Thursday, April 1, 2010

Pushing Through Discouragement

Looking for work after being a SAHM for over twenty years is depressing, to say the least. There is a whole range of emotions I go through each day which includes questioning the choices I've made in my life. It is a hard place to be in.

Last Friday night we had some friends over for dinner. They also chose to have the Mom stay home and she has not been able to find work either. We, of course, complained about our mutual plight and then she told me she told her girls to never ever give up a job for their family. I was taken back by that and have been mulling it over ever since.

I, of course, wish that I had finished college. I've thought that it would have been smart to have at least a part-time job through the years to have kept myself current and marketable. I look at my friend that lost her husband in September and all that she's had to face after staying home with her children for over twenty years...

Have we all paid too high a price to be stay at home moms?

This question has been in the back of my mind for weeks. It is a hard question to ask yourself. I suppose it would be easy to answer if my children were issue-less. Due to some of the problems we've had I often wonder how much different the outcome would have been had we made different choices.

If only I knew then what I know now... How many of us say that to ourselves?

I had to stop myself and that line of thought. I've descended into the pit of despair too many times in the past to not recognize the path. Of what benefit is the endless questioning? Do those thoughts help or hinder me now?

The truth is... It is what it is. Spending my time thinking about how we could have done things differently is detrimental and an impediment to moving forward.

Now all I need to do is figure out how to keep myself re-directed toward the future with an attitude that I can and will find creative ways to overcome the obstacles in my path.

And... you know what? I'm pretty sure I'd make the choice to stay home with my kids again if I had the chance.


Gladys said...

CB this is not the best economy to be job searching. Do not give up and sometimes you find jobs in the strangest places. Do you volunteer? That is always a great place. Have you signed up with a temp agency?

I am virtually unemployable, plus I hate my skill sets. I hate working in an office. So I sat down and made a list of things I wanted and liked doing. Then I started seeking things that would fit around that. When I didn't find the job I wanted I created it. Your dream job may be right under your nose. :)

Melody said...

Me too. I've been home for twenty years as well. I haven't tried to find work, but can I offer some suggestions where our experience would be perfect?

- Preschool Teacher
- Daycare Worker (at home or in a commercial daycare)
- Substitute Teacher
- Cook/Chef/Baker

Not to mention that one could get a CNA (certified nursing assistant) in a few weeks - CNAs work in hospitals and nursing homes.

These jobs might not be as high paying as we'd like, but it is a step in the right direction and will give experience.

AND we are NOT too old to go back to college! I intend to look to see if I qualify for any grants or scholarships once I get all of my kids into school (I have homeschooled for 12 years. My third youngest will be in 8th grade this year and that is where the homeschool road ends for my children. That leaves me with my 10 year old son and my mentally and physically handicapped nearly-nine year old. So this year is a fork in the road for me to know what to do with my two youngest.)

Go back! Get a degree! Have fun with life! IT IS NOT TOO LATE!! :)

Good luck to all moms trying to get back in the workforce.

paul mitchell said...

CB, there is NOTHING more important than for a mother to raise her kids. If that makes it more difficult to return to the rolls of the employed, it was worth every single minute. Since you turned out three spawn that shall further populate the planet with even more spawn that recognize the value of family, your impact has been minimally three times more important than the world just having one more wage slave.

I salute you, your job/responsibility of mothering kids was the MOST important by far and anyone that disagrees is wrong and most definitely a sexist and probably a racist, too. They should shut up.

Flea said...

I'm working little bits and pieces part time and liking it. Starting out part time has been good. But I wouldn't trade the years home with my kids. It makes me sad to think of kids being raised by someone other than their mom.

Karen Deborah said...

Man this one is a phone call or something. PRAY. Send me your resume I want to critique it. There is not gaurantee that college brings employment. I am out of a job. The economy is in the tank and people are loosing jobs every day! This is a hard time for everyone. You my dear are great. The Lord has something for you just keep knocking asking seeking and praying and you will find it.
Staying home is NEVER a waste. I love Melody's comment. It is never too late. In fact there is a LOT of money out there right now for mom's wanting schooling. A LOT!

Memaw's memories said...

I don't regret staying home with my children. When the youngest was in high school, I started to college. Got my degree and by the time she graduated, I had a job and was working in my degree field.

I was 40 something at the time, and am now self supporting.

Oklahoma Granny said...

I think your kids have been blessed to have you home with them and you should have no regrets. Blessings to you and yours this Easter weekend.

Chris H said...

I was always going to stay at home with my children... and that is what I have done for 31 years now! OK, I've had jobs at times during those years, but only ever at a school.. or in the evening or weekends.
There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM.... it is A JOB too!

Bluebird49 said...

I'm the older lady (60) who stayed home with the children, didn't further her education and wouldn't know how to do anything. Since we always lived on 1 paycheck--I guess I've gotten used to being poor, and don't expect to have anymore than we have. But it's okay--we're not poor like I see many others poor.

It's a struggle, and it always has been, but my children always seemed to love for me to be here when they got home from school, and my husband worked swing shift 43 yeaqrs, and he was always glad I was here when he got home from work. I guess--it all depends on how you look at it. I think it's great when people can work and keep the home all together---I don't think I was up to that task!

BY the way--word verification was "FLAILIN!---that's what I've been doing all my life it seems!