Friday, February 26, 2010

Oh Good Lord... Is it Friday Already?

Pant Pant Pant...

Why... Oh why did I not take care of stuff in this house when I had the TIME?!?!? Yikes! I am trying to get a job... trying to learn a computer program... and I need to get things in order before Chai Tea comes home in two weeks! Rooms need to be moved around... closets cleared out... AAAHHHH!!!

But... it is ALL GOOD.

I had additional injections done on Wednesday to try to bring my voice to a more normal place. I'm having some difficulty swallowing this morning so I'm afraid I'm going to lose power and be very breathy for a bit. That is how it goes... The trick is to find the right dose and figure out the correct spacing of the injections so that I get the maximum benefit with the minimum side effects. There is a certain job I want that was placed on hold yesterday. They had a shake up with someone resigning so they need to figure some things out before filling the position I want. Hopefully, it will all work out. I am praying I find a job that I find interesting and that one would be.

I pulled out all the homeschool materials I still have that I packed away when we did our remodel almost three years ago. Oy. I didn't realize I still had so much. I'm going to try to sell it. That is a bit stressful for me...

Well, I need to get on with it!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My Head is in a WHIRL!!!

My goodness... I feel like I've jumped onto a fast moving train.

Chai Tea is moving back home mid March. She is currently in Ohio so Mr. Macchaito is going to fly out there and drive back with her. We can definitely use prayer for all of us as we adjust! There is also a lot I need to do to get ready for her in a short amount of time.

I'm also interested in a certain job and doing everything I can to get my foot in the door... namely cramming to learn Excel ASAP and get a better handle on Word. Please pray for me! IF I could get this job it would be AMAZING!!!

My doctor is going to re-do the injections. I am still very raspy and sound like I have a sore throat. He thinks we can get it better than this. Please pray he gets the dosing right. If he gives me a little too much I could lose my voice for a couple weeks before it comes back in stronger and I need my voice right now... especially while trying to get this job.

I am stressed but exhilarated at the same time. If someone would have told me I was going to be where I am right now ten days ago... I would not have believed them.

WOW!!!

Monday, February 22, 2010

My Resume

Coffee Bean
1978 Broke Down House Rd.
Somewhere in Colorado
Telephone: 1-800-GIVEMEAJOB
Email: coffeebeankel@earthlink.net
______________________________________________________________________________


Objective:
Keep out of Debtor’s Prison…
Experience:

November 1988 - Present
Wife,
Honey, Sneezey, Spousal Unit…

Cooking
Cleaning
Nagging
Spending

February 1989 - Present
Mother,
Mama, Mom…


Milk Making
Rocking
Training
Disciplining
Loving

September 1998 - May 2007

Homeschooler,
Maaahaaaaom!, Gatekeeper of HELL (read that about me in one of their diaries)…


Planning
Organizing
Teaching
Praying


Education:


September 1986 - March 1988

Community College
Drop Out

Skills:
Multi-tasking
Work under Pressure
Can survive anything

______________________________________________________________________________

Big Changes...

Things had been changing around here before I got my voice back.

My mother-in-law and Chai Tea are going to be moving in with us in May or June. Fly Boy (Chai Tea's fiance) left the ROTC program and may or may not be enlisting in the Reserves and... is planning on moving here as well. These will be pretty major changes.

An immediate change I didn't see coming is that I'm looking for a job. I've been doing the stay at home Mom gig for 22+ years. This should be interesting. We are feeling the effects of this current economy more and more. So far Mr. Macchiato has been able to juggle things and keep all our balls up in the air but... he doesn't know how much longer he can do it. We've been praying. I can't help but wonder if the return of my voice is an answer and a way for us to meet those needs now. If God can work through a doctor and allow a treatment to work that I've had many times before with no result... He can work through an employer to see past my lack of experience, consider my potential, and give me a chance.

You know... you really never do know what is around the corner for you. I wasted so much time here at home! I have all these projects that I've put off... the office closet, all our pictures, working on my book... Why is it that the more time I have the less I get done? I hate that about myself! I've taken steps over the last several months... a sort of flexing of my atrophied multi-tasking muscles... but, hadn't really gotten back into using them regularly. I suppose I need pressure to do that. Well, I'm feeling some pressure! And... you know what? I think I like it.

Some people are afraid of change. Not me. I think it is the Army Brat in me. I was so afraid that the rest of my life was going to be spent waiting around like I have been the last couple years...

As fellow blogger Chris likes to say... ONWARD!!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

HALLELUJAH!



THIS SONG SAYS IT ALL!!! MY VOICE IS COMING BACK!!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

And the World Keeps Turning...

Today is a bit of a strange day for me.

I went to Denver this morning with Mr. Macchiato for my botox injections. My doctor here in the Springs felt that I was botox resistant due the lack of response to the large doses he'd given me. My injections prior to today were often traumatic. I did have some that I got through fairly well. Then there were the ones where every ounce of my being was screaming for that needle to be out of my neck and tears would roll down my cheeks while I prayed fervently that I would not move involuntarily and cause some sort of irreparable damage. This doctor uses a much thinner needle and injects from the sides rather than through the front. He injected the lowest dose into each side and it was painless. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even feel the initial prick of the second injection. I felt nothing go down the back of my throat. I had absolutely no taste of anything. When he had me count to three after each one there was a change in how I sounded. That leaves quickly and I sound as I always do now but should experience some changes in 3-5 days. If after 5 days I have not I will go back in and he will do it again with a higher dose. He feels he got it in the right spot. I think he's right.

My doctor here in the Springs is a good doctor and I don't want to make it sound like I had a crappy doctor the last 5 years. The fact is this condition is rare. Very few doctors have the specialized training to treat it. They just don't see enough of this in their practices to get good at treating it quickly. My new doctor in Denver specializes in this.

Oh my gosh... and he is aWeSoMe!!!

I couldn't help myself. I hugged him. Twice. First just after the injections and then again before we left. Mr. Macchiato may hug him next time if this works. And... I think it will.

Hope. My goodness... It has been awhile. After I dropped Mr. Macchiato off at work I allowed myself to think about some things I had to shut out of my mind. The possibility of regaining my voice... Oh my gosh. There is so much I've missed...

I used to talk to my Mom on the phone nearly every day. It is rare when that happens now. We've had to rely on e-mail, which I am sorry, is not the same. So many times I've just wanted to talk to my Mom... not being able to talk to her has hurt the most.

Dang... just being able to talk on the phone! Make my own appointments! Mr. Macchiato has doubled as my secretary.

Being able to answer a question someone asks from another room!

Being able to sing (very badly) my favorite songs when I'm by myself!

And... maybe.. just maybe... I will get to sing lullabies and read stories to my future grandchildren.

I'm filled with joy today!

At the same time... I am also very sad.

A co-worker of Mr. Macchiato's has lost her son. The last of the family arrived from other states today so they could say their goodbyes. He was only 25 years old and leaves behind a baby girl not yet a year old. He had been drinking and fell out of his vehicle... his organs will be harvested later tonight.

We are taking the family dinner tonight. I've got a cake in the oven. I was going to buy throw away containers so there were no worries about getting stuff back to us but then I thought... No, I want to take all this stuff in real dishes. And then I almost started bawling right there in Walmart. Oy. I've been thinking a lot about the day my Grandma died. We went back to my Mom's and there were all these doughnuts and a big pot of homemade chicken soup the caretaker made. I don't eat doughnuts often but I did that morning and they were good. That homemade soup was so homey and ... comforting. I decided that comfort food was in order. So, I'm making beef stroganoff, a big salad, taking crusty rustic type bread and a German chocolate cake. I decided to make a cake like that in a 9x13 pan because that's how my Grandma made her cakes and... I didn't want to buy a dessert. There's a feeling you get from certain kinds of food and I am hoping and praying that what I make today will be for them what that bowl of chicken soup was for me the day my Grandma died.

Ugh... so HARD!!!! I cannot fathom the pain of losing a child. I pray to God I never experience that.

Really... the most painful thing I've been through in my life was Chai Tea running away. I didn't think I could bear it. I did survive but it was a long hard road. In a moment our lives completely changed forever. It's one of those things you have to have gone through to really understand. During that time I was so shell shocked that just going to the grocery store was an emotional experience that left me exhausted. I shared on here before that I once was talking to myself and said rather loudly, "I was a good mother!" and when I noticed people looking at me and realized I had said that out loud I started crying and just left my full cart there and went home. It was humiliating. At the same time, it taught me that you just don't know what people are going through. Since that day I look at the people stumbling around in the store who aren't paying attention and I wonder... oh my goodness, what is going on in their life?

Every day life is happening all around us. We can be having the best day while someone else is losing everything. There was a time when I would have felt guilty that something good is happening in my life today while this other family is losing someone they love. Now I know that isn't necessary. I am happy about my appointment. I am also sad for this family. I can be both at the same time. It is the ebb and flow of life...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

New Year's Experiment Update

Meh.

The challenge at our gym started 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I've got 8 weeks left. I had all my stats re-done this morning. I've lost ten pounds and seven inches. However, looking in my file we found that my measurements were not taken correctly at the beginning. The measurements today showed that my fat percentage has gone up but that is not possible. I did not think that my fat percentage measurement was right when they took it and I said something then. This means my results are going to be skewed. Today I was one percentage point higher than what was stated in the records. Oy.

My before pictures are in that file as well. HORRIFYING. Why on earth did I do this? I signed a release for those pictures. OH. MY. SWEET. JESUS.

That's not swearing. It is a prayer of DESPERATION.

Wow. I've had some people tell me I'm brave. Ummm. No. Stupid would be more accurate.

WHY? why? WhY? Waaaaahuuuuhuuuuwhhhhhhhhy???

On a more positive note... yes, I am aware 10 lbs and 7 inches means I've made progress. It is my problem that I wanted more progress than that. Also... the blood sugar has been excellent and I have not been in the pre-diabetes range at all the last couple weeks. No drugs for me.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Blogging Blahs

I don't know what to blog about. I've got the Blogging Blahs... again. I haven't had time to read many other blogs and what I like most about blogging is the going back and forth between blogs. Just writing stuff on mine and leaving it hang out there... meh.

The problem is that the people that I know in "real life" that read this blog get worried when I don't post. I can't talk on the phone. This blog and facebook are tools that allow me to be social in a different way and allows friends and family a window into our life (well, the ones that know about it, LOL!).

So... I'm just going to briefly state some of the things that have been going on that have made it hard for me to blog lately.

Another blogger has converted from Christianity to Atheism. I'm sure there are some who read here that also read her blog. I had her personal e-mail in my address book from when I won a contest of hers some time back and was surprised when she answered me. I was honest with her about my having struggled with many of the same questions she has. In July of 2008, I posted Up Close and Personal. This past week I've thought so much about this blogger and revisited all of my questions... when I looked this post up it amazed me how even though it was written a year and half ago, it all still applies for me.

I was supposed to start posting regularly on my Uneducated blog and had the idea to interview people. I even contacted a Senator here that agreed and we had several e-mails back and forth but then... he never got around to actually answering my questions. That was a roller coaster because I got so excited about it and then... nothing came of it. I also started researching different relief agencies and wanted to do a sort of series... which I still want to do. However, that sparked in me a desire to get back into doing something myself instead of waiting around for it to be easier for me to do so.

I spent Saturday morning serving in a new ministry to the homeless. My mind is very much occupied with this...

I've been going through cupboards and closets... re-organizing and de-cluttering.

I've been chatting with Fly Boy on facebook quite a bit. He and Chai Tea are seriously considering moving back here. This is HUGE!!! (Little background if you haven't read my blog long... Chai Tea is our oldest daughter. She ran away 2 years ago. Fly Boy is her fiance' and was her boyfriend at that time).

We had a bunch of people over for the Super Bowl and had a great time!

We finally got the insurance authorization for my doctor in Denver. Mr. Macchiato and I will be going up there next week for my botox injections and speech therapy.

And all kinds of other stuff... wrestling... dates with friends... bible study... I feel like myself again. After two years... wow.

AND... this normally non TV watching person has been watching TV. 24, Lost... and dare I admit American Idol??? Oy. We do DVR these shows so we can skip all the commercials and watch it when we feel like it... which is usually about 5 minutes after they end. So, I am off to watch tonight's 24 episode.

I'll try to reconnect with you bloggers on your blogs this week. I miss you!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Fearless Friday


Angela of FREE SPIRIT HAVEN is so faithful with the Fearless Friday prayer for fellow bloggers! She has prayed for me many times! Thanks Ang!

Leave me a comment or e-mail me at coffeebeankel@earthlink.net if you would like me to pray for you. I would be honored to do so.

So many are going through so much right now...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

So Wrong... So Very Wrong.

Okay. I do love a good embarrassing poop story. I'm sorry. Poop makes me laugh. I don't know why. Mr. Macchiato thinks it is genetic and was passed down to me through my Grandpa, who himself enjoyed talking about poop.

But... that doesn't mean I want to hear about it all the time. In fact, I don't. Double Shot feels the need to tell me all about it. Every day. I get texts from him at school. What kind of Mother/Son relationship is that? He's trying to gain weight but he says that all the extra food he's been eating just makes him poop more.

Tonight I was driving him home from wrestling practice and he started in...

Double Shot: Don't you hate it when you think you have to take a dump and it is just a bunch of air?

Me: Long sigh... Do you have to tell me about your poop every day?

Double Shot: Yeah.

Me: I am your mother and you are disgusting.

Double Shot: You love poop stories.

Me: No, I don't.

Double Shot: Yeah, you do. You always start laughing.

Me: Ugh.

Double Shot: Did I ever tell you about the time I was being lazy and just chewed up sunflower seeds and ate them?

Me: ugh..

Double Shot: That was the scratchiest and hardest poop ever. It hurt so bad. I think my butt hole bled. I have never ever swallowed sunflower seeds again.

Me: Laughing... laughing... laughing... sides hurting... need air...

I hate myself.