right about disagreements/arguments starting in the bedroom because that is when you are alone and most often able to speak openly if you have children... or as in our case now, and have a parent living with you.
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Why did his statement about having to put on pants amuse me so? Because I have to have on a bra. In fact, a big clue for Mr. Macchiato that I am mad is I change into my jammies in the bathroom with the door shut. And if I'm really mad... I've even been known to climb into bed fully clothed, and I'm talking jeans. It must be a vulnerability thing.
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People are strange... we really are not all that different when you think about it.
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That got me thinking about other things I do and wondering if other women do the same sort of stuff. Like, for instance, if I'm really mad about something and am going to let Mr. Macchiato have it... I dress in something I know he really likes and do the best job I can on my make-up and hair. I know well after nearly 25 years with this man as a part of my life that he's much more apt to being sorry if I look and smell good. Those arguments that sneak up on us when I haven't showered and am wearing mismatched clothes or holey sweats and am just out and out ugly don't go so well. Not. At. All.
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I'm pretty passive aggressive. I don't do well with direct conflict at all. In fact, I don't talk and squeeze my eyes shut tight when we argue. I can honestly fall asleep in the middle of an argument. This drives Mr. Macchiato CRAZY! I choose to do things like... not lay out his clothes the next day or iron his shirts so he goes to work looking like a bum (he can't match stuff and never gives himself enough time to iron something himself). Or make him a lunch. Or dinner. Or do his laundry. If I'm really pissed I'll lay out dirty underwear. Sometimes one of those is his only indication that I'm upset about something. It's bad if he gets it all at the same time.
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Of course, there are the times I blow up. Interestingly, he responds to that more favorably but I just can't do that all the time. It takes too much out of me to get to that point. It always amazes me when he starts chuckling when I've gone off the deep end. I buy myself a one way ticket to cRaZy Town and... he laughs.
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My ability to communicate is a bit of an illusion. In person I can relay past events and the feelings behind them after I've worked through them. I've never been able to speak about the things bothering me while they are bothering me. Well, not without great difficulty and pain on my part. As a child I started writing and tried to communicate that way but that doesn't go over with people that want to talk things out. Thankfully, Mr. Macchiato got to where he understood and accepted that about me and while there are still times when he wants me to talk, he also has the ability to ask me to write him a letter the next day. He's a really good guy. A total keeper.
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Today is our 22nd Wedding Anniversary. It is something I'm very proud of. We've had to work hard and through a lot of crap over the years. There have been times when we've both been ready to throw in the towel... thankfully, never at the same time. We fight. We make up. We fight again. I like him. I love him. I hate him. And then I love him again. We are best friends, lovers, and sometimes enemies. I'm so glad I said yes to that first date. In so doing, I stepped onto this roller coaster ride we call our life and I wouldn't change it for anything.
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I love you Mr. Macchiato. Happy Anniversary!

Days of My Life

2010-11-17T06:52:00.014-07:00

I am trying to get back on a regular Monday thru Friday blogging schedule. I was quite upset last week when I read several blogs I used to read regularly and found out information about their lives I should have known months ago... Bloggers I consider cyber friends. I'm actually afraid of what else I will learn as I get to the other blogs I haven't been reading as often. I got into blogging because I was very isolated and couldn't talk. I got so much support from the online community for so many years that I feel I need to make a concerted effort to nuture that. I'll be honest, it is a struggle to get back into the habit...
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The difficult part of blogging every day is coming up with stuff to blog about. I just can't do deep and meaningful right now. The more I focus on that sort of thing the more inwardly depressed I become. I think some of what keeps me sane is my stupidity... Assuming I have some semblance of sanity.

Poor Taffy! She's such a tiny little dog and she gets cold. She likes to sit on the back of the couch next to me while I'm on the computer and she was shivering so I wrapped her up in this blanket. She stayed there like that for well over an hour! She looks at the computer screen, looks at me and naps. I am so glad she is home! And Benny is really completely Booper again! We are THRILLED! (Yes, even Mr. Macchiato!)

I had my camera in my purse and decided to take some pictures of the contrast in the weather between Monday and Tuesday as I was driving 75 miles an hour up I 25 for my doctor's appointment. That is Pike's Peak in my spotted rear view mirror.

See... 75 mph exactly. Yeah, cruise control. You can also see the temperature was 49 degrees and much warmer than the 25 degrees of the day before.

Colorado really is a beautiful place to live! I never get tired of the blue skies and mountains. The only other place on earth I'd rather live is Monterey, California. There you have the mountains, the redwoods, and the ocean. You also have to be a multi-gazillionaire. I do miss water here...

Just buzzing along and enjoying myself...

Until I hit Denver.

The TRAFFIC!!!

I 25 was closed due to an accident just after the exit I have to take so the traffic was backed up for MILES. And I had the misfortune of being next to someone blasting their Rap music which ANNOYS ME NO END.

Thankfully, I was able to make my appointment on time because I left so early and Dr. Wonderful did his magic on my vocal chords. Well, I think he did. No change yet. One of the injections didn't go as smoothly as usual. The great thing about this doctor is if he missed it I can go back in right away and get it re-done at no charge. No more of this waiting a month business. I'll just call and talk to him on Monday and he'll determine by the sound of my voice if I need to come back. Have I told y'all I love him? I do. I love him LOTS!

I had a little surprise in my e-mail inbox when I got home from one of Double Shot's teachers. They were doing a special little thing today and everyone was supposed to bring in something they really like that their family makes. He said he hoped that wasn't the first I'd heard of it. Ummmmm... yes. Yes, it was. I asked him if he knew what Double Shot said he'd bring... Cookies. Sigh. Since I communicated with the teacher it wasn't like I could play dumb and send him with some store bought cookies. So, after our Financial Peace University class (Dave Ramsey) we headed to the store for a few things and I was up until after 11 pm making cookies.

Because I am a dumb (okay pretend I know how to strike through words... dumb has the line through it) good Mom like that.

Orange Cranberry Walnut Oatmeal Cookies

**Oh Good Lord... I just saw this article online... How a Healthy Diet Can Hurt the Economy. A dude named Robert Beaglehole is quoted in the article. I'm not even kidding. Beaglehole... Bwaaa Haaa Haa ha! The article is ridiculous. If people in Britain adopt a healthier diet it may affect jobs in Brazil... Markets adjust according to demand and stuff happens slowly over time. I hate articles like this.

I Caved and Got on the Scale...

2010-11-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

HOLY COW!!!

This Miss Piggy sooooooooo needs to hit the gym...

WOW!!!

My Not So Grand Adventure...

2010-11-15T20:30:00.002-07:00

This morning I was out the door by 8 am and headed up toward Denver for my vocal chord injections. I called Mr. Macchiato as I got onto I25 North because the sky looked rather ominous in that direction. It was nice here in Colorado Springs. He told me there was snow falling up north. Great.
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By the time I hit Monument Hill there was very poor visibility and the roads were icy. I passed an accident where two vehicles had gone off the road into a ditch, then I passed a vehicle stopped and facing the wrong direction, and then we all hit ice and I braced myself to hit the car in front of me as I saw a vehicle 3 cars ahead spin around and face back our direction. When I didn't hit that car, I braced myself to be hit from behind as I saw those cars swerving as they struggled to stop as well. The car up front got turned back around and we all slowly resumed traveling forward. We then passed a truck turned over on its roof and then the traffic came to a standstill. I was pretty shaken and called Mr. Macchiato. I told him I was going to turn around and go home...

That didn't happen. I ended up sitting there in that same spot for over three hours.

There was a nearly 40 car pile up ahead (including 4 big rigs) and 12 people had to be taken to the hospital. They had us move over as far as we could to make a lane in the center for emergency vehicles to go back and forth.

I had nothing in the car with me... nothing to drink. Nothing to eat. Nothing to read. Nothing to write on. AND my cell phone would only work here and there. I couldn't understand that because I had signal bars. Some calls would go through and some texts... and then the rest wouldn't.

You can see an ambulance coming in my rear view mirror.

I never got a picture of them driving back the other way because they snuck up on me.

You can't see in this picture but I could see it from where I was... the big mess was right at the end of where the road is in this picture. I could see all the lights.

This is me making a should I brave the cold and go pee in the trees like everyone else face. No. I did not. Almost though.

It was too cold for that!

Nice. It was longer by the time I actually moved.

Not great but the price you pay for 4 wheel drive.

I was bored.

Really bored.

I wished I had a nail file.

I found some super old food in my glove box. I ate it. Then wished I hadn't because it was spicy and I didn't have anything to drink. I hadn't had breakfast.

I took pictures of the people desperate enough to exit their cars to go potty in the woods. I tried to edit those pictures but they don't really show up this size... I think if you click on the pictures they go bigger and you can see what I wrote that way.

I really needed to go to but was afraid there was some weird blogger in his/her car that would take a picture of me and then post it on their blog.

This guy's outfit cracked me up. Really?!?!? Wow.

Headed for the trees...

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go!

Misery!!!

Good thing I DID have a blanket. I had to keep my car turned off as much as possible because I was about to run out of gas.

This guy's battery ran out and he had to ask the guy in front of me for a jump.

He really lucked out because the guy actually had cables in the back of his car. I don't!!!

Jumpity Jump Jump!!!

Two headed for the trees... What was hysterical is that one of them was carrying a serious wad of napkins.

Finally, after hours and hours... movement. Very slow movement. 20 feet at a time.

I didn't get a picture but there was quite a bit of serious debris along the road on both sides.

One of the semi's involved...

By this time there was no longer a need for snow plows.

The Larkspur Exit where they moved the vehicles off to. There were a ton more on the other side of the freeway as well.

These cars aren't in bad shape. There were some completely demolished. Disturbingly so.

I ate lunch by myself at Applebee's in Castle Rock. A quite expensive lunch, I might add. Oy. Then I got gas, some Excedrin Migraine (when I almost wrecked it gave me an instant headache that would not let up even after I ate and had coffee) and decided to take the scenic route home by way of 86 East to 83 South.

The scenery was spectacular!

The weather changes so quickly here in Colorado.

I was alone on the road much of the way home.

The sun shining through my sun roof...

So. I have to go to Denver tomorrow now for my doctor's appointment. Oy. Thankfully, there were no fatalities today, although there were some serious injuries. Tomorrow's drive should be uneventful. I hope so at any rate.

2010-11-15T07:00:00.001-07:00

We had a busy weekend. Of course, they always are. It was so good to see my Mom! Her visits are always too short though.

We finally got a bit of snow last week. The weather has been unseasonably warm for these parts and I can't believe we went through the entire football season without snow. Very unusual.

My Mom loves Cracker Barrel. No... She LOVES Cracker Barrel. She got in Wednesday and we ate there Wednesday night... Friday night... and Saturday for lunch. I even tried to talk her into going somewhere else on Saturday!

I don't dare step on the scale this morning. I know it would send me spiraling into the pit of despair. Double Shot ate this Friday night.

I ate this. Cider braised pork... or something like that. It had apples and cranberries and ... YUM!!! So paying the price though...

I've got a busy day today. I've got to get my injections for my voice in Denver, meet a friend for coffee and I'm hoping to get my bedroom clean. Do y'all ever shove stuff in your bedrooms when you are running out of time cleaning? Good Lord. I cleaned out the cupboards in the main bathroom and just set the stuff I'm not going to keep in there anymore on my floor in my room and I've got piles of laundry... both clean and dirty all over the room. And stuff... Christmas stuff... books... junk... UGH! It's nasty.

Happy Monday!

H.Y.P.E.R.V.E.N.T.I.L.A.T.I.N.G.

2010-11-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

My son had better GO AWAY to college...

And. That. Is. All. I'm. Going. To. Say. About. That.

All is RIGHT in Our World!!!

2010-11-11T08:30:00.001-07:00

Benny and Taffy back together again!!! Oh my goodness, was he ever excited to see her! He's pawing at her with his right paw in this picture.
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They definitely remember each other and are very happy. In fact, they jumped right back into their morning routine as if they hadn't been separated all these months. I am blown away! Benny actually went to the back door with Taffy to be let out this morning and did all his business quickly. She did as well and when she came back in she sat and looked up at the counter expecting her treat. I am so RELIEVED!!!

I am going to have to get a video of them playing together and post it. I love how they play. It is so cool to watch because he is so much bigger than she is. In fact, they are playing in the kitchen as I type this.

Taffy looking up at Benny... she smiles too but it is hard to catch on film. She always looks so serious, LOL!

LuLu was born in this basket... she also died in this basket. Taffy loves it. It's a bit bittersweet for me to have her use it. LuLu loved it as well. It was my Grandma's and it is pretty old. I've had it about 17 years. I have no idea how old it is. So many things in my house have a story...

Oh Booper!!!

Yes... Yes, I did.

2010-11-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm so very sorry. I couldn't help myself. Wrestling is starting... The Purgatory of all sports. Wrestling Tournaments are T.O.R.T.U.R.E. You are stuck in a gym with hundreds of smelly... and I do mean smelly... boys for days just to see your kid wrestle a few times for several minutes. And... teenaged boys in singlets are not my cup-o-tea. Sorry.

This boy resembled a water balloon. The people at his school that choose to get their singlets in just one color should be beat. Really. It was heinous. There should be a law that singlets come multi-colored and the big boys should wear some sort of girdle underneath. Of course, that is just my opinion and I'm nobody.

I'm a terrible person.

Piles of PUPPIES!!!

2010-11-09T07:30:00.001-07:00

We sent Taffy back to my Mom's earlier this year so she could have a litter of puppies. My Mom and Step Dad are dog breeders. We did worry about the effect it would have on Benny given he lost his mind the day LuLu died... but thought we'd be able to get him through it. He did okay... until Double Shot and I went to my Mom's for 11 days in June. He hasn't been the same since.

We got to see Taffy and her puppies. She was looking a bit haggard... We Moms know all about that!

These are some of the older puppies my Mom had while we were there. Oh my, were they ever FUN to watch! They were just about ready to go to their new homes.

Taffy's puppies opened their eyes while we were there. They were so cute!

This one actually put her little head back and did a baby puppy howl. I about died on the spot!

This is Trixie. She is a Brussels Griffon and just the sweetest thing... So ya know, Taffy is a bit of spoiled Princess. Read, BRAT. But I am absolutely crazy about her. LOL!

This is Ginger. She is also a Griff and the daughter of Trixie. Double Shot LOVED her! She LOVED him too!

This is Midge. She is super tiny!!! I don't think she even weighs 4 lbs. She kind of reminds me of some muppet type thing. She is hysterical. She is also full grown and has had puppies of her own. Actually, I seem to remember she just had one puppy...

It is so funny to watch how these dogs all follow after my Mom. She's like the Pied Piper of Shih Tzu's... well, and Griffs... and Bull Dogs. LOL!

This is Scooter. He is standing on his back legs. Oh my goodness is he ever cute! He's also Taffy's Baby Daddy.

This is Lily and Thor. They also have another girl, Pickles. She was in another building caring for her 9 puppies. I wish I had a video of Pickles. If you point your finger like a gun at her and say, "Bang!" she runs around in a couple circles and then flops on her back and wiggles all her legs in the air.

Oh my goodness... MANGO!!! I was so tempted to take this dog home! What a personality! WOW!!! I think some people in California have him. My Mom decided not to keep him as a stud. I think he was 5 or 6 months old here.

This is Scarlett O'Hairy. We fell in LOVE with her!!! What a SWEETIE!!! She is my Mom's biggest Shih Tzu and quite a heifer. LOL!

I cannot remember this guy's name for the life of me. It is making me crazy!!! He is a Griff. Why. Can't. I. Remember. His. Name.??? ARUGH!!! RUSTY!!!

Bull Dog Puppies!!! Oh my, were these ever cute!!! I had so much fun with my Mom taking pictures of them for her website.

Things have been rough for Booper. Our vet says he's co-dependant and the type of dog that needs to have another dog around. My mother-in-law moved in this summer with Browny and that helped some. Browny is the equivalent of a walrus with fur though and doesn't really pay attention to Benny. To be fair, he is 12 years old and so obese he can't move around much.

My mother-in-law left for five weeks and won't be back until after Thanksgiving. She went to Hawaii with Mr. Macchiato's sister and her husband and is now spending time in Seattle. Our other sister-in-law is going through radiation for breast cancer. They caught it early and were able to get everything, Thank God!!!

Benny was okay the first week or so after they left. Then the weird behavior started. Even though he was, by far, the easiest dog I've ever potty trained, he's always had an issue with submissive peeing whenever men or big boys he doesn't know come around. He's also very sensitive and can sense if you are unhappy with him which will set it off as well. Essentially, he's the biggest pansy dog ever.

This dog does NOT like to be alone. When he gets upset he refuses to pee which makes it hard for him to hold it where the submissive thing comes in. Then he gets to where he won't go outside and if you trick him outside he won't move from the back door. If you leave him longer than he can stand he starts crying and throwing himself against the door. He's on anti-anxiety meds but I have to trick him to get it down his gullet. This is getting harder and harder to do... I even hide the pill inside half a peanut butter sandwich and he'll still spit the part out with the pill. I can't grab him and shove it in his mouth because he'll pee on me. And I have to take him on these crazy long walks to get him to empty his bladder... AND he has to be let off leash, which is against the rules in these parts so I have to go where no one else is to get him to go.

SO. FRUSTRATING.

Every time he has to be left alone it is like taking steps backward. Mr. Macchiato has no patience for this sort of thing and that adds to my stress. OY!!!

Anyway, we'd been planning on getting Taffy back and just hadn't been able to work it out until now. MOM TO THE RESCUE!!! My Mom is flying in with her tomorrow. I am so excited!!! I've missed her and I can't wait to see how the dogs react to one another! Benny will be OUT OF HIS MIND HAPPY!!! Taffy will probably be stand offish and not like his exuberance at first but it'll settle down in a day or two. That is what I'm expecting given how they've been together in the past... but it could go down differently. I sure hope Taffy will be happy to be back.

I am praying our much loved Booper returns.

The End of an Era...

2010-11-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

2003

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Double Shot's last High School football game ever was Friday night. His school went up a division from 2A to 3A this year and everyone was saying they were going to have a terrible season... Not. At. All. In fact, their last game was the most exciting game I've ever been to in my life! And I've been to A LOT of football games! They won against the #3 team in the state. We spent the weekend on pins and needles waiting to see if they made it into the play offs. Sadly, they did not. Yesterday was a really hard day for our boy.

Well, and for us too. We couldn't understand how our 7 and 3 team didn't make it while a 6 and 4 team did. Mr. Macchiato, ever the Accountant, was able to put it all on a spreadsheet and figure out what went wrong and where. It came down to the strength of two of the teams we played. They weren't good teams (Mr. Macchiato called them "cupcake" teams) so those wins didn't come with as many points and the team with the 6 and 4 record played teams that came with more points.
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What an amazing game to go out on though!!! It was WILD!!!

Rushing the field for their last game...

Now... on to wrestling... OY.

Me, Myself and Moi

2010-11-05T10:30:00.000-06:00

Oh my gosh. I was looking through pictures so I could throw something up on this here pitifully neglected blog of mine and am quite disturbed by how many pictures I take of myself. Really. In at least every album on the computer there is one I took of myself. And... cough... several albums that have more than one, or ten, of me just goofing around. Then there are the gazillion facebook profile shots. This picture is from 2007.

I think this here thinker done thunk way too much about herself sometimes.

My blog is pretty self-involved too... what I think, what I'm doing, what I want to do. And facebook... I love facebook. It is a great tool to keep in touch with people. At the same time, it can be pretty self-focussed as well. Hey Everybody!!! Guess what?!?!? I'm shopping at Wal-mart in my pajamas right now!

So, here I sit, thinking about how I think about myself.

Deep.

Alka Seltzer... Anyone???

2010-11-01T21:30:00.000-06:00

Good Lord. Somebody stop me. Please.

Suicidal Thoughts...

2010-10-31T17:00:00.003-06:00

Me and Lisa

November 2004
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My friend, Lisa, killed herself two years ago this month. I've been thinking about her a lot, as I did at this time last year. I hadn't talked to her in a year when she did it and this year I've found my thoughts centered on that last conversation we had.

Lisa shared with me some risky and self-destructive behavior she had engaged in recently. She laughed at me when I pointed out the obvious and I got frustrated. No, I got angry. I had invested a lot of my time and life in Lisa. She was not a project... but I guess I expected some sort of return on that investment. I don't know, like she owed it to me to make better choices.

Throughout our relationship I had been about grace, acceptance and encouragement... that day I stepped into judgment. Her boys had been living with her brother for a couple of years by then and when I asked her whether she was ever going to do what she needed to do to get them back she told me that they were better off with him. If the words, "Maybe so," didn't convey my disdain, I am certain the tone with which I said them did.

I had no idea that would be the last time I spoke to her. I called a few times, sent a few e-mails and even sent a couple of cards, all with no response from her. And then I stopped.

When I think about her I go through so many different emotions. Mostly, I am deeply saddened. However, there have been times when I've been very angry with her. I wonder how she could be so terribly selfish where her boys were concerned. Didn't she really love them? Isn't a mother's love strong enough to overcome any obstacle? Essentially, I continued to judge her even in death.

She did love those boys. Deeply. She was also right. They were better off with her brother. I see that now. Sometimes the greatest act of love from a parent is to let their children go...

I'm glad that Lisa was part of my life. While I struggle with how I handled our relationship in some respects, I don't in others. I don't know if I'll ever understand it all. I do think there's a bigger picture here that I can't grasp.

The other day I was in my car and heard this song. I'd heard it many times before but this time I heard the message in it. It takes me back to that last conversation, to the judgment of it. I thought I knew better than her. That conversation removed me from her life... it ensured she never turned to me for help again. Lisa killing herself was not my fault, I know that. She was terribly messed up before I ever even came along. I'm not one of those people that has "No Regrets" as a motto. I regret judging her. I pray my regrets help me to make wiser choices in the future.

2010-10-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

I indulged in a pity party for one yesterday. Now, I'm faced with a very messy house. I am struggling with some things... mainly purpose. I want everything in my life to have a purpose. I've always been that way. But, sometimes I can't see what those purposes are.

I want my trip to Africa to have some significance other than my being grateful for the life I've been given. But what? I can't move there. I can't adopt children from there. The issues there are overwhelming...

I cannot even begin to count the times I've moaned and groaned about my house. Good Lord... all the times I've felt sorry for myself because I can't eat whatever I want without gaining weight... and honestly felt like it was UNFAIR.

What do I do with all of this? I still have my life here I need to live. And it is busy!!!

Chai Tea and Fly Boy are getting married in December. He bought his ticket to come out here yesterday. He has enlisted in the Air Force and will be entering Basic Training the first week of January. I knew this was coming but am shocked by how... shocked I feel by it. If that makes sense.

Anyway, we went camping last weekend and I didn't do diddly squat yesterday, which means I need to attend to my housewifely duties today.

I will say this, after seeing how hard people in Africa work just to meet daily needs, I know I have never worked hard a day in my life.

Sigh...

2010-10-25T00:00:00.001-06:00

Happy Monday!!!

2010-10-18T14:00:00.000-06:00

I think my interview went well this morning. Of course, I always think my interviews go well. LOL! We'll find out when and if I get a call with a job offer.
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This morning I sent out this quote to the ladies at my church. I've probably shared it on here before seeing as it is a favorite of mine. In fact, I printed it out and taped it to the inside cover of my bible.
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I like the idea that salvation and redemption are not just one time events, but an ongoing process whereby God steadily refines out our impurities and imperfections, until we are refined like silver.
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However, us being the flawed, stubborn, childish and imperfect humans that we are, this process often moves in fits and starts, like an old jalopy with a bad clutch and clogged fuel filter.
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God knows this, and loves us anyway. Loves us enough to stay with us, to chase us down, help us up when we stumble, welcome us back after we've left Him for the world... and we pick right back up where we left off.
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We become his patchwork quilt of grace; little pieces of redemption, of repentance and epiphany and illumination mixed in with doubt, frustration and confusion. We sin, we repent, we stay faithful... until we don't; and then we do it all over again.
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We need to understand that. We need to understand that God is bigger than our humanity, bigger than our pride, bigger than our stubborness. And that far from being alone in this, it is a condition common to every man and woman who has ever attempted to live a Godly life. Sometimes succeding, sometimes failing, but never, Never, NEVER too far from the Grace of God to come back again.
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This was written on a now deleted blog by a man named Steve Berven. I am glad I copied this before he deleted his blog! Anyway, I think I may have shared this here before but it is something I don't get tired of reading.

I also love this song. Both of these lift me up on days I feel crummy about myself. I don't happen to feel that way today but... maybe someone else out there does. We all have days like that.

Life...

2010-10-17T17:30:00.000-06:00

It has been a bit strange to step back into my life after going to Africa. Yet, step back into it I've had to do. I don't want my trip to have just been about my observing the sad state of a group of people in another country. I just don't know what to do with the experience or which direction to head.

I love this time of year, especially here in Colorado. The leaves are not as bright as usual. I'm sure that probably has something to do with the lack of water this summer. It is still pretty though.

It is amazing to me how big our world is and yet so small at the same time.

Little tid bit of info on me for ya... I can say, "Fall is a beautiful season," in Japanese. When Mr. Macchiato and I were dating his roommate's girlfriend went to the same college I did. She is from Japan and they also got married. Their kids are much younger than ours though, LOL!

I've got an interview tomorrow. Here we go again, eh? Oy. Looking for work is no fun. I really can't complain though. Actually, after my trip I should never complain about anything ever again. Of course, I will.

Good Lord, trying to do stuff on the computer with my family all around is an effort in futility!

Was that a complaint? Oh my... that didn't take long.

Swaziland

2010-10-12T08:00:00.000-06:00

Here is a video by another group in Swaziland. Children's Hope Chest has a carepoint right across from the dump you see in it.

What I Shared at Church Today...

2010-10-10T15:00:00.000-06:00

Joy! Joy! Joy!

2010-10-07T07:30:00.003-06:00

I love listening to the children sing in Africa! No musical instruments... just their voices. And the looks on some of their faces! I look around at my life and the things that need to be done that I don't want to do and I think to myself... choose JOY today!

Some of my friends are going through really tough stuff. It is hard to choose Joy when you are hurting... physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It just isn't that easy. But... it is possible. I don't understand this life. I don't understand why it is so hard for some and so easy for others. Life most definitely is NOT FAIR. I've been to the pit. I know well the overwhelming sense of sadness that pulls you down. I am praying that light breaks through your darkness.

Bheveni Carepoint Singing #1 from The Schifano Tribe on Vimeo.

This video snagged from Marc's blog...

Whispers in the Dark, Post 6

2010-10-05T17:00:00.001-06:00

September 23, 2010
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Right now… I wish I hadn’t come here.
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So many people have told me that I’m here for a purpose. What purpose? I don’t see it. Unless that purpose is to have my heart ripped out.
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One of my greatest fears in coming here was that a child would attach to me and be hurt when I left. I was also afraid that I would fall in love with a child and have to leave… but was guarding myself against that.
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I joked around about coming home with a couple kids in my suitcases before I left. I didn’t think I’d actually want to do that. I thought that the fact that our youngest is a senior in high school and we can see the light at the end of the proverbial parenting tunnel would protect me from wanting one of these children. That and the fact that we have barely survived our own kids’ teen years and have enough friends that have adopted to know that there is an entire different set of problems there. There’s also the fact that my husband isn’t interested in having more kids, we can’t afford it. Plus, I knew coming here that Swazi adoption is difficult and they want the adoptive families to live here a year prior to finalization. Of course, I’ve heard of some exceptions but none of them include someone not having lived here at all. I thought all of this would protect me from even taking a step in that direction in my mind.
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There is a four year old little girl with broken teeth. That first day at the care point I washed her face with a wipe, removed her clothing and put new clothes on her. She was stony faced throughout the process. Since then she follows me and the way she smiles at me… She wants me to hold her, which I do. She is fascinated by my hair. She studies my face. She rubs my arm and sometimes scratches at my freckles.
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I am really struggling with this.
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This little girl only has a 6% chance of making it to the age of 30 here. Honestly, those statistics are for all of Swaziland. I’m guessing her chances are even lower than that given she’s amongst the poorest of the poor. Knowing the statistics and looking around the care point is more than I can take. If I could stuff her in my suitcase and take her home I would.
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I am also feeling very guilty. We sponsor a boy through World Vision in Maputo, Mozambique, which is actually very close to here. He just turned 13 on September 11. His name is Bernardo. I never write to him. I have his picture tacked up on the wall next to my computer, in a magnet on my fridge and even have a picture of him in my wallet. I do pray for him when I’m being a good little Christian so I can check it off my list. I feel like such a poser. Yes, I’m in the We Sponsor a Kid in Africa Club. Aren’t we wonderful?
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I don’t know why exactly that I don’t write to him. I just put it off. I also didn’t really understand how it all works. The $35 we pay a month goes into a community pot for the benefit of all. I know that Bernardo lives with his parents, has four siblings, and that they are healthy and go to church. I guess I didn’t really feel it was necessary. There are those times that I worry that his brothers and sisters have better sponsors and that he feels left out and I tell myself I’m going to write and send him something really cool. And then I don’t.
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The fact is if Bernardo is in World Vision’s system they are extremely poor. Poverty here in Africa is something so different from poverty in America…
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We went on a home visit where the sponsored boy was about Bernardo’s age. He lives with his Go Go, or Grandma. We took them food and a gift from the boy’s sponsor in the states. The smile on his face… I feel so incredibly ashamed.
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I look around at the kids at the care point and can’t help but wonder how many of them are already HIV positive. Like the phrase used for someone on death row, Dead Man Walking, I hear the phrase Dead Children Walking over and over in my mind, something I don’t think I could ever utter audibly.
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October 5, 2010
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I could not sleep that night. That four year old little girl was very insistent that I learn her name. The day before I sat down with one of the ladies that volunteers at the care point and wrote down many of the children’s names along with their meanings in my journal. She was quite tickled by my pathetic attempts to say them correctly. In Swaziland all names have meaning and everyone knows what those meanings are.
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I laid there in the dark and tried to remember the meaning of her name. I was rooming with Anna who was already annoyed by my lack of sleeping habits so I quietly made my way to the bathroom with my journal. There was a window facing the hall which was lit so I raised my journal toward the light and looked for Nomphilo’s name. Her name means “Life.”
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I stood there stunned…
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I was also struggling very much with cultural differences. These people have very little. I was questioning the insertion of our gift giving, well, the extent of it. Every day we were having the kids line up and giving them gifts. They needed clothes and shoes and school supplies… and toys and candy are nice… I wasn’t comfortable and wondering if, in some way, we were harming them. When we first arrived at Bheveni the kids were cautious, a healthy response. When we visited another larger and more established care point, the kids were all over us immediately. It really bothered me.
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I broke down at that other care point. I just couldn’t hold it together and Londiwe, a D Team member (I’ll explain in another post what the D Team is), kept asking me questions and wouldn’t let me get by with general responses. She followed me outside when I got up and left. I eventually told her my fears. As a Swati she told me a little of her story and told me that we were giving these children hope.
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Hope.
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Ironic in that I was there with Children’s Hope Chest.
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Later when we were in the van on the way back to Bheveni I asked Danielle to see the list of children. The majority of children at Bheveni have sponsors but there are children that have been profiled that do not have one. Nomphilo was on that list. I wrote my name next to hers and then I cried.

I took a picture of Nomphilo (Nom-pee-lo) after dressing her in her new clothes. She seemed almost scared.

The kids all like to see pictures of themselves so I took a picture of us together and then showed it to her pointing to myself and then to her. She just stared at me and then left.

Then... when I went outside, there she was.

She was often nearby and when I'd look around her face would stand out.

It seemed like every time I turned around, there she was.

When I downloaded my photos I found so many pictures like this that I wasn't aware she was in until I looked at them... It shocked me.

My goodness...

Many children smiled at me but she was so persistent and there were so many times that I'd look up to find her just smiling right at me.

Sometimes when I was holding other children she would stand by and wait.

Erica told me right after I took this picture that Nomphilo had pointed to me when I turned the corner and told her, "Sisi Kelly."

Here she is eating under the water tower.

The kids wash their dishes after they eat.

So often at my knee...

It got to where I could pick her out even when she wasn't looking my way... the shape of her head, the way she walked, the way she moved. My eyes were drawn to her. And my heart.

I was able to tell her that I was her special friend in America and give her this doll (Thanks Elysa, she had extra and let me have it) as well as a little children's bible I bought at a Christian bookstore in Manzini.

I don't know what the future holds for Nomphilo. Our $34 a month actually goes into a pot for the running of the Bheveni care point, which benefits her because she goes there for food each day. I will be writing to her and I will be praying for her.

I will also be writing Bernardo.

Back in Colorado...

2010-10-04T10:30:00.000-06:00

I am attempting to get back into the swing of things... Something I'm actually finding easier than I expected on some levels but much harder on others. I am hoping to piece together another post on my trip to Africa later today but know that may be unrealistic. I've got a women's thing at my house tonight (which means I'm cleaning today, LOL!) and Mr. Macchiato and I are taking a class on Tuesday nights that I'm two weeks behind on homework (Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University). I will say this, I am extremely motivated, more now than before, to get out of debt so that our resources can be put to better use.

I hope y'all are doing well and hope to get caught up on your blogs at some point!

The Journey

2010-09-30T20:00:00.001-06:00

Written September 19, 2010
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The flight from Atlanta to Johannesburg, South Africa was brutal. My seat was in the middle of the middle aisle. At 5’11” my knees were up against the seat in front of me the entire 15 ½ hour flight. I also had to stow my laptop, jacket and fanny pack under the seat which left no room for my size 11 feet… especially after I took my shoes off and had them rolling around down there too. I feel like a giant. I tower over everyone on our team.

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My seat mates were great. They were both photographers. The man to my right was American and going to South Africa for a photo safari with his brother. He’s been to Africa 4 times and loves it. The sweet girl to my left was an Afrikaaner (white South African) and a photographer on a cruise ship based out of Boston. She was on her way home on holiday.

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The airport terminal was a bit of a trip for me. AC/DC was playing over the speakers and it was all very modern. The names of the restaurants were different, well, except for Kentucky Fried Chicken. We ate dinner in the food court and by the time we got out of there it was dark. I ate a hamburger.

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We were met by a man named Marius. He is an Afrikaaner who is married to an American and they live in Swaziland and are part of AIM (Adventures in Missions who partners with Children’s Hope Chest). Our driver’s name is Elliot and I don’t know much about him yet.

We are meeting in the hotel lobby at 7:30 am and leaving by 8:00 am. Marius said we will drive for a bit over an hour and then stop at a mall for breakfast. We will be travelling today and going through a debriefing session. I imagine we will be going through all our bags and getting our stuff organized to take to the carepoint. We’ve got backpacks to fill and the amount of stuff we all brought is mind boggling.

To be continued...

I'm Home!!!

2010-09-30T08:00:00.002-06:00

Internet service was difficult in Africa so I didn't get to post throughout my trip as I had hoped. I have got a lot of things that need tending to and am still processing so much of what happened during the trip. While in Swaziland, we met the Schifanos who left a couple days later. Marc has a blog,The Schifano Tribe, and he posted a video that includes our team in some of the pictures. I'm the blond in the orange shirt.

Marc and Jan's Swaziland Trip from The Schifano Tribe on Vimeo.

Whispers in the Dark, Post 5

2010-09-22T06:00:00.001-06:00

Written Saturday, September 18, 2010

I’m the first of the team to arrive at our gate for the flight to Johannesburg. In fact, it will be awhile before anyone gets here. I thought I was going to be able to sit in a Starbucks or a bar and connect to the Internet, edit posts I’d already written, and get them scheduled. Nope.

I then went to one of those kiosks and was going to do it from there but after I swiped my DEBIT card it just kept ticking away the money while refusing to do anything. I called Mr. Macchiato in a panic because I was afraid it was going to drain our checking account. Don’t ask me why I used the debit card. That was just dumb. I blame it on sleep deprivation. Anyway, he got it taken care of right away and while he was doing that I got it to shut down. Whew! I won’t try that again!

I then got my Sweetie to post what I’d written for me unedited… I was planning to go through and add links and titles (now done). So much for my plans of having a post every day while I’m gone! I am still going to try but I have a feeling that may not be possible once I am in Africa. (I can in Johannesburg! Don't know how it will go in Swaziland.)

On Thursday night our team leader’s father died suddenly. He was only 57 years old. I cannot even imagine what Danielle and Mike are going through. They made the decision to go ahead with the trip as planned but I know it is going to be very difficult for them at times. My heart aches for Danielle.

It is situations like this that get me sometimes. Why?

I’ve been thinking about Ecclesiastes for a long time now.

I haven’t written on my political blog in months. Prior to the 2008 elections I had a fire in my belly that sent me on a mission to educate first myself and then possibly others. I was most interested in reaching other housewives that were uninterested in politics and didn’t really see how what goes on in Washington and our state governments really does affect our everyday lives. I was very interested in what I was doing at the time. And then it changed.

I still believe that we should be aware of what is going on politically in order to protect our freedoms. In the scope of history women haven’t even had the right to vote all that long. One day it hit me… by being so focused on the politics of it I was missing the heart of it. I believe there are those that are called to a deeper involvement in governmental workings. I’m not one of them. The answers to our problems, our real problems, will never come through our government. We can’t fix things solely through laws. We can’t take our personal convictions and expect that laws made mirroring them will change those who don’t hold those convictions.

At the same time, we can’t have a societal freefall into a system that allows anything and everything. Where are the lines? Who draws the lines? As long as there are people in this world they will never agree on what is right and what is wrong. So we have people that serve on the front lines that fight it out for us. Battles rage and wars are won and lost.

The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher; Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”
What profit has a man from all his labor in which he toils under the sun?
One generation passes away and another generation comes; “But the earth abides forever,
The sun also rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it arose.
“The wind goes toward the south, and turns around to the north; the wind whirls about continually, and comes again on its circuit.
“All the rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full; to the place from which the rivers come, there they return again.
All things are full of labor; man cannot express it. “The eye is not satisfied with seeing. Nor the ear filled with hearing.
That which has been will be, that which is done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which it may be said, “See, this is new”? It has already been in ancient times before us.
There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembrance of things that are to come by those who will come after.”
Ecclesiastes 1:1-11

I don’t know. I guess I’ve just come to see my zeroed in focus on politics as being a distraction from where my focus really needs to be. That is not to say in any way that I think that Christians ought not be involved in our government and that we citizens should not be aware. There are laws worth fighting for and/or against. I just don't see our salvation as a country coming through our judicial system.

Sigh…

A time to be born, and a time to die…
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance…

I’m thinking a lot about Danielle and how the distance between these verses will most likely be shortened over the next 11 days. I imagine she’ll be cycling through these emotions over and over in the course of each day. Mike will be too given they’ve been married 15 years and I’m sure he also loved his father-in-law.

As I sit here waiting I am filled with excitement to be seeing Jim, Elysa and Anna. Oh my gosh they are HERE!!!

To be continued...

Whispers in the Dark, Post 4

2010-09-21T06:00:00.001-06:00

That carepoint is now sponsored...

The statistics for Swaziland are sobering to say the least.

If a 15 year old child from Swaziland only has a 6% chance of making it to the age of 32, isn’t the situation there hopeless? That means 94% of them will die before that age. Is reaching out to a nation on the brink of extinction a waste of time and resources? Would those efforts be better spent on a country with better odds?

You might think I’m playing Devil’s Advocate by asking those questions that you may have assumed came from other people. Those are actually my own thoughts.

As a Christian, I believe that each life is precious. I am adamantly pro-life. How is it that I can have thoughts like that?

It is that nasty specter in my life, doubt. That little niggling that tells me that a God of Love cannot possibly allow such heinous atrocities to happen to innocent children.

What is the purpose in it all? What if there is no purpose? What if it is what it is? Are we just higher animals on the evolutionary chain?

Do we have immortal souls? In light of eternity, what is our life here on earth, a breath?

I’m doing the lessons for our little VBS at our care point. I’m really struggling with it. How do you tell children how much God loves them when their parents are dead, they’re possibly being sexually abused, they are hungry and they have a 94% chance of dying before they reach their thirties.

Our team leader sent something out about how a child was asked what he wanted and he said, “To grow up.”

That breaks my heart and I choke on it each time I think of it.

Being given this trip I have not put in the time and effort the other team members have. It has really bothered me. When I think about how hard they have worked and the amazing things they’ve accomplished I see how God is working through them to reach out to these hurting people.

I think about all the possibilities and it hurts. Is it cruel to go there and show these people love and then leave? What if a child really likes me and then I’m gone? I think about my own childhood and some of the stand out memories of when someone reached out to me with encouraging words, a squeeze on the shoulder, loving eye contact…

I feel myself close around the emotion of it to contain it. I don’t want to do that but I’m afraid of the full impact of what I am about to experience.

To be continued…

Whispers in the Dark, Post 3

2010-09-20T06:00:00.001-06:00

Nine weeks ago if someone told me I was going to Africa in September I would have laughed. Yeah, right.

As y’all know, I’ve been looking for a job. Not for fun, I need one. We’ve got a kid in college and another who is a senior in high school. We’ve got medical expenses. Our deck is rotting. Our fence is falling down. We haven’t let our son get his license because the cost of insuring him is just too high.

Reality. You know. It bites.

So, how am I going to Africa? Jim and Elysa, after raising their support, have paid my way. I cannot tell you how humbling it is to have someone hand you a gift of this magnitude. I didn’t want to accept it but Elysa said if I didn’t they would ask someone else. So I did.

I wrote them the following letter (slightly edited for the blog). It is pretty personal and not the easiest of things to share. However, it is real and it is true.

August 10, 2010

Dear Jim and Elysa,

My goodness… I’m not even sure how or where to begin…

Oy. Last week was a very difficult week for me. I was a candidate for a job and did not get it. I was told that I was a “close second”. I’d been told the same by ** a couple months back in regard to a job there. We’ve been under financial stress and have been counting on my being able to get a job now that I have my voice back. I cannot tell you how hard I prayed for these jobs.

This is actually a hard letter for me to write. I’ve been sitting here staring at the screen. There is just so much…

I just looked back in the journal I started writing in again not long ago. It is a journal that was actually begun at your house the night before Lisa’s memorial. I only wrote in it a few times before June of this year. I wrote in it that you texted me about Swaziland and just said, “I wish.” (July 21) I was waiting to hear about the job when you sent that text and was hoping to be working soon.

The truth is I’ve wanted to write about Africa. I’ve wanted to go there and see things for myself. I’ve wanted to write about the history, the politics, how what is happening in Africa relates to the rest of the world, and our part in things. I don’t even understand all of these things but have read enough to know it is extremely complicated. I’ve wanted to find God in the suffering, if that makes sense. So many non-Christians point to Africa as proof that there is no God. Honestly, looking at the situation for so many all over the world you have to ask yourself where God is in it.

Well over a year ago I told ** God was going to send me to Africa. That was after I’d been told by my doctor that there was nothing more that could be done about my voice. I remember the moment I felt I was going to go. I didn’t write it down but ** does remember me telling him. He has always gotten grumpy when I talk about doing anything like that.

Sometimes we are inundated with support requests for mission trips. It can be overwhelming. We have not been involved in that way. ** did go serve at Camp Barnabas in Missouri in 2007 (camp for disabled children and their families) but she paid for it herself with money she earned babysitting and that she got for her birthday. We didn’t even give her any for it. I figured that if and when I ever got to do a trip of that sort that it would be because we had the money to pay for it. I don’t have a problem with people raising support for trips like that, and ** doesn’t really either, but I don’t think we’d do that for ourselves.

Well, I didn’t get the job. Being told I was a “close second” again brought up some strong feelings. When I was a kid I was on a competitive swim team and swam every stroke. In fact, swimming the butterfly I often came in 3rd or 4th but ended up with the first place ribbon because the others would be disqualified due to their form. There was one trophy awarded per stroke per age division each year. I wanted a trophy, desperately. With each trophy that was awarded someone was given a certificate for being a runner up or “close second”. My last year, I got the certificate for all four strokes in my age division. I never got a trophy for anything ever. It makes me feel stupid and foolish to admit that I felt like I did back then.

The guy that started the homeless ministry I’m involved in on Saturdays wrote a book and his mom gave me a copy. He talks about God speaking to him in it and how he got a tattoo of a cross on his hand as a sort of monument to remind him. God usually “speaks” to me through His Word.

This part is hard for me to tell you… I had been looking at all your pictures on facebook and your house is beautiful. I wish I could tell you that I was happy for all of you but instead I was jealous. Normally, I don’t really struggle that way but every once in awhile I do. It was so bad that I felt like I did years ago…

When we were living in California I met a gal through my bible study that had turned her life around. She had been married before and had three children by two different men, neither of which were her husband. She had been into drugs/alcohol, etc. I really liked her and we introduced her to a single friend of ours who was “pure”. They fell in love. ** went with him to L.A. the day M was going to propose to pick up J’s ring. It was super hot and they were gone hours and hours longer than they said they would be. We were going to watch her children that night and I was grumpy because it was so hot and I was worried about her youngest, who was still breastfed and screamed when his mother wasn’t around.

I’ve never cared about jewelry much but when I saw the ring M had got her I couldn’t believe it. In my inner ugliness I suppose I felt she did not deserve a ring like that. I am never comfortable when I have feelings that I think I shouldn’t… feelings I think are beneath me but I sometimes have. Anyway, when M came to our house later to pick J up he came with the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen (to this day!). J oooohed and aaaaahhhed and then M thrust them at me and told me to take care of them for her.

The baby was already screaming and I was a bit offended. Right after they left ** told me he was going to work (which happened to be air conditioned) and I had a fit. I was going to be left with 6 kids in blistering heat and I thought he was going to be there to help me. Words were said and then he nastily told me to take care of J’s flowers before they started wilting and left.

I was seething as I was sawing through the stems while holding them steady with my left hand when I noticed the diamond was missing from my engagement ring and at that very moment I heard, “You could have nothing.”

I immediately burst into tears. I was so incredibly ashamed. Who was I to judge? Of course, I repented right then and there. I apologized to ** when he got home. And I was happy for M and J when they came back later that evening. I was the Matron of Honor at their wedding. Sadly, they divorced 2 years later.

Those ugly feelings of envy over your house made me feel like I did when I first saw J’s ring. Reading about JO tattooing his hand as a reminder of when God spoke to him made me go looking for that ring. I didn’t even know if I still had it. I did. I took off the ring ** replaced it with (years after that happened) and put the ring with the missing diamond back on. I was so terribly ashamed and prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for God’s continued blessing in your lives. I prayed to be content with my life. I prayed for God to increase my faith and to believe that our needs will be met whether I get a job or not. I let my dream of going to Africa go…

That happened on Thursday. Friday we left on our camping trip. Saturday morning I was fixing breakfast and you, Elysa, called. The last several days have been so strange. I laugh. I cry. I stare…

I’m still… overwhelmed. I will call you tomorrow to find out what all I need to do.

Love, Kelly

To be continued…

Whispers in the Dark, Post 2

2010-09-19T06:00:00.001-06:00

I’ve not been consistent with blogging since I got my voice back. It’s just been fits and starts and little runs here and there. Being able to talk allows me to be fully engaged in life apart from the computer. Then there’s facebook. For an instant gratification girl like me, facebook has been easier to keep up with.

Back in June I dug out a journal I started while at Elysa’s house in Mississippi (who I’m going to Africa with) in October 2008. It was the night before Lisa’s Memorial Service (I wrote about her here, she killed herself). I wrote in it a few times between then and June of 2009. I decided I was going to start writing in it again and read through it. I was stunned. I was not in a good place in June of 2009. My husband was worried about me and wanting my anti-depressants increased. I’d been on them since the spring of 2008, when I was so distraught over our daughter running away. I wrote that I was worried too. I remember last summer waking up in the mornings and thinking, “God please help me.” It was the only prayer I was then capable of.

The first Sunday in September we made a church switch. Our church was much too large and I could never communicate with anyone there. We decided to try a much smaller church. I had had an epiphany prior to this that while I thought there was something that could be done for my voice I continued on as I would have with a voice. I still participated in as much as I could even though it was hard. When my doctor said nothing more could be done for me I just laid down. I decided I needed to accept my lot and get back to being me. Without telling anyone I started weaning myself off of the anti-depressants.

So much happened this last year… I was so intent on putting one foot in front of the other that I didn’t realize how far I had come. Reading through those entries in that journal was like hiking up a mountain and being so focused on how far I had yet to go but then having my breath taken away by turning around and seeing where I’d been.

In January I posted here about how I ended up with my new doctor in Denver. What I didn’t post about was when I first got involved with the ministry to the homeless on Saturday mornings. I showed up with a sign pinned to my jacket that said, “My name is Kelly, I have wacky vocal cords, I’m not sick.” Below that I had Jesus and You with a big red heart in between. Yeah, I know, cheeeeeeeeeeeeezey.

I walked around with a pad and paper and introduced myself to those in line. We serve breakfast outside near a park and it was bitterly cold that day. A church had set up one of those collapsible open sided tents for people to go under for prayer. I walked over to introduce myself and when the lady I spoke to read my sign she promptly drug me to the center of the tent to be prayed over first. This group was more charismatic than I am comfortable with but I just went with it. I even thought, “Hey God, if you want to heal me this way, go right ahead!” A little crowd gathered round and hands were laid on me. I prayed along with them for awhile. They were looking for a miracle and kept asking me to just start talking. I’d try… someone would say I sounded better… someone would ask me if I believe God can heal me… someone would say I need to just let go and let God. Sigh.

As if I hadn’t prayed a thousand times over the 5 years I’d been dealing with Spasmodic Dysphonia. One of them even said that by my saying I had SD I had given it power over me.

What a load of CRAP.

I got away from them as soon as I could without making a scene and went back to writing notes to the homeless people. They started praying over a guy in a wheel chair. After some time there was an uproar and the guy in the wheel chair stood up and faltered through some steps. Two guys in front of me looked at each other and one of them said, “Ugh, so it begins.” The man who was now walking was from their church and no one knew him so they weren’t buying it. I stood there confused. Yes, they were super charismatic but I didn’t think they were liars. I didn’t know what to think.

I continued on my way and at the end of the line was a very tall black man. He read my sign and then looked in my eyes. Most of the homeless that I’ve come in contact with do not make direct eye contact right off so he had my attention. He then said, “Can I ask you a question.” Of course, I said yes.

“Do you believe God can heal you?”

Oh Good Lord! I was highly annoyed and I’m sure he got that. I told him yes, but that obviously God has chosen NOT to. Still holding my gaze he asked me if he could pray for me. I said yes and he put his hand on my shoulder and turned me toward the mountains.

I wish so much I could remember the words he said. It was like poetry and all I could think was, who is this guy? Has he been to Seminary or something? When he was done he again looked very intently into my eyes and said, “I don’t know how or when but, God is going to heal you.”

I believed him.

Of course, I was thinking someday in the future through adult stem cells or something along those lines. It was only a couple weeks later that I was talking through the same treatment I’d been getting all along but through a different technique and a new doctor.

I’ve never seen that guy since. I’ve asked about him but no one knows him. Of course, my Christian family members and friends all think he was an angel. I really don’t know what to think. Maybe…

Interestingly, his name was Edmund. That gets to me a bit. In 2006, I wrote a VBS curriculum for our church using the Narnia DVD. When I was a kid I loved the Chronicles of Narnia and read them again and again. In fact, I remember lying in bed and wishing so much that Aslan was real and that he would come for me. I didn’t know the author was a Christian. I didn’t know that the story contained biblical principles. I just responded to what Aslan represented. For those not familiar with the story, Edmund was a child that Aslan laid down his life for.

Whatever that encounter with Edmund was it shook me.

To be continued…

Whispers in the Dark, Post 1

2010-09-18T06:00:00.002-06:00

Do you ever doubt God exists? I do. As a Christian that is a scary thing to admit. The thing is, I’m human. I have questions that go unanswered. And I just don’t get some stuff. Some times my faith boils down to the fact that when I try not to believe, I can’t. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I just do.

Some of you that make the blog rounds are familiar with Rechelle, a woman in her early forties, who is now a professing atheist after a lifetime as a Christian. I’ve read her blog for a couple years and wasn’t terribly surprised by her announcement. We exchanged a few e-mails and I shared a little about myself. I understand the process she’s gone through. I’ve been there and just came to a different conclusion than she did.

Blogging is very strange in that in enables you to lay down normal barriers. It kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and some of the whispered conversations I had with friends in the dark during sleepovers. It lends an air of safety. In reality you don’t know who is reading what you write.

So why blog? For me it began out of frustration and pain over losing my voice and being home alone all day after 9 years of homeschooling. My first blog, Laughing Always Helps, I made no mention of my personal struggles. It was just a silly blog meant for laughs and served as a creative outlet. It was also a place where I felt some normalcy. No one knew or needed to know what I sounded like. That all ended in the wee hours after our daughter ran away in January of 2008. I got real on my blog and it was no laughing matter.

The outpouring of support through that blog during that time was incredible. However, I deleted the blog after a couple months when someone from our real life stepped into our family drama through seemingly innocuous information they got off my blog… that our daughter had been accepted into a runaway program for teens. Within hours of that post this person tracked my daughter down and made a sticky situation even stickier. It’s not the complete stranger reading your blog you need to worry about so much as it is those who know you. Obviously, I returned to blogging. I missed it. Not being able to speak clearly isolated me and being social by nature I needed to interact with others.

This blog is “anonymous.” However, if you’ve been reading awhile you know my name is Kelly. I’ve also posted videos of me talking. I don’t post my family member’s names or pictures showing their faces. Many people that know me in real life do know of this blog but most don’t. I’m about to change that a bit. This blog will still be semi-anonymous in that I will continue to not use my family member’s real names or post identifiable pictures of them. However, I am going to link my blog to my facebook account.

Why?

I’m not 100% sure. I just feel compelled to do so. It has to do with this trip to Africa. It has to do with Rechelle. It has to do with the fact that too often I feel Christians shy away from the hard questions. What harder question to ask of God then why is there so much suffering in this world? Why are innocent children starving to death? Where is God in all of that?

Someone said to me today that the answer to Africa’s problems is nuclear warfare. This person would never go to Africa. There’s no point.

I am going to Africa in search of answers. I want to share the journey with you which is frightening for me. I want some assurance that at the end of this I will be able to present the answers to you all wrapped up with a pretty bow. At the same time I know that is not going to happen.

To be continued…

In 48 Hours...

2010-09-16T06:30:00.002-06:00

I will be boarding a plane to Atlanta, Georgia. There I will meet up with all the members on our team and we will fly together to Johannesburg, South Africa. From there we will drive 3+ hours to Swaziland.

I've been working on a series of posts to run every day throughout the time I am gone, starting on Saturday. They are my journey before the journey.

I will have Internet access but am not sure if I will have time to post from Africa. I will pop through a few short greetings if I can.

Erica, a fellow team member also from Colorado that I've yet to meet, put up a moving post yesterday here.

In fact, we've got a total of five Bloggers on our team including myself. Here are the links:

Danielle at Moms4Change
Mike, Danielle's husband, at More Than Enough
Elysa at Musings From Graceland
Erica at In the Blink of my Eyes

My goodness... there's a lot to be done before I leave!

Please Join Us in Prayer!!!

2010-09-07T17:00:00.000-06:00

Danielle at Moms4Change is the team co-ordinator for our trip to Africa and has daily prayer requests and information on her blog. She also has a place where you can enter your e-mail address to receive the posts.

I can't believe we are leaving in just 11 days!

I have got to get a newsletter out for the medical clinic this week so I am a bit consumed with that. My house is so chaotic that I went and hid in an office at the clinic today for four hours and only got two articles written. Writing is easy for me but I am usually just writing for fun and don't really care about grammar or how things are worded. It is very important that this newsletter inspire people to actually read the content. I just want to do a really good job for this awesome ministry and am feeling very inadequate.

Well, I am off to the library. I need some books on African folklore.

Life in the Fast Lane

2010-09-01T19:30:00.001-06:00

Boy... the days just get away from me lately! I just thought to myself, "I'll get back to blogging tomorrow," and realized my days of doing that turned into over a week.

My Dad just visited for three days and I didn't know he was coming until a couple days before he arrived. It was so nice to get to spend some time with him!

Our team to Swaziland is doing a little VBS for the kids at Beveni Carepoint (I learned the proper spelling is Bheveni and it is pronounced Buh Vaney... but Children's HopeChest is spelling it Beveni for whatever reason) and I volunteered to get that together. I worked with innercity/homeless children in Jackson, MS, for 5 years using a curriculum (written by a friend) designed for children at risk. I thought I could just pull some lessons from that and it would be like stepping into an old pair of shoes for me. After going through the materials, however, I've decided to just write one. I wrote a VBS curriculum for our church in 2006 using the Narnia DVD. I just want what we teach to be relevant to their life experience. If it goes well, we can then hand it off to other teams going to other areas.

I need to get the newsletter out for a medical clinic and am stressing about that. It is really important I do an excellent job for them and am praying that I can write it in such a way that people will actually read it.

Pumpkin Spice's stuff arrived... Sadly, a kind lady and her husband found a box on the side of the road in Nebraska with my mother-in-law's contact info. It was the box containing her mother's china and most of it was destroyed. The lady is boxing up what survived and shipping it to us. What an angel!!! And what a blessing to know what happened to that box! Pumpkin cried and cried though.

First football game of the season Friday night!

Rushing Water

2010-08-23T14:00:00.000-06:00

If I were an Indian I think my name would have to be changed from She Who Sits By Water to Rushing Water. OY!!!

I've got a lot to do today. I did want to share something here real quick though. Last Thursday I took Pumpkin Spice (mil) to a bible study that a dear lady from our church leads. It is a Beth Moore study and most of the ladies there don't actually go to our church. There is a workbook that you work through and a section where you fill in the blanks during the DVD portion of the study. My friend was giving the women the answers so they could concentrate during the DVD and not worry about filling in those blanks and was having some trouble with her eyes so I read the answers to the group. When I finished the ladies thanked me and then one of them said, "I just love your voice."

That lady did not know me. She did not know I had a problem with my voice. For whatever reason, I quickly shielded myself from the full impact of her words. I did thank her and shared that I had lost my voice for a number of years. Since then I have shed quite a few tears. Tears of GRATITUDE. Tears of JOY.

For so many years I heard on an almost daily basis how awful I sounded. When I still had enough voice to attempt answering the phone I stopped. I couldn't take running to the phone only to be hung up on because the person on the other end of the line couldn't hear me or couldn't understand me. Or... to have the person exclaim, "You sound AWFUL!!" I was well aware.

My friends and family have all told me I sound great and are excited for me... but, to have someone who knew nothing about any of what I've been through say, "I love the sound of your voice." Oh. My.

Yesterday... I sang along with everyone else at our friend's 50th Birthday party. It always upset me greatly on my children's birthdays that I could not sing along with everyone. This year I was able to sing Happy Birthday to two of them.

To think I dove head first into a vat of despair (which could also be read as a vat of food) nearly three years ago when my doctor said there was nothing more that could be done for me...

WOW.

Sweet Peas

2010-08-20T00:05:00.000-06:00

Tea with Tiffany has started a very worthwhile weekend meme! Check it out!

Father God,

I thank you and praise you for all you are doing in and through my life. I thank you that you never leave me in a place of discouragement too long, even if it has felt like it when I was there. I thank you for this blogging community and what it has meant to me throughout the time I've been a part. Lord, I pray for those who come here that I don't know... I pray that they are met by you where they are.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Angela at Free Spirit Haven also has her ongoing Fearless Fridays where she prays for bloggers.

If you ever have a prayer need please let me know! You can leave a request in a comment or e-mail me privately at coffeebeankel@earthlink.net.

29 Days...

2010-08-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

Jumbo & Kriek Swaziland 2009 from Jumbo on Vimeo.

My life is so full right now... I feel like the days are going so quickly. I suppose it is good in that the day I leave for Africa will be here before I know it. However, I find myself just wanting to be somewhere quiet so I can sit and think about how incredible this all is.

Grandma is Here

2010-08-19T21:30:00.001-06:00

Meet Browny

He is 12 years old, very plump and quite odoriferous.

And... he is a sweetie.

So you know, my mother-in-law cannot smell.

At. All.

The initial meeting of the dogs was incredibly stressful!

We did it in the front yard and Double Shot had friends over.

Oy.

Benny was frothing at the mouth and acting like he was going to rip poor Browny to shreds. I had to sit under the tree petting Browny while I pet Benny with my other hand with Double Shot holding him back with the choke collar.

We all survived and things are okay now. There are some issues with toys and food that will hopefully get better in time.

Chai Tea drew this golden retriever and heart design and my mother-in-law had it tattooed on her calf. She is a real character. I've written about her before here.

My mother-in-law shall henceforth be known as Pumpkin Spice Latte on this blog...

Having an anonymous blog gets complicated sometimes.

Since she is now living with us she needs a "coffee" name.

It just occurred to me that that name is longer than mother-in-law.

Oy.

I'll probably just call her Pumpkin on here.

She loves anything pumpkin.

I do too.

Pumpkin Spice is sitting upstairs with a piercing in her lip. She's playing a trick on Mr. Macchiato and Double Shot. We even rubbed some lipstick around her lip and chin on that side to make it look irritated. I'm cracking up!

I'm also very glad she didn't really get a piercing.

Elysa's Story...

2010-08-17T15:30:00.001-06:00

Elysa posted on her blog how it came to be that they are the instruments God has used to bless me with this trip to Africa...

I am so humbled and grateful.

Counting Down...

2010-08-17T08:30:00.002-06:00

Thirty-two days until I leave for Africa...

Elysa purchased our plane tickets yesterday. She was on the phone and computer for hours! I feel so strange having everything taken care of for me. All I had to do was get my passport and fill out some paperwork...

Elysa posted a short little video of some children playing in the dirt on facebook. I also posted it on my page. I think I watched it 30 times. I would post here but can't figure out how. It is just a bunch of noisy, happy kids. I once heard a woman from Ghana speak at our church and she said something so profound I have never forgotten it. She said that a mother's grief is the same in every language. Watching that video I realized that a child's innocent laughter is the same in any language as well. They don't know the full of extent of their circumstances and to see that kind of joy displayed is wondrous.

I've been struggling with the fact that I'm only going to be there 11 days. I wonder what good that could possibly do. Isn't it hard on the children to have people come and go like that? There are missionaries that live there and those that go short term provide help... but the cost per person for such a short stay is so high. My father asked me if it wouldn't be better to just send the money that would have been spent on airfare to the ministry.

And I watched the video again...

When I was a little girl a bus went through our neighborhood to pick up children and take them to Sunday School. I don't remember what my Sunday School teacher looked like or her name. Yet, I very much remember her. I didn't like "Little Church" so she let me go to "Big Church" with her. I would sit there and listen while I played with the little cross that hung from the zipper on my white bible with the gold letters. Sometimes she put her arm around me and hugged me while we sat there. My parents were separated for 11 months when I was 7/8 so I was a sad girl.

During that same time there was an old widow with a weeping willow tree in her front yard. She made burnt Jiffy Pop popcorn and played the board game Sorry with me and some other kids in the neighborhood. Her hugs were the best.

I also don't remember my third grade teacher's name or what she looked like. I do remember her letting me stay with her during recess and her holding my hand and how she would gently pat my head whenever she passed by my desk.

I am hoping to be what these women were for me for a child or more in Africa. You never know what events sear their impressions into the memory of a child or how meaningful a touch can be to a child that is hurting. Sitting here with these memories of my own I am reminded of that. Who I am and whether they remember me or not is not what matters here.

The First Fifteen...

2010-08-16T12:00:00.001-06:00

I'm a busy girl right now but I really need to stop and chronicle this adventure that my life has become. I decided to blog for fifteen minutes here and there as I can.

Africa. I'm going. I still can't believe it. The entire trip is paid for through the incredible generosity of friends that raised the money for their own portions of the trip. That blows my mind.

We will be going to Swaziland to work at the Beveni Carepoint through Children's HopeChest. We will spend time with orphans and won't know exactly what we will be doing until we are there. Whatever they need done, I suppose. Swaziland is the country most affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. The life expectancy is only 28-32 years and they are losing 2% of their population each year. There are young children trying to care for their younger siblings by themselves...

Since I started looking for work there have been people that have asked me if I could do whatever I wanted what would that be? I usually laugh and tell them, "Go see things for myself in Africa and write about it... the history, the politics, the problems, possible solutions, and to find God in the midst of the suffering." My pipe dream... You know, the one you don't ever think will really become a reality and if it does, that it is far off in the future... after you've won the lottery. As for the here and now, I was looking to do event planning for non-profits. Or... any job, really.

So many people have tried to console me through my not getting those jobs by telling me that those weren't the right jobs for me and that God had something better in store. I'm pretty sure I've even said similar words to others when they've been disappointed. It is hard for me to jump up and say, "Yes! This trip is exactly why I didn't get those jobs! God knew He was sending me to Africa!" Although, I certainly do feel that way. I worry about the people that are still struggling with disappointment, that pray continually for whatever situation they are in, and aren't seeing any good come from it... yet. I also know so many stories of people who struggle year after year after year, whether it is financial, health or relational. I know they pray too.

Here I have been given an incredible gift and I'm struggling with the "Why?" of it. I am so grateful and excited, although somewhat scared. I am not concerned about being uncomfortable, getting sick or for my safety. I'm afraid I'm going to have my heart broken, that what I'm going to see is going to hurt. I'm under no illusion that my 11 days will change much of anything for the people I will come in contact with. I am astounded by the cost of my trip and wonder if it wouldn't be better to just send that money to the ministry. Yet, this has been given to me so I am going to go. We don't have money to give right now. Our house is full and we have no way of adopting children from here in the U.S., much less another country. What is the point of me going? I do not want this trip to be about a self indulgent, middle aged woman becoming more grateful for the life of ease I've always lived.

What can I do? Right now the only thing I can think of is to write about it. Hopefully, I will be able to do more than that. Maybe an idea will come to me or another door will open through which I can become more a part of the solution to some of the problems we face in this world. I don't know. I just know that this door opened and I'm walking through it.

On the home front, my mother-in-law arrives tomorrow! She's already gotten some mail here which made it all the more real that she is moving in with us. School starts for Double Shot on Wednesday and the first "official" football practice is tonight. Of course, he's been in conditioning all summer. Chai Tea has moved down into the office and the office was moved out into the family room. Frappy took all of her furniture last year when she moved from the dorms into an apartment so we had moved Chai Tea into her room when she moved back home in March. Frappy's room will now be Grandma's room. When Frappy comes to visit since Chai Tea moved home she's either slept in Chai's room with her or on the couch. Cuppa Joe usually comes with her and takes the futon in the basement.

Okay... I went over fifteen minutes a tad. LOL!

Oh! And a little bit of personal trivia... I broke my back in a jet ski accident up near the Canadian border in Idaho 17 years ago today... and my little brother was in a terrible car accident 2 years ago today and was in a coma. He is doing well... just released his second CD.

In Awe...

2010-08-12T11:15:00.001-06:00

Do Something Now from Children's HopeChest on Vimeo.

An amazing thing has happened in my life. In September I am going to Africa.

I got a call on Saturday morning asking if I believe in miracles. Elysa had asked me in July what it would take to get me to Africa and I told her a miracle. At that time I was waiting to hear on that job I wanted so desperately...

Everyone told me I didn't get that job because God had something better in store for me. I wanted to believe that but I don't know that I did.

I do now.

I will, of course, be sharing my journey here.

To God be the glory.

2010-08-02T08:30:00.000-06:00

I did not get that job. I was told I was a "close second." Oy. As if that makes it better. Looking for a job is quite the drag. But... such is life, eh? Thankfully, I seem to be handling this disappointment a little better than I handled the last one.

I had another set of botox injections last week. My voice was going fast. I cannot tell y'all how grateful I am for my doctor in Denver and how good he is at what he does. I went in on Thursday and my voice was back Friday. I do not have the typical side effects and things happen right away. I am still blown away by it all. My doctor saw a very famous singer the day I saw him. In fact, he sees many famous performers. I so wish I could tell y'all who!!! But... I can't.

Well, I have got a busy day! I host a women's fellowship at our house on Monday nights and need to prepare for it. You can take that to mean... clean like a crazy woman. LOL!

Happy Monday!

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

2010-07-26T07:45:00.002-06:00

I should hear about that job I interviewed for (and want really bad) this week. Hopefully, TODAY. Unfortunatley, I am not feeling uber positive. I do not like that feeling of being in limbo.

This was Friday's sunset. I snapped this on our way home from Denver. Mr. Macchiato and I drove up to the airport to see a friend during his short lay over. We were both in his wedding and had not seen him in 18 years. Both of our families moved away from the Northwest early in our marriages. It was so good to see him and hopefully it won't be long before we can all meet up again.

Double Shot had a scrimmage in full pads on Saturday. He's been moved to outside linebacker on defense and was a beast. Of all the sports he plays, I find football the most interesting. It also happens to be the sport that he loves the most. Fall is my favorite season and I'm getting excited about it being around the corner. I just love it! Everything about it!

Oy. I have so much to do today. Blogging isn't something I can concentrate on right now. My mother-in-law is moving in in less than a month and I've got so much I need to get ready for that. If I do get this job, I will be under the gun big time. But, that would be fine with me! LOL! I just need a job!

Oh Benny...

2010-07-21T16:00:00.001-06:00

This is our Beloved dog, Eve. For me, she holds a place in my heart that will never be filled again. She was my Forever Dog. She died in January 2007 and I am still brought to tears when I think about her. It was my intention to never get another dog after LuLu lived out her days.

But... several months later I saw him in a pet store. Chai Tea was with me and tried her best to get me to hold him. I would not. I could not get out of there fast enough. He was in a pet store that we often went to to look at puppies because we thought we would never be tempted to buy one from there. It was a terrible place. We were wrong.
a
The next day Mr. Macchiato suggested we go look. I had not breathed a word to him about the rolly polly boy golden that was there. I agreed and the second I walked through the door I hoped he was still there. He was. He was asleep with his ear hanging down in his water dish. I ran to him and picked him up. I told Mr. Macchiato he breathed his magic puppy breath and I had to have him. The truth is... he worked his magic before I ever even smelled his puppy breath.
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Mr. Macchiato, like me the day before, refused to touch him. Losing Eve had been so painful... We really couldn't afford to buy him. The rest of that day was spent going back and forth. I gave up and that night Mr. Macchiato told me I could get him the next day if he was still there.
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Double Shot and I were there the second the shop opened. I noticed a sign on the wall that said you got a $100 discount if you paid in cash. I left Double Shot there and went to the bank across the street. We had a limit on how much cash could be extracted from the cash machine each day so I had to go into the bank and wait in line. Double Shot was frantic when I got back to the shop because I'd been gone so long and some ladies had been looking at Benny. He took him to another part of the store and hid until I could get there. It was his 14 year old way of protecting "our" dog.
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Of course, we were all immediately in love. I was worried about training him and got him on a schedule right away. We all, even Mr. Macchiato, had scheduled "Benny Time" in which we got to play with him alone. He was potty trained in no time and brought great joy to our family.
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LuLu, the grumpy old lady she was, loved him as well. She would get tired of his antics at times and let herself into her crate and then close the door with her paw. Benny would always lay down and pout when she did that. She also never liked for him to whine or cry. Whenever he did she would lift her nose high and start howling.

Benny adored LuLu. He followed her everywhere!

This is our favorite picture of the two of them together.

We all used to sit around and just watch them play. They were so funny!

They also spent a lot of time just hanging out next to one another. LuLu died just five days after Double Shot's parrot, Paco, died last June. Benny went crazy. Frappacino had driven down from college to be there when we put her down and had to go right back up. We took her out to eat and came home to a dog that had barked so much that all around his crate was soaked with his spit. We had to put the crate away and take him with us when we went places if we could. He eventually settled down and whenever we did leave him at home he waited on the couch looking out of our living room window.

In October, I brought Taffy home. My Mom breeds Shih Tzu's and we fell in love with Taffy when we visited in June of 2008. She was born the day after Benny was born. Benny was crazy about her from the get go. She, on the other hand, took some warming up. Of course, she weighs 8 lbs, he weighs 75 lbs and his exuberance was more than intimidating.

They love each other. In March, my Mom took Taffy back to Washington to have one last litter. Benny was obviously depressed but did not react at all like he did when LuLu died. We had intended to get Taffy back but my mother-in-law is moving in next month and she has a golden retriever... and I've been looking for a job... I just didn't know how so many people and three dogs in one house would work out, so I told my Mom we might not take her back.

Last month Double Shot and I went to see my Mom for ten days. Benny completely flipped out. It is so bad that I took him to the vet last week and he is on anti-anxiety medication. He will not pee until his bladder is so full he can't control it. I've even sent the Dog Whisperer e-mails. Our vet thinks he is a co-dependent type dog that needs to have another dog. He was upset that Taffy was gone and then all of a sudden two of his people just disappeared. My mother-in-law will be here in a few weeks with Browny... but he is an old retriever with problems. I'm afraid Benny will bond to him and then he will die. He's already bonded to Taffy so we will get her back and then if something happens to Browny, Taffy will help him get through it. We just don't know when we can work that out to get Taffy. So... for now, he's drugged twice a day. Not that that is helping much yet.

Good Lord. Who knew having a dog could get so complicated? Right now, Double Shot and I are the only ones Benny will go potty for. Last night I had to let him off leash in the park in the pouring rain and wait. I felt like I was back in the potty training days making a big deal out of him going potty and giving him a treat. It breaks my heart how he walks around all uncertain and shaking before he goes. We can't allow him out in the house much at all right now. He doesn't understand... Poor Booper.

Rolling Along...

2010-07-13T13:30:00.001-06:00

My goodness... my life has just been a hOpPiN lately! It's almost as if I'm on a joy ride and I'm not quite sure what each day is going to bring as I roll on down the road.

I stumbled upon a ministry that has just blown me away and when they said they needed someone to take on their newsletter, I stepped up. A bit crazy considering I'm looking for a job and it is a serious commitment... but, I am trusting that God will work out those little details. I am just so incredibly impressed by what this ministry has been able to accomplish that I am honored to be able to meet a need they have.

My big interview is drawing near. Hopes are up. I always try to be realistic... My husband is a pessimist and says that it keeps him from being disappointed. That just isn't me though. I grab the tiniest glimmers of hope and run through my imagination with them. And... I do suffer disappointment. It is during those times I think Mr. Macchiato has it right and I should try to think more the way he does. However, in the end, it just isn't who I am. Besides, new glimmers always come along to distract me. Also, I don't think thinking one way or the other is better. It is just that glass half full or half empty thing... and they are both right.

I've started a Ladies Home Fellowship and am pretty excited about it.

Our little Double Shot turned 18 this weekend. Hard to believe. He had such a hard start in life with all his medical issues and I look at him now and am totally amazed. There was a time when I didn't think he'd make it to ten years old because of his lack of fear and impulsivity (that is a word, I think). Methinks he will be a good man. Right now... he is still a teenager with a year of high school left. OY!

So... yeah. I'm rolling along here. I hope to get to some blogs and see what y'all are up to!