Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Why?

I'm heavy hearted and in a "why?" mood.

Haiti... My goodness. Why is it that the worst disasters strike areas already hurting?

I've been reading about Africa again. This time Swaziland. So many orphans...

Here I am on a quest to lose weight... My overindulgence disgusts me.

All the self pity I've indulged in because I can't eat whatever I want without getting fat.

All the self pity I've indulged in because our deck is rotting and our fence is falling apart.

All the self pity I've indulged in because I have Spasmodic Dysphonia.

All the self pity I've indulged in because of so many of the "problems" in my life.

The fact is I am so incredibly blessed. So incredibly blessed without deserving it. I had no control over where I was born or what family I was born into. I had no control over what I would look like or my mental capabilities. So many are born into horrifying situations. So many are born with physical deformities and/or decreased brain function and/or disease.

Why?

It says in the Bible that we are blessed so that we may bless. We've felt good about ourselves for sponsoring one child in Africa for $38 a month through World Vision. We spend more than that on one dinner out. We've felt good about filling up shoe boxes with cheap Christmas gifts and toiletries to send to kids in other countries once a year for Samaritans Purse at a cost far less than we even spent on one of our children for Christmas. We felt good about filling up a couple buckets for Buckets of Love to be sent to another country... again with each bucket costing about what it does to take our family out to eat one nice meal. We've donated clothes and our cast offs countless times... but it is stuff we no longer had a need and/or want for. When a disaster happens we often send a check to a relief organization... and we go about living our unchanged lives.

Why?

My heart is breaking... the numbers of dead in Haiti are staggering.

I am more motivated than ever to keep losing weight... to becoming physically strong and healthy. I never want to go back to the gluttony that has been my life for far too long. I am blessed and I am praying for God to show me how I can use what I have to bless others. And I am praying... I am praying for all those people...

6 comments:

paul mitchell said...

Yeppers, I always NEVER feel sorry for myself and enjoy life to the hilt. I have always been told that Heaven is greater than my mind could ever imagine and life here on Earth is already more than I could ever hope for. Dang, Heaven is gonna be off-da-chain!

Yeah, the Haiti disaster is horrible. But wonder why we are not hearing anything about any death and destruction from the Dominican Republic, though? It is the very same island, you know?

Has Barry sent a carrier group yet?

Oklahoma Granny said...

Thank you for your inspirational post. I certainly needed it today. Blessings to you.

jojo said...

great post CB, very thoughtful and thought provoking.

Andy and Wendy Ingram said...

LOVE where you are at right now CB. This post is so heartfelt and I appreciate your heart so much. I too, struggle so much with overindulgence and being consumed with my own selfishness and gluttony. God is doing such a mighty work in your heart right now. I think that He uses our broken spirits to propel us forward into His will. I can't help but wonder if/when God wants to physically send you out to one of these places that you are so burdened for, to bring His light and glory. I am so saddened about the suffering and pain in Haiti, Swaziland, India, etc. All I know sometimes is to cry out to Him on behalf of his suffering children that he loves so much and so deeply. His word tells us that He knows and feels their pain and suffering and He has not turned his eyes from them. Thanks for sharing how God is at work transforming you!

Trisha said...

Why is the big question on my mind today as well. Linda will have to have chemo for the rest of her life. Why?

Paula said...

I am so with you on this one. I was so humbled last night thinking how selfish I am to moan and complain when so many are truly suffering. ((hugs))