I just want to have myself a throw down and squall like a two year old in the toy aisle at Wal-Mart.
Jinny's Memorial Service was lovely. I sat with my friend that lost her husband on Labor Day. That first Wednesday that Jinny came to my house she told me that she and her husband used to go to the church that my other friend went to. I asked her if she knew them... My other friend had been her prayer partner and she did not know about her husband dying two days before. She went to his memorial and that was the last time my other friend saw her. We sat together in my car after the service and talked for a long time.
Only the family went out to the burial site. We could see them in the distance. It was a frigid day here in Colorado. The cemetery was buried in snow, it was windy and there was a sub zero windchill. My heart broke for Jinny's family... it is hard enough to bury someone you love on a sunny day in a beautiful place full of flowers.
My friend and her children are trying to get through this first holiday season without her husband and their father. Her son doesn't talk about things much... yesterday she saw him sitting on his floor next to his bed crying.
I had a follow up appointment with the poop doctor (gastrointerologist) from when I was in the hospital in October. I thought I would have time to go home, change and look up directions to his office. It was more important to spend that time with my friend. After I left her I tried to text Mr. Macchiato so he could tell me where to go. He didn't answer. I tried to call. Still no answer.
I can't call information. They cannot understand me. I drove around looking for a phone booth with a phonebook. Do they even exist anymore? I thought they still had them in front of 7-11's and gas stations. Not the ones I tried. I rely on Mr. Macchiato so much. He makes all of my appointments... I ended up going into a medical office building on the road I thought the doctor's office was located on hoping that I hit the right building. His group was not listed on the directory. I sat down and wrote a note explaining that I needed help getting the address of this doctor and approached a complete stranger. She was very gracious and was able to get the doctor's number and call the office to get the address. The building was only a parking lot away.
Moments like that scare me. It brings front and center the full reality of the extent of which my husband takes care of me. Both Jinny and my friend's husband were only 56 and both died unexpectedly. If something happened to Mr. Macchiato...
I left my house just after 10 am this morning. I had a yogurt, half a grapefruit and a cup of coffee for breakfast. My appointment was for 1:45 pm and I got there at 1:30 pm. My stomach was growling. The lady at the desk said that I was early. I thought to myself, not that early, and went and sat down. Thankfully, I found a half eaten Cliff bar in the bottom of my purse. I could not get warm.
Double Shot had a snow day today. That was a blessing because I was afraid he was going to have a delay and that would have really put me in a time crunch. While I was waiting I got a text from him saying that wrestling practice was on. He is still fighting for that varsity position and was supposed to have a wrestle off this afternoon for a meet tomorrow. It was already 2 pm, I had not been called back and he was supposed to be at the school that is 30 minutes from our house on a non-icy day at 3 pm. Mr. Macchiato ended up having to leave work to get him there.
I am one of those people that many describe as sweet. Make no mistake, I have an inner witchy woman that my family is very aware of. However, I put up with a lot from other people. In fact, I've often been accused of being a door mat. Sometimes though, and it has been happening more often as I get older, I get mad enough to step beyond that being nice no matter what into the I'm not going to take this place. At 2:15 pm, 30 minutes after my scheduled appointment, I went up to the desk.
Me: Is there some reason I have not been called back yet?
Her: You were early (said with a tone).
Me: Yes, but my appointment was for 1:45 pm.
Her: No, your appointment was for 2:45 pm.
What the $##@?!?!?!!!
I was tired. I was hungry. I was wearing a skirt that was too tight with high heeled leather boots in which my feet were frozen. The sun was beating through the office windows giving me a headache. And I was MAD.
So I just sat there. I sat there and looked through a Rachel Rae magazine. A magazine full of pictures of food.
I had not gone potty since I left the house that morning. The bathroom was almost as cold as it was outside. My fully lined black skirt that fits fine when I'm standing makes me feel like a sausage when I am sitting. I wore thick tights that are too big and had to pull them all the way up to just under my bra. I could have pulled them up over my head if I wanted to. Normally, I have the problem of not being able to find panty hose or tights that are long enough. I found these some years ago that are obviously made for giants. I ran into a bit of a snag in that I had another undergarment that came down over that and was tucked into my skirt. I was shivering, trying to pull that undershirt up so I could get the tights down and something got held up but I couldn't get my skirt unhooked and I was in a panic because I was afraid they were going to call me back while I was in there. I gave up and hoped I could hold it until I got home where I had scissors.
So back out to the waiting room I went, where I waited... and waited. At 2:59 pm I decided I was going to go up to the desk and demand a refund of my $50 co-pay at 3:00 pm. As I stood the door opened and the nurse called my name.
We went through the whole weigh in/blood pressure routine and then I was left to wait in a cold room. I turned off my cell phone because I am polite like that. However, after waiting and waiting and there not being a clock on the wall nor a watch on my wrist, I turned it back on. It was 3:17 pm. I had been there nearly two hours... cold and hungry and needing to pee. Witchy woman was going to come out. I could feel it.
Mr. Macchiato called. He was surprised I still had not been seen. Then the doctor walked in. I tried to tell him but as our conversations go I have to repeat myself too many times so I just hung up thinking he would figure it out. No, he called right back. Of course, I had thrown my cell phone into the cavernous bag I call a purse and couldn't find it quickly. The doctor thought it was his phone because we share the same ring tone. I turned my phone off.
My appointment lasted 10 minutes. That's $5 a minute for our portion and God knows what for the insurance. I need to just keep doing what I've been doing and I had to promise him a date for another colonoscopy in ten years. Then we discussed my whispery voice and how tall I am.
Utter waste of time.
The wind started blowing and my ears were flash frozen on the way to my car. I headed home on snow packed and icy roads. I cannot remember the last time I was as cold as I was today. Deep Bone Cold. I got home and put on as many clothes as I could and still be able to walk. I am wearing three shirts and a sweater as well as two pairs of tights, jeans and two pairs of socks. I put on my fur-lined snow boots, my big poufy down jacket (that happens to be lavender and everyone makes fun of me when I wear it) scarf, mittens and head band before heading back out to pick up Double Shot from wrestling. While I was dressing Taffy took a big dump under the Christmas tree.
Double Shot is coughing. My nose is running and I've been sneezing. We stopped at Target to get some Emergen-C. I've already been sick enough the last couple months. I'm not allowing it. I'm not. The gal at the check out asked me if I was warm while she laughed at my coat.
My house is a mess. I have bible study here in the morning. I could have easily cancelled because of the weather. They've already called a two-hour delay for school in the morning because there is a wind chill warning until 8 am. The windchill could reach -29 degrees tonight. But... I didn't want to. So, instead of cleaning... I am blogging. OY!!!
Even though I got so irritated today... I feel so very fortunate. Sometimes when I am grumpy I feel guilty and then I get even grumpier. Sometimes it is better to just go with it and get it over with. Now that my belly is full and I've started to warm up my thoughts have returned to those people in my life that have difficulties above and beyond mine. I pray God's grace truly is sufficient for all of us.