Okay. I do love a good embarrassing poop story. I'm sorry. Poop makes me laugh. I don't know why. Mr. Macchiato thinks it is genetic and was passed down to me through my Grandpa, who himself enjoyed talking about poop.
But... that doesn't mean I want to hear about it all the time. In fact, I don't. Double Shot feels the need to tell me all about it. Every day. I get texts from him at school. What kind of Mother/Son relationship is that? He's trying to gain weight but he says that all the extra food he's been eating just makes him poop more.
Tonight I was driving him home from wrestling practice and he started in...
Double Shot: Don't you hate it when you think you have to take a dump and it is just a bunch of air?
Me: Long sigh... Do you have to tell me about your poop every day?
Double Shot: Yeah.
Me: I am your mother and you are disgusting.
Double Shot: You love poop stories.
Me: No, I don't.
Double Shot: Yeah, you do. You always start laughing.
Double Shot: Did I ever tell you about the time I was being lazy and just chewed up sunflower seeds and ate them?
Double Shot: That was the scratchiest and hardest poop ever. It hurt so bad. I think my butt hole bled. I have never ever swallowed sunflower seeds again.
Me: Laughing... laughing... laughing... sides hurting... need air...
I hate myself.