Friday, July 31, 2009

I am Obsessed...

with Facebook. Oh. My. Lord. Am. I. Ever. Obsessed.
I have reconnected with people I haven't seen in 25 years!
I decided to put together some albums of our life together... sigh...
Let me tell you... Mr. Macchiato?
That's him water skiing.
I've never put an album together of just pictures of him...
I think I looked at those pictures 5,434,899 times.
Oh. My. Lord.
Someone get me some smelling salts!

Is there anything sexier than a Daddy taking care of his children?
Did I just say that?
That is Frappacino when she was 2.
This photo makes my heart do a happy dance!

The Munchkins throwing rocks in the Ross Barnett Reservoir in Mississippi.
See those shorts Double Shot is wearing?
They had huge pockets!
I bought them because he LOVED stuffing matchbox cars into his pockets!
In fact, my Grandpa would have him empty his pockets when we went to visit and count the cars.
One time there were 34 of them.
He was wearing those shorts.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Need. To. Vent... Seriously VENT!!!

Here's a peek into what it is like living with Spasmodic Dysphonia.

Mr. Macchiato often has to play secretary and make calls for me, as do the kids on occasion. He is very busy at work and it can be frustrating and end up in many calls back and forth between me and whatever office he's making appointments for.

Well, Benny started smelling bad and was always chomping on his rear. We decided he needed to see the vet. Our vet is close to the house so I drove over there with a note telling them what was going on and made an appointment for later in the day. His glands back there are infected so he's on antibiotics and sadly sporting a cone.

When I got back in my car I decided to drive to my doctor's office which is farther away to make an appointment for myself rather than bother Mr. Macchiato with the task. I've got some weird problem where I retain a lot of water and have to take medication for it. I ended up at the Urgent Care a couple weeks ago because I ran out and I gained over ten pounds in a matter of hours. I wasn't able to get in with my doctor but they called in another perscription for me... with NO REFILLS. So... I decided to make an appointment so I can get that taken care of and avoid another trip to the Urgent Care or ER.

I handed the gal at the front desk a note stating basically the above. My doctor happens to be on vacation so I agreed to see one of the other doctors. She filled out a card for me with today's date and 3:45 pm. I left the office feeling good about taking care of something by myself.

I was ironing some pants for myself when the phone rang at 3:05 pm. It was my doctor's office wondering where I was.

Me: My appointment isn't until 3:45 pm.

Gal: I can't understand you. You need to speak up.

Me: My. appointment. is. not. until. 3:45 pm.

Gal: No, your appointment was for 3:00 pm.

Me: I came into the office yesterday to make the appointment and the card says 3:45 pm.

Gal: I did not understand a word you said.

Me: The. card. says. 3:45 pm.

Gal: When did you make the appointment?

Me: Yesterday.

Gal: Yesterday?

Me: Yes.

Gal: Who did you talk to?

Me: The person at the front desk.

Gal: Who was it?

Me: I don't know.

Gal: Hold on.

Gal: Did you call?

Me: No, I came in. No one understands me on the phone.

Gal: What? I didn't get that last part.

Me: Sigh... I. came. in.

So y'all know, if you miss an appointment without calling, they charge you.

Me: I'm not far, can I still come in?

Gal: No, you are too late. You need to reschedule. UGH. Hold on.

Gal: Hurry up and get in here, we'll squeeze you in.

Me: Well... does that mean it will take longer?

Gal: Whu? Longer? Yes. (totally said in an are you stupid? tone)

Me: My son needs to be somewhere at 5:30 pm. I'd better reschedule.

Gal: Sigh... you are going to have to wait until Monday then.

Me: Fine.

Believe me, I will be taking my little card in with me!!! And... AND I went and counted my pills... AND I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO GET ME TO MONDAY!!!!!

I could seriously cry.



My procrastination skills have increased dramatically over the last year or so. I would like to thank Blogger, Facebook and now Twitter.

Good Lord do I have stuff I need to attend to!

*A garage full of boxes from a storage unit we emptied nearly two weeks ago.

*A guest bedroom/project room that has become the dumping grounds of the house.

*A trailer in our driveway that has yet to be cleaned after our weekend camping trip.

*A laundry room full of dirty clothes.

*A refridgerator full of leftovers long gone bad.

*Bathrooms in need of Haz Mat.

*Floors in need of vacuuming and mopping.

And the list goes on... and on.... and on.


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

That Boy!!!

Double Shot... is driving me crazy.

Today is the last day of summer school. Yessssss! He did very well. I think even if he bombs the chemistry final this morning, and he won't, he will still get an A. Those grades will replace the grades he got second semester and it will help bring his gpa back up. We think he's learned his lesson about doing his homework.

Do you ever wonder what Jim Carey was like as a teen? I do. I wonder if he was like Double Shot. That kid never stops. He has schtick after schtick complete with physical humor. He wears me out. We tell him to stop... over, and over... and over. The problem is we end up laughing even when we are mad.

Ugh. He goes through phases where he says his favorite thing at that moment to the point where we are about to lose our minds. Last summer he saw Master of Disguise starring Dana Carvey. He is still quoting it. He started out with saying, "Turtle," all the time. He can mimic just about anything. After weeks and weeks of me telling him to stop I freaked out so he agreed to stop saying it... and switched to saying, "Hamster," the same way. I've often thought if I ever saw Dana Carvey walking across the street I might run him over for making that movie. Double Shot is still saying, "I just loooooove moisture!" on a regular basis. Aaaahhhhhhh!

Double Shot also loved the movie Forrest Gump. Nearly every day he says to Booper, "Bennn-Nay you're my best good dog!" He just pops out lines from that movie at the oddest times...

"And after five years I got a college daa-grey..."
"And then I started run-nang..."
"Lieutenant Dan!"

And on... and on... and on.

We won't even get into Napoleon Dynamite! I knew all the lines before I even saw the movie because of him!

Oy! There is so much more. It is never ending. You know, he can even throw himself around to where it looks like someone invisible is beating him up!

And... he isn't even quiet or still in his sleep! He is a sleep walker and eater. We've caught him when he's roaming and he looks like he's awake but he isn't. Most of the time we just find the evidence that he'd been up in the form of lights left on and food laying out. It is hilarious when we can understand what he's saying. It is usually sports related and he is making some sort of awesome play. In the trailer this past weekend I heard him hollering about not being able to find Benny. Back when he was ten, the night after he went Salmon fishing, I found him hollering on the floor while frantically working an invisible reel.

Now Double Shot is making me hate You Tube. He finds all kinds of stuff on there. The latest is some guy going around acting like he's mentally impaired saying, "I try!" to random people that don't know he's not and showing their reactions and how they try to politely get him to go away. He will not stop doing it and... I'll be honest here. Sometimes I want to punch him in the face.

I. am. being. tortured. by. my. seventeen. year. old. son.

Send help. Please.

Monday, July 27, 2009

What an Eventful Weekend!!!

The drive Friday night was a real butt pucker! The traffic out of town was horrible and I think it had to be the hottest day so far this summer. The temperature gauge on the Expedition read 97 degrees near Denver. People do not realize what it takes to slow our rig down and it gets stressful when people keep moving over just in front of us and then slow down.

Once we got on the road into the mountains the traffic did not let up. At one point we heard the screeching of tires behind us and braced ourselves for impact. Thank God they stopped just before hitting us.

Our directions lead us to a remote dirt road where there were large houses nestled in. Mr. Macchiato had to get out and walk to a house to ask some people where we were. Apparently, they get a lot of lost campers. We had to back down a very steep hill right next to a pond. We saw two Bucks but weren't quick enough with the camera.

We were late making reservations so our campsite wasn't great. It was a great site for tent campers. We had to pull the rig along side of a retaining wall that had steps leading up to the site. It took three passes. I don't like this part of camping so I took Benny up the hill and hung out until the guys got it figured out.

We went on a hike on Saturday. Everyone was good about going on a hike that wouldn't kill me. I can't take hikes with a lot of elevation change and we were already camping at just above 8,000 ft.

There are wildflowers everywhere right now! It is so beautiful! We hiked out to an old homestead on a pond.

The weather turned nasty in the afternoon and it rained for several hours. We hung out in the trailer playing Monopoly. Of course, Mr. Macchiato won. He always does.

We ate good Saturday night!

Sunday morning we went on a short hike with a big pay off. The view was spectacular!

The weather was scary bad when we got back to the Springs. We had to hang out in the Expedition and wait it out at our storage area before we could dump the tanks before taking the trailer back to the house to be cleaned.

I hope my plants bounce back... They are all broken.

There was damage throughout our neighborhood. There was a tree down at the park near our house. We saw on the news that there was a flash flood close to our house and two cars were stranded.

The tree was snapped right at the base!

Wicked weather and all... the day ended beautiful.
So, here we are, another Monday! And the clean up continues... oy.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

So Excited!!!

We are going camping!!! No sleeping on rocks for us! No worries about weather for us! No using outhouses for us! No smelly pits for us! Can't wait!

We are going where there are no hook ups. Dry camping is not a big deal when it is only for the weekend. We'll fill our tank with water and that'll get us through until Sunday. We've been having a lot of thunderstorms lately. It is kind of fun to watch all the tent campers out our windows scrambling to get into their cars while we sip hot chocolate and play games.

Sigh... the trailer is in the driveway and I will be packing it today. I'll go to the store in the morning and unload the groceries into the trailer. Got it all plugged in so the fridge/freezer can get good and cold before I do that. We had the blinds closed when we brought the trailer home last night so Benny didn't see it. When he saw the trailer this morning he got so excited! He started doing little flippy do's in the air and going round in circles while smiling big at me.

I'll be sure to eat a smore in all y'all's honor.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Beating. Head. Against. Wall.

Everyday during the week Frappy calls me. She likes to keep me updated on all things important... like trouble with the Internet in her apartment, what her assignments are, what grades she got on assignments, her need for ideas for papers, and when she misplaces things... like her bag of nail stuff. I love listening to her but... there always comes that point where she wants me to talk.

Talking on the phone is so utterly frustrating for me. Sometimes I can get through it and it isn't too bad. Most of the time, however, it is torture. I have answered the phone before only to have the person on the other line tell me I need to speak up... and have been hung up on many times. By. people. calling. me. So... I rarely answer the phone.

So, Frappy calls me. Got an A on something. Yay! Crabs about her Internet and how it is really inconvenient... then comes that point.

Frappy: So what are you doing?

Me: I need to take a shower.

Frappy: Why do you take showers so late?

Me: I've been cleaning.

Frappy: You just don't want to talk to me.

Me: Talking on the phone is hard.

Frappy: That's always your excuse.

Me: Sigh... (Ok. I am going to try to talk about something) Fly Boy's parents went up to see Fly Boy and (interrupted)

Frappy: Wait! What?!?!

Me: Fly Boy's parents went up to Hattiesburg (interrupted)

Frappy: Who? Who went up to Hattiesburg? To see Chai?

Me: This is exactly why I don't like talking on the phone.

Frappy: No, just tell me.

Me: Call your sister, she'll tell you about it.

Frappy: Ok.

My family can figure out what I am saying unless I have something new to say and then it is the same scenario. It sucks.

I haven't been doing the blog thing. I get behind on other blogs and then stress about getting caught up... And then, there is facebook. What a collosal time suck that is! It is soooo cool though. I can "talk" to people on there and have reconnected with so many people.

Off to shower. Gotta pick Double Shot up. Let me tell you, he is pure joy in the morning. He was not happy at all this morning. Much more so than usual if that is even possible. He didn't want to come downstairs until Mr. Macchiato opened the front door... cause, you know, those extra 60 seconds sitting on his bed complaining about summer school are very important.

Mr. Macchiato: Get down here now!

Double Shot: Ugh. I am. What's your problem?

Mr. Macchiato: I'm not waiting around for you.

Double Shot: Stomps out door making unintelligible sounds.

Mr. Macchiato: (then outside) What the %$#@ is your problem?

Double Shot: I'm sick of summer school! Do you have to swear?

Mr. Macchiato: (yelling... and I've told y'all that he can be heard states away) Yeah, well you shoulda thought about that last spring when you wouldn't do your homework!

Double Shot: Geez Dad! Do you have to make a scene in front of the whole neighborhood?

Mr. Macchiato: (head spinned around and popped right off) actually... I can't repeat what he said.

Good times.

Oh hey... will you look at that? I'm going to be late picking Double Shot up. Bummer.

This is AwEsOmE!!!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Fun with Frappy

I went with Frappacino to look at these apartments last spring. I didn't get to go with Mr. Macchiato and Double Shot when she moved out of the dorms because Lu Lu was sick. It was fun to go see what she and her roommate have done with the apartment. However, I only took pictures of her room! I forgot to take pictures of the rest of the apartment. LOL!

That vanity was mine growing up. Her bedroom in her apartment is actually quite a bit bigger than her bedroom here at home. She loves it! I love how she has little mementos everywhere and looking around her room is like looking around at her life.

That dresser was mine growing up too. Cuppa Joe took her to one of those Build-a-Bear places in the mall last Christmas and they made that bear, Herman, together. He has a beating heart. Awwwwww...

Frappy cracks me up. She is so into Twilight. I read all the books because she likes them so much. The last one I found to be so over the top ridiculous that I tease her about it all the time. What is it about vampire stories that girls love so much? Oy! In her kitchen she has little stick it notes with scripture on them all over the cupboards. Vampires and the bible... yeah, that goes together!

We were supposed to go on a hike but we got started late and I wanted to see water. One of the things that I do not like about Colorado is that we have to go so far to be near water. We drove to a reservoir and were going to find a hike around it but... there wasn't any tree cover and this fair haired freckled girl isn't too fond of hiking around in full sun. We took this path down to the water's edge. I had hoped to stick my feet in but it was all rocky.

There was a lot of flowers and it was quite pretty in a wild way.

Mr. Macchiato's family lived up the hill from a lake in Washington. They had a boat and he grew up water skiing. He likes to tell the story of when he and his mother taught me to ski. I could not get up! They had to go round and round... and round. He and his mom got into an argument in the boat because she said they needed to make me stop because I was going to drown. He told her I wouldn't get in the boat until I got up. He was right.
Hearing the boats out on the water made me want to be out there so bad! There's nothing like getting yourself positioned behind the boat and yelling, "HIT IT!!!" And... pulling yourself up out of the water and having the wind rushing against your face and through your hair... Y'all should know, Mr. Macchiato is an excellent water skier. I have pictures of him where his shoulder is almost touching the water as he went side to side across the wake.

We got some lunch and went to a city park near Frappy's apartment to eat it. I got some beautiful pictures of her!
We had a wonderful time. I took her to see, "The Proposal," Friday night. She LOVED it! LOL! We were supposed to see, "My Sister's Keeper," but the projector blew up. I had already seen The Proposal but it was the only thing starting at that time and she wanted to see it. It is a cute movie... little racy in parts, but cute.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

I'm in a big hurry! Off for some Mom/Daughter time at Frappy's college apartment! Should be fun, eh? I think she's excited about me coming because I will take note of everything she's lacking and take care of some of that. LOL! I'm looking forward to it.

Mr. Macchiato cracks me up. This morning he asked me to not bother grocery shopping because we all know they will eat out anyway. True. Too true.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

It is Almost Two in the MORNING!!!

I CANNOT sleep!!! I am NOT a night owl!!! I even took sleeping pills awhile ago!!!

I thought, "Okay... I'll just get up and clean."

But I am TOO TIRED to clean!!!

I am TOO TIRED to read!!!

I am TOO TIRED to blog!!!

AND we watched Knowing starring Nicholas Cage. Do not read any further if you want to watch the movie because I am about to spoil it.

That movie sucked. I was actually totally into it for quite awhile... most of the movie actually. That is until ALIENS came to take his and another kid off in their God Alien Ship to another planet where they dropped them off with bunnies. What the heck?!?!? Little 9 year olds. Here you go kiddies! Your new names are Adam and Eve and those there bunnies are gonna teach you how to populate your planet!

I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Waaaaaaaah.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Boy JOY!!!


You know, Double Shot drives me cRaZy. He does. That kid wears me out. But... oh my Lord does that kid make me laugh!

He had his physical today. He HATES going for physicals but he has to to be able to play sports. Several years back he nicknamed his pediatrician Cold Fish... because he said his hands felt like a cold fish when he did the whole turn your head and cough thing.

So... Double Shot is 5'11", 158 lbs, and is fully capable of hearing his father and I... as well as fully capable of seeing the messes he makes. We've got it in writing.

I was in the room with Double Shot as we went through the usual questions. Cold Fish then said that he'd like to talk to Double Shot about STD's and I was welcome to stay. Uhhhh, no. I left. The look on Double Shot's face was priceless! He pleaded with his eyes, "Mommy! Don't leave me!"

As I was chuckling to myself in the waiting room I got a text from him.

Nasty. Come shoot me please.

Oh, you know I laughed out loud and had everyone staring at me.

When he finally came out I was so tickled by his expression. As we were going down the stairs I asked him what Cold Fish said.

Ugh... Herpes, syph-o-lips, gone-ah-roid... a bunch of crap like that and how you have to go to the hospital and what they do to you!

I almost peed my pants! Syph-o-lips? Gone-ah-roid? Bwaaaaa Haaaaa Haaaa Haa!

When we were in the car I asked about the feel up.

Dropping my drawers in front of a dude is not something I like to do.

I'm so sorry. I could not help myself...

He didn't just feel around in your pants?

Y'all should have seen the look on his face! PRICELESS!!! I so love that boy!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Water Aerobics Anyone?

I'm a fatty. It's not from lack of knowledge, that's for sure. I've been known to eat cookies while I read books on dieting or have a piece of pie while I watch a workout show. The truth is I am more comfortable fat... psychologically. Someday I hope to break those chains for good.

The motivating factor for me getting my badonkadonk moving is that Mr. Macchiato has been hiking and I can't go on the hikes he does. I can walk forever on a flat surface but we are in the foothills of the Rockies. There just isn't much flat to be had around here. It is near impossible to find hikes that don't have significant elevation changes and those elevation changes make me feel like I'm going to have an aneurysm right there on the trail.

I was in a jet ski accident in 1993 in which I fractured my L3 vertebrae. Part of the bone actually broke off to the outside of the spinal column and then later reattached on the side. I hope and pray that does not come back to haunt me when I am older. It was about a year and a half after the accident that I was introduced to water aerobics. I loved it! It was a way for me to exercise without much risk of injuring myself.

Throughout my married years I have been a yo yo weight wise. Nearly every Monday I say I'm starting another diet. I really don't get why I love Mondays so much when they end up in failure most of the time. I guess I have a more optimistic bent seeing as I am very much a morning person as well.

Soooo... this morning I dug out my swimsuit. I really avoid looking at myself in the mirror but I took a good long look this morning. The swimsuit that fits is a tanktini, you know, separate bottom and top but the top covers your whole belly. It also has a little flippy skirt thingy. The ensemble definitely looked better with that on! I had not remembered the top being so low cut, although when I noticed that I remembered that Mr. Macchiato was pretty fond of it. I tied the little key hole thing in front tighter as well as the halter straps. That gave me cleavage up to my neck and I felt like I might be decapitated so I had to loosen it up. I took it off the little skirt and threw it into my gym bag and then put my sweats and t-shirt on over my swimsuit.

When I got to the gym the class was about to start and I didn't have much time. I threw my stuff into a locker and put on the skirt, grabbed my towel and made my way out to the pool. Thank the good Lord there were just ladies in the class. I won't tell you about the old men that would walk by the windows over looking the pool while we were in it. I quickly got in the water and realized I was going to have to take the skirt off because it floated up around my arm pits. The class started while I was still monkeying around with that and I didn't know I was supposed to get water weights out of a bin so I had to get back out to do that. I felt like a great white whale.

The class was hard. It was one of their boot camp classes. At one point we were supposed to heave ourselves up out of the water and do these push ups on the side of the pool with half our body in the water. I might could have done that if I was in the shallow end and could jump up but I could not do it in the deep end. I had to be the youngest person in that class by at least 15 years! I think a few of them may have even been 30 years older or more... and they were doing those push ups! Talk about humiliation!

And my top. Good Lord. Not only was I falling out the front, the belly part would not stay down and I may as well have been in a bikini. Uhhhh.... not something you want to see. I wouldn't have worried about it too much because we were in the water but I saw a couple ladies looking at my belly. I even tried to tuck the top into my bottoms but it wouldn't stay. I am definitely getting a new swimsuit.

Just so you know, I'm not fond of being in a room with naked women. It's just not my cup of tea. I mean... where do you look? Do you talk to people when they are naked? I don't want anyone talking to me when I'm naked! This is probably due to the fact that I did not have a sister growing up and my mother is very modest. I went to the shower area, where there are curtains, removed my swimsuit, rinsed off and then tried to get myself as dry as possible while still behind the curtain. As I made my way back to where my locker was I saw many naked ladies and started to panic. I had not noticed when I first picked my locker earlier that there was a little alcove in that particular section that afforded some privacy. Thank. You. Jesus.

I looked around at the people working out as I made my way through the gym to leave. Which brings me to my next installment of Weirdos at the Gym.

Well, it was a couple of them actually. Old ladies lifting weights. Old ladies with amazing bodies. Old ladies with amazing bodies that were waaaaay tooooo tan. The kind of tan you get by baking in a tanning bed. Seriously, they had these amazing bodies... and pretty nice hair... and dried out leathery faces. Carved apples dried in the sun faces. I tried not to stare. I really did.

Ahhhhhh... Monday Once Again.

I've got a busy day! You know... my life really has not been conducive to blogging lately. And it is summer! What is up with that? Well, and there's the ongoing computer difficulties. I've started to suspect that Mr. Macchiato has set up some dastardly system in an effort to keep me off the computer! He has problems with it too, but not to the extent that I do.

I've worked out the last three days. It's been interesting. I would like to start a new segment on this blog called, Weirdos at the Gym.

#1. There was a woman talking on her cell phone in the locker room. She was obviously making it sound like she was at her office and was on some sort of conference call. She was on the toilet.

#2. There is a movie room with a huge screen and a bunch of machines. It is nice because it is dark and the temperature is cooler than the rest of the gym. I won't mention the fact that they played the same Harry Potter movie over and over the last three days. Anyway, there was this woman that got on an elliptical machine and only made it 15 minutes. At first she was all gun ho and chugging along at a good pace... then she started going slower and slower. She got off that machine and went up front to one of the bicycles. She obviously couldn't figure anything out on it because it was too dark. Once she did get going on it she kept it on manual and on the easiest level. When she went to drink from her water bottle the cap went flying. She tried really hard to find the cap and even crawled around on the floor feeling under machines. She then left with her cap less water bottle and keys.

Okay, okay... so weirdo #2 was me. Today I will be attempting a water aerobics class. I have not put a bathing suit on in two years and am praying that the class is full of old people.

P.S. Have any of y'all experienced the blogger spell check highlighting words that are spelled correctly? What is up with that?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Oh My Goodness...

My children are, among other things, an endless source of amusement. Double Shot had a friend spend the night last night who went to church with us this morning. On the way out afterwards I dropped my bible on the ground.

Double Shot: Smooth move ex-lax.

Friend: What is ex-lax?

Double Shot: I don't know. It has something to do with gas.

Friday, July 10, 2009

hApPy bIrThDaY Double Shot!!!

In a big hurry this morning! I've got to take Double Shot to summer school. Bummer he has to go on his birthday. Me thinks he will be doing ALL his homework this fall!

Double Shot has requested a family membership to the gym for his present. Most definitely will be a great source of blog fodder for me!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Yup. Had one yesterday.

Any men that read this that get squeamish about girlie stuff... you might want to move along to another blog.

Mr. Macchiato forced me to go. He'd been nagging me about it for a looooong time. A couple weeks ago he called me and said be there on this day at this time. Period.

When I was 28 a mass was discovered in my left breast during a routine exam at the doctor that I was completely unaware of. We had an HMO at the time and everything had to be pre-approved. They put in for an ultra sound, which took days to approve and then I had to go back to the doctor to get the results... then they had to put in for a mammogram, which again took days to approve with a doctor visit a day or two afterward. Then there was the attempt to do a needle biopsy... meeting with a surgeon... phone calls every day... waiting for results... waiting for appointments. It was five weeks from that first appointment to the day of my surgery and the mass was benign. Our children were 6, 5, and 3 at the time so it was extra stressful dealing with the fear.

Several years after that we had another round... only when the doctor said he wanted to do surgery I went home and told Mr. Macchiato everything was fine and didn't go back.

About 8 years ago I started to stress about the fact that I ignored the previous doctor and went to have another mammogram. Everything was fine. By the way, I do not recommend ignoring doctors and keeping that sort of information from your spouse. I should have gone for a second opinion.

So, I schlepped into the imaging center yesterday.

Let me tell you... there is a major difference between getting a mammogram when you are 28 and not overweight and getting one when you are 42 and a blubbernuggett. Instead of pressing up against the machine and trying to get the goods where they need to be... the tech, with cold hands, just picks those babies up off your chest and slaps them down on the platform. It still hurt like a ma jiggy and at one point I thought one of them was going to pop.

I was sent back to the waiting room with all the other ladies naked from the waist up in their over sized hospital gowns. Then I was called back to an office... my doctor needed to be called to order a diagnostic mammogram. More waiting. Then back for some more of the prodding, pulling, smashing, squishing and breath holding.

Waiting room...


Waiting room...

Waiting room...

Office... given a bag for my clothes and another gown to be moved to another department.

Waiting room... starting to panic...

Ultrasound... Tech points out the very large cyst they found. Then gives me a hard time about not getting mammograms regularly. Left me on the table with the picture of the cyst up on the big screen on the wall.

While I was lying there I was thinking. I wonder how much my boobs weigh... I'm definitely getting implants if I have to get them cut off... What will they look like naked? Will there be scars across them or will they make it so you can't see them? I wonder if I can google reconstituted boobs after cancer and find some pictures... What happens to the nipples? Oh my gosh... would they look like mannequin boobs? Do they make fake nipples? What if I have to do chemo? I wonder how much weight I would lose... I don't think my head shape would look good with no hair. Cute hats or a wig? Both. That way I can go with however I feel that day. What if it's gone too far... what if I don't survive... Would Mr. Macchiato remarry? Oh my gosh... what if he likes his second wife better than me? I had better be the favorite wife!!! Oh my gosh... the kids... I want their children to have their grandma! What is my problem?!?!? WHY did I not go for my regular appointments?!?!?! I am so stupid!!!

The ultrasound tech and the radiologist came back into the room. The radiologist explained that the cyst is the non-cancerous kind and it is better just left alone... however, he doesn't like the tissue all around the cyst. They want me back in six months to do all this over again.

HALLELUJAH AND THANK GOD!!! I now have six months to absolutely make sure I am the most favorite wife ever! Just kidding... kind of.

Ladies, if you have put off getting your mammogram, GO!!! Pick up your phone right now and make the call. If they find things early it can be taken care of.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

My Tree

Everyday I spend some time sitting on my couch looking out of this window. I think about a lot of things while I sit there. Often times my thoughts turn to that tree in my yard.

Mr. Macchiato and I came here in July of 2002 looking for a home to buy. We could have bought a brand new home but I wanted to be in a neighborhood that had trees. I have always loved trees.

Our first year here we noticed something very odd about this tree. Like other trees, its leaves changed color in the fall. However, its leaves did not drop. I found this to be quite annoying. I wanted my tree to be like all the other trees in the neighborhood.

Several years ago we had a blizzard hit early in the fall. The leaves had not even turned on the tree yet... even though most of the other trees had already done so and lost their leaves. We heard the tree break. It was very loud and we were very upset.

Even though I was not happy with the tree, I did not want to lose it.

The tree had split through the middle and many of the branches were broken. We did not see how it could survive but rather than cut it down, we decided to do what we could.

Mr. Macchiato pulled the main trunk back together with hose clamps and cut the tree way back.

The leaves turned and they did not fall. Each spring we always think that the tree is dead. All the other trees sprout green leaves while our tree stubbornly holds on to its dead leaves. Eventually, the leaves are blown away by the last of the spring storms.
Our tree then stands naked and exposed.

The wounds from the catastrophic blizzard are evident. The hose clamps that have held the trunk together now restrict the trunk and it bulges around the clamps.
It makes me think of events that happen in our lives that we survive but that in some ways still hold us back.

And even though we are held together, those scars still remain.

And those areas that cannot recover. They are cut from us and gone forever.

In time and through tears we learn to start growing again...

Sometimes it is a very slow process. Slower than those around us think it should take.
Sometimes when we are watching someone else we get frustrated with them as they struggle to recover and forget how hard it is.

Sometimes we hang on to those dead leaves to avoid our hurts being visible to others. We don't like to be vulnerable.
I've thought of my tree often while going through some trouble with our children. At one point I was very frustrated with one of them and remembered that I knew nothing of what was going on inside... new life may be stirring deep down and it may just be a couple more storms before the old leaves are blown away. Just as I've needed people to be patient with me, I need to be patient with them.
I am not the keeper of time and it is not my place to say how and when things should occur.

My tree did not sprout leaves until mid June this year.

It is once again full and green and beautiful. And the sun shines brightly through its leaves.

We do not all go through the same seasons in the same ways. Some of us are full of scars. Even so, our lives can still be made into something beautiful.