Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New Year's Experiment has ENDED

And... I did not finish it.

The last six weeks or so have really been a struggle for me. The fact is I stepped out of my comfort zone a bit too far with the 2010 Challenge at our gym. I had made amazing progress on my own since we joined last summer. I thought that by participating in the Challenge I could get a lot closer to my goal and maybe even win some cash. When I saw my before pictures it really threw me for a loop. Even when I was at my best I did not wear the type of thing I had to wear for the before and after photos. Gosh... I don't even change in front of the other women in the locker room! I have always been that way. One of the hardest things for me when I broke my back in 1993 was having my Mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-law help me shower and dress. The thought of my picture being on the wall at the gym... where other people we know also go... I just couldn't deal with it. I tried to push through it but I just couldn't. That is not me.

The last two weeks I felt like a failure over it. Today, I don't feel that way. The truth is I learned a lot through the challenge and I'm grateful for it. I have somewhat of an all or nothing personality. I think, at 43, I am finally learning to step away from that. It is that zeroed in sort of focus that gets me in trouble, as well as the throwing up of the hands sort of complacency.

We joined the gym last July and since that time I have lost 68 lbs. I was taking 7 different daily prescription medications and am now only taking one. I was diagnosed as being pre-diabetic and have learned that I can keep my blood sugar in normal range through what I eat and exercising.

During the 12 week challenge I lost 22 lbs and then gained 8 of them back. During the time I gained the 8 lbs back I learned that simply avoiding eating sugar is not enough to control my blood sugar... the exercise is vital and may be even more important than what I am actually eating.

I think the best part of this challenge is that it has brought me to a place of acceptance. I no longer have a goal in terms of specific numbers... meaning weight, inches, sizes, etc. My goal is to live life to the fullest right where I am. I feel like so much of my life has been spent waiting... waiting to fully engage until I really deserve it. Does that make sense?

I don't want to be judged according to my appearance. I'd much rather be judged by my actions, my character, and my heart. I am trying to let go of the things over which I have no control and tackle those things over which I do. Life is messy and each day is filled with defeat and victory on many levels. I am getting to where I am okay with that.


Oklahoma Granny said...

Very inspirational post.

Karen Deborah said...

WHOOOHOOOOOO! Way to go darlin! Fabulous absolutely wonderful. Can you hear me cheering? Can you see my doing the boogie woogie? That's how much I need to lose! I love this. Every word of it and you know the 40's are a great time in life. You really do start to figure out what's important and get free from junk. You also get a lot more credibility with people. I loved that time of my life. I'm going to be 55 this year----GAH! Officially a SENIOR CITIZEN.

Deborah said...

I'm jealous...I'm turning 52 next month and I still don't have life figured out!
Great post!

joanne said...

great post CB. You have obviously learned a lot about yourself these last few months and that is a great lesson to learn!! It seems to take us a long time to accept who we are in and out...don't forget to take some time to have some fun. Balance...it will all come together..;p I'm proud of you.

Flea said...

WOW. I am impressed on SO many levels. Oh, and you're OLD. Older than me, anyway. :)


Chris H said...

I can't believe how much your life and attitude is mirroring mine at the moment.
Learning to just live life to it's fullest and accept what you can't change.

The Maid said...

Congrats on the weight loss....woohoo.

Post some before and after photos. ;)

It would be encouragement to us all!

Just Me said...

In sime things I have that all-or-nothing personality too.

I'm so happy that you've found the place to be happy with yourself and your health. Way to go!

Rick said...

Just dropped in to check things out. Good post - great work. Put those photo up on the wall!!

Anonymous said...

"I think the best part of this challenge is that it has brought me to a place of acceptance. I no longer have a goal in terms of specific numbers... meaning weight, inches, sizes, etc. My goal is to live life to the fullest right where I am" amen sistah!! You know from reading my "moving forward" post, that's where I am. (((Hugs)))

Gladys said...

You GO GIRL! I am so proud of you! It's amazing what just loosing 5 un-needed un-wanted pounds can do but 68? WOW!

I lost 35 pounds last spring and have kept it off. This week will be one year this week. I have not put one pound back on but I did drop below my desired weight for a couple of months.

I have learned that by just walking and doing my Yoga daily will keep the extra pounds away as well as keep my stress levels lower. Stress causes me to gain weight, that and eating a whole chocolate cake by myself. :)