I'm like half an alcoholic. You know, one of those people that has periods of time where alcohol is not something they struggle with but then they have times when they do. Only with me it is food. I do have the ability to be self controlled. And sometimes I don't. I just went through several years where I didn't much care about it anymore and just ate what I wanted. I seem to have a ceiling weight wise and I pegged myself up on it but good.
Like my grammar?
I kind of have an all or nothing perfectionist streak. If I can't have something exactly the way I want then I don't bother. Only, I do have a limit to the nothing part and have to struggle back to where I can stand it. I vacillate between being picky and being lazy. Maybe one day I will hit a true balance. Oh, this is sweet... someone described me as balanced several weeks ago. I laugh every time I think of it. Ummmmm... I wish!
So... I blew it this weekend. What is so dumb is that I didn't even really blow it on anything amazing... like cheesecake or a big juicy burger. I dipped pretzels in a tub of store bought icing. Which I threw away after reading the ingredients which included "animal lard". Too bad I'd already eaten 5 or 6 of them. Then I ate some old granola that Double Shot has been toting back and forth to school and wrestling and probably stuck his grubby sweaty hands into dozens of times. That was actually still pretty good. And I ate some cookies I made for dessert when we had friends over for dinner Saturday night. And I ate a couple nachos at a wrestling tournament Friday night with big fat jalapenos on them. Is that even real cheese? Then we went to Ihop at midnight and I ate a big breakfast. And half a box of Milk Duds at the movies Sunday night... and some Dots I made Double Shot give me... Ugh.
My blood sugar has been excellent... until yesterday morning. Yikes! I really do need to stay away from sugar. I got it together yesterday and this morning it was back to excellent.
I can't believe I still lost two pounds this week. I did take a body combat class on Saturday that was intense. It is a combination of karate, tae kwan doe, tai chi, and whatever else. It is set to loud high tempo music and there's a lot of kicking, punching and jumping around. I loved it and am taking another one later today. I was still sore from it yesterday. It is not nearly as complicated as the step class and I was able to pick it up enough to get a real work out the first time. My face looked like a big tomato afterwards! The instructor is from the Ukraine and has tattoos. She would have people shout stuff out... and there's grunting and stuff... but then she would say, "Except you Kelly!" I felt bad when I ran into the step instructor this morning because she wanted me to go back... and I might, just not to today's class.
Oy. I'm struggling with the food part. I wish I knew what the key was to the times when I don't. It really bothers me that so many in this world are starving and I've got a kitchen full of food that I'm struggling not to eat.