Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Food FoOd fOOOOOd

Ugh.

I'm like half an alcoholic. You know, one of those people that has periods of time where alcohol is not something they struggle with but then they have times when they do. Only with me it is food. I do have the ability to be self controlled. And sometimes I don't. I just went through several years where I didn't much care about it anymore and just ate what I wanted. I seem to have a ceiling weight wise and I pegged myself up on it but good.

Like my grammar?

I kind of have an all or nothing perfectionist streak. If I can't have something exactly the way I want then I don't bother. Only, I do have a limit to the nothing part and have to struggle back to where I can stand it. I vacillate between being picky and being lazy. Maybe one day I will hit a true balance. Oh, this is sweet... someone described me as balanced several weeks ago. I laugh every time I think of it. Ummmmm... I wish!

So... I blew it this weekend. What is so dumb is that I didn't even really blow it on anything amazing... like cheesecake or a big juicy burger. I dipped pretzels in a tub of store bought icing. Which I threw away after reading the ingredients which included "animal lard". Too bad I'd already eaten 5 or 6 of them. Then I ate some old granola that Double Shot has been toting back and forth to school and wrestling and probably stuck his grubby sweaty hands into dozens of times. That was actually still pretty good. And I ate some cookies I made for dessert when we had friends over for dinner Saturday night. And I ate a couple nachos at a wrestling tournament Friday night with big fat jalapenos on them. Is that even real cheese? Then we went to Ihop at midnight and I ate a big breakfast. And half a box of Milk Duds at the movies Sunday night... and some Dots I made Double Shot give me... Ugh.

My blood sugar has been excellent... until yesterday morning. Yikes! I really do need to stay away from sugar. I got it together yesterday and this morning it was back to excellent.

I can't believe I still lost two pounds this week. I did take a body combat class on Saturday that was intense. It is a combination of karate, tae kwan doe, tai chi, and whatever else. It is set to loud high tempo music and there's a lot of kicking, punching and jumping around. I loved it and am taking another one later today. I was still sore from it yesterday. It is not nearly as complicated as the step class and I was able to pick it up enough to get a real work out the first time. My face looked like a big tomato afterwards! The instructor is from the Ukraine and has tattoos. She would have people shout stuff out... and there's grunting and stuff... but then she would say, "Except you Kelly!" I felt bad when I ran into the step instructor this morning because she wanted me to go back... and I might, just not to today's class.

Oy. I'm struggling with the food part. I wish I knew what the key was to the times when I don't. It really bothers me that so many in this world are starving and I've got a kitchen full of food that I'm struggling not to eat.

7 comments:

claudia said...

I don't limit mine to food in the kitchen I am struggling not to eat...I just went to the store for fabric softener and since I had three bucks in my pocket, just had to stop at the donut shop. Couldn't help myself. Those donuts were calling out to me...
Sometimes I hate my brain!

Andy and Wendy Ingram said...

I really LOVE food, really, it is almost like a love affair. Pretty sick, isn't it? Well, I have gained over 20 lbs. in the last year and I realized after Christmas that I can't keep going this direction. You and my husband have been an inspiration with getting back to the exercise and healthy eating. So I started weight watchers, along with my husband (he has lost almost 20 lbs now) and am down 4 lbs. total and started last week. I am really fighting it though. It is such an inner struggle for me, but it is a start. I don't care about being skinny anymore, but we both just want to be healthier and live longer. CB, just get back on it now. I think it helps to give ourselves grace and free days or weekends when we enjoy food. You are doing great overall, so keep it up.

noexcuses said...

I'm right there with you! I gave up refined sugar, and allow myself any fruits that I want, as substitutes for that sugar. Just get right back on the horse. Don't beat yourself up... we all do it!

I'll be your cheerleader! Go..Fight...Win Win Win! Maybe I'll make up another lame cheer for you!

Hang in there CB!

Just Me said...

I think we all do that to some degree. Me, I'm a moody eater. when my stressors go up, so does my craving for crap. Most of the time I can keep it to a civilized level, but it went completely out of control after the new year.

Last week I'd had enough when I discovered that my underwear had once again started rolling down on itself, something that hasn't happened since Her Nibs was four months old. It was enough to send me back to reality.

I'm not, by any means, what I'd call diet conscious. I do try to eat sensibly, and when I crave something I try to substitute something healthy or wait it out to see if it goes away. If I'm still obsessing over it, I cave in and indulge. I don't glut myself on it, I try to have just enough to kill the craving.

Kudos on the exercise! It's wonderful when you find an activity you enjoy.

Kathy said...

We're all in your corner, cheering you on!

Paula said...

Way to go on the weight loss!!! From one foodaholic to another...((hugs))

Angela said...

I was struggling with food last week...than the period came..RELIEF from gorging. I kept reminding myself those few days that the pull towards food was strong..go with the flow,,stop going up stream, your just not going to make it right now..rest and go with the flow. It won't last forever...The pull towards food is gone now. I no longer hear it calling my name, the fruit loops and truffles were calling me quite often last week.Fruit loops in a bowl with no milk. LOTS of truffles, than wake up in the middle of the night on a sugar high since I ate them in bed just before going to sleep. DAAAAAAAAA...