Monday, July 13, 2009

Water Aerobics Anyone?

I'm a fatty. It's not from lack of knowledge, that's for sure. I've been known to eat cookies while I read books on dieting or have a piece of pie while I watch a workout show. The truth is I am more comfortable fat... psychologically. Someday I hope to break those chains for good.

The motivating factor for me getting my badonkadonk moving is that Mr. Macchiato has been hiking and I can't go on the hikes he does. I can walk forever on a flat surface but we are in the foothills of the Rockies. There just isn't much flat to be had around here. It is near impossible to find hikes that don't have significant elevation changes and those elevation changes make me feel like I'm going to have an aneurysm right there on the trail.

I was in a jet ski accident in 1993 in which I fractured my L3 vertebrae. Part of the bone actually broke off to the outside of the spinal column and then later reattached on the side. I hope and pray that does not come back to haunt me when I am older. It was about a year and a half after the accident that I was introduced to water aerobics. I loved it! It was a way for me to exercise without much risk of injuring myself.

Throughout my married years I have been a yo yo weight wise. Nearly every Monday I say I'm starting another diet. I really don't get why I love Mondays so much when they end up in failure most of the time. I guess I have a more optimistic bent seeing as I am very much a morning person as well.

Soooo... this morning I dug out my swimsuit. I really avoid looking at myself in the mirror but I took a good long look this morning. The swimsuit that fits is a tanktini, you know, separate bottom and top but the top covers your whole belly. It also has a little flippy skirt thingy. The ensemble definitely looked better with that on! I had not remembered the top being so low cut, although when I noticed that I remembered that Mr. Macchiato was pretty fond of it. I tied the little key hole thing in front tighter as well as the halter straps. That gave me cleavage up to my neck and I felt like I might be decapitated so I had to loosen it up. I took it off the little skirt and threw it into my gym bag and then put my sweats and t-shirt on over my swimsuit.

When I got to the gym the class was about to start and I didn't have much time. I threw my stuff into a locker and put on the skirt, grabbed my towel and made my way out to the pool. Thank the good Lord there were just ladies in the class. I won't tell you about the old men that would walk by the windows over looking the pool while we were in it. I quickly got in the water and realized I was going to have to take the skirt off because it floated up around my arm pits. The class started while I was still monkeying around with that and I didn't know I was supposed to get water weights out of a bin so I had to get back out to do that. I felt like a great white whale.

The class was hard. It was one of their boot camp classes. At one point we were supposed to heave ourselves up out of the water and do these push ups on the side of the pool with half our body in the water. I might could have done that if I was in the shallow end and could jump up but I could not do it in the deep end. I had to be the youngest person in that class by at least 15 years! I think a few of them may have even been 30 years older or more... and they were doing those push ups! Talk about humiliation!

And my top. Good Lord. Not only was I falling out the front, the belly part would not stay down and I may as well have been in a bikini. Uhhhh.... not something you want to see. I wouldn't have worried about it too much because we were in the water but I saw a couple ladies looking at my belly. I even tried to tuck the top into my bottoms but it wouldn't stay. I am definitely getting a new swimsuit.

Just so you know, I'm not fond of being in a room with naked women. It's just not my cup of tea. I mean... where do you look? Do you talk to people when they are naked? I don't want anyone talking to me when I'm naked! This is probably due to the fact that I did not have a sister growing up and my mother is very modest. I went to the shower area, where there are curtains, removed my swimsuit, rinsed off and then tried to get myself as dry as possible while still behind the curtain. As I made my way back to where my locker was I saw many naked ladies and started to panic. I had not noticed when I first picked my locker earlier that there was a little alcove in that particular section that afforded some privacy. Thank. You. Jesus.

I looked around at the people working out as I made my way through the gym to leave. Which brings me to my next installment of Weirdos at the Gym.

Well, it was a couple of them actually. Old ladies lifting weights. Old ladies with amazing bodies. Old ladies with amazing bodies that were waaaaay tooooo tan. The kind of tan you get by baking in a tanning bed. Seriously, they had these amazing bodies... and pretty nice hair... and dried out leathery faces. Carved apples dried in the sun faces. I tried not to stare. I really did.


Gladys said...

I feel ya sister! I am the same way. I don't go in the hot tub naked at the gym and I don't like people flapping their big tata's in my face we won't even go into the naked girly bits sitting on the benches. ewwwww

Junebug said...

You, my girl, are hilarious! I have never attended a water aerobics class before. I have always wanted to but I would have to drive about 1 hour to do so. Someday our little town might have something! I think that dried out leather faces and skin on bodies is very creepy. I would prefer my white face and legs any day. I know a girl who is one year younger than me who mows lawns for a living and she always tans in sun beds year round. One day we were working on decorating for the prom and she was on a ladder with a short skirt. I looked up and saw her leathery thighs which were sagging although she had a great body. Eeeewwww! It was not a pretty sight. But I recently looked in my mirror with my face upside down and it was saggy too. I thought, "no more being on top unless it is completely dark". It was a scary sight. Aging just isn't any fun. And I had my first official hot flash at the hair salon the other day. What was the worst, the guy who fixes my hair is my oldest daughter's age and he does her hair too. And he's very cute. But he was so sweet about it. I was pretty embarrassed. I had to ask for a bottle of water and I had to remove my cape to cool off. He was putting highlights in my hair with those foil papers and my hair was all around my face. Gaw. Awful. :D

claudia said...

My daughter teaches water aerobics to a class of older women. She keeps trying to get me to go. I need to go. Since the podiatrist told me I cannot walk for excersize. She said swim. Maybe next year when the indoor pool is finished being renovated, I will go. I'll have to think about it some first!

Just Me said...


Don't like being in a locker room full of naked ladies. Hate being naked myself in front of said ladies.

Had a tankini, and hated it for that upward drift you described. LOVE my Lands' End one-piece tank. Well worth the price. And their tankinis don't ride up, at least not that I've noticed. There are lots of them at the pool, and I don't see any flabby mommies like me yanking at their middles.

Flabby white skin? I am as pale as can be. I swear that the sun bounces off my skin and blinds people on the beach. The only ones whiter than me on the beach are The Oracle and my sister.

Okay, Gladys? Ew-icky-ew!! I'd never put my naked anything directly on a locker-room bench!!!

As for flapping big tatas, I'm cursed with the very thing you describe. While I never had boobs you could describe as "perky" after their debut at age 12, gravity has taken a heavy toll. I remember reading an article somewhere about booby sag, about how you might want to consider something uplifting if you could tuck a pencil under there and it didn't fall out. Shoot. The underside of my boobies could probably secure a can of Campbell's Tomato Soup without dropping it.

How the mighty have fallen!

Anonymous said...

People trying to talk to you naked is bad enough, but throw in the same people using the bathroom with the stall door open... some people have issues.

noexcuses said...

I don't do naked, even when I'm home alone! Haven't worn a swimsuit for several years... afraid I'll be arrested for indecent exposure!

What a fun day you had! Hang in there, some of those old ladies can teach us a thing or two... like persistence and "I still have it going, you youngster!"

hanagrace said...

Not fond of seeing other people naked either. You're not alone. I've been catching up on your blogs, haven't had much free time lately. I've been working a lot. We're trying to pay of the STINKING IRS. So yeah. I will not be seen naked. At all. I have trouble being naked in my own home...

My trick to stay thin is eat more often. I eat cookies all throughout the day, then your body has no trouble burning calories because it knows it's going to get more. :-) I know you're probably reading this and thinking, 'right, you're freaking anorexic, how could you even know...?' Okay, point taken. But seriously, I hear eating smaller meals more often speeds up the metabolism. And it sounds a lot better than giving up chocolate. (I can't do giving up stuff, it just doesn't work)

Anonymous said...

Locker room nudity doesn't bother me. We were required to take group showers in junior high and high school when I was a kid. After that, it's no big deal. Maybe it's easier to deal with seeing other female bodies in the nude when your a teen? I don't recall much modesty among the girls in my gym classes at the time.

Janet H