Saturday, January 16, 2010

Would You Believe...

I took the capri pants back and bought swim shorts for the before picture? I did... and I can't believe it. I also drank a gallon of water before which brought my weight up some. It's just that I want to win and a good deal of the judging is based on the before and after pictures... if I covered up some of the horror... the improvement would be covered up as well. We have to wear the same thing in both photos. I don't even know how bad the pictures are because they don't show them to us until it is all over.

I need to lose weight. I need to get healthy. I need to be strong.

I think I've shared on here before that I wanted to be a paramedic. After High School I went to a Vo Tech in Pennsylvania and received my Emergency Medical Technician certification. We moved to Seattle right after that... well, there was a detour in San Diego that lasted over six months before that. I never did work as an EMT. I interviewed in Seattle but I was only 19 years old at the time and they would only hire those over 21 years old due to insurance reasons. I couldn't volunteer because you needed your own car and I didn't have one yet. The way it worked back then in that state was that you had to have three years street experience before you were sponsored through a Paramedic program at one of the colleges... there were only 3 in the state that had one.

I met Mr. Macchiato at that time in early 1986. I decided to go to the community college with pre-med as my stated major while I waited to pursue paramedics. The problem was getting into the pre-requisite classes was near impossible. So, I took classes like English, Philosophy, Economics... etc. And... I dropped out after the winter quarters both the first and second year. Long story. I only have 4 quarters of college credit... that I am sure are no longer any good.

Mr. Macchiato and I got engaged on Christmas Eve 1987. I found out I was pregnant in July of 1988. We didn't get married until November of 1988. I was six months pregnant. Things got sticky right after I found out I was pregnant... my parents split for the final time after nearly 25 years of marriage... and Mr. Macchiato could not find a job after just graduating from college. Someone that worked with his mom approached her to tell her that her and her husband would like to sponsor us through a pre-marriage class at their church. She knew that we had originally met at a church and had stopped going several months after we started dating a couple years before. I did not want to go. The thought of walking into a pre-marriage class at a church while visibly pregnant was more than I could bear. Mr. Macchiato talked me into it. The night of the first class he was late and I had to walk in alone. The gal that sponsored us was wonderful and sat with me. He was late because he was offered a job that day and was taking care of some things with his new employer. We've attended church regularly all these years since.

After completing the class and some additional counseling together apart from the class we finally got married. My mother-in-law picked me up to take me to lunch one day and drove from Bellevue to Seattle. It was just supposed to be the two of us but she decided she wanted Mr. Macchaito to go too. When we got to the parking lot of his office building she wanted me to go in with her to get him. We argued a bit because I was six months pregnant and he hadn't told anyone at work. In the end I went in with her keeping my coat and arms around my front.

They had a surprise wedding shower for us in their lunch room. They had contacted his mom to set it up and she had thought the shower was a baby shower... so they did know before I got there that day. These two days are the most embarrassing days of my life!!! In fact, while we were opening presents we got one in a Victoria's Secret box from my mother-in-law. I turned bright red and didn't want to open it. Thank the Good Lord it was a picture frame!!!

I shared this because I thought about this time in our lives this week. Mr. Macchiato was not happy with the outfit I bought for the before pictures and felt it covered up too much. Sometimes facing what you are ashamed of brings forth good fruit. I never wanted to be one of those girls that "had" to get married. I wanted the fairy tale wedding... and then the baby. But, choices always have consequences and it was our choices that changed that. One thing is for sure... I wanted my baby.

I've also been thinking a lot about how I had wanted to be a paramedic. I've actually never lost that desire. I don't know... I broke my back in 1993 in a jet ski accident and have been a stay at home mom for over twenty years. I can't talk. You have to be able to talk to do that job. It is also a job that typically has 24 hour shifts. But...

I look at what is going on in Haiti... stuff that has gone on like that in our own country... I am nearly 6 feet tall. I could help if I were physically fit. I could be hands and feet on the ground. I am broken in certain ways... but I am not in others.

This 12 week challenge is so much more than just losing weight for me. It is walking away from chains that have had me bound. It is about looking forward to what I can do rather than looking back at what I used to do. It is about finally accepting my true limitations and identifying those that are only in my mind. It is about moving from one season of my life into the next one. Most of these changes have come about slowly. This is not unlike the transition part of labor... I've been going through so many of these feelings for a long time... like contractions. It has all come together and I'm gearing up for those final pushes.

My goodness... I am a weirdo.


jojo said...

not weird, just honest and that is the thing about you that I love!

paul mitchell said...

For some strange reason, those photos of you are not showing up on this post. Maybe you should reattach them.

Chicken. I double-dawg dare you.

Junebug said...

No, no, no, you are not a weirdo. You are a wonderful person. Thanks for sharing all that.

My word verfication is "retina." How funny.

Melody said...

Good luck in discovering who you really are and believing in yourself to live your dreams. <3

Trisha said...

You are not a weirdo. In fact, I think you are absolutely normal! Good luck with everything!

Rustys Mom said...

We get messages in all sorts of ways. Mine came by getting bitten by a rabid cat and 9/11. G-d sends us lots of messages, sometimes we are so wrapped up in our problems that he has to throw a brick to get our attention. E