Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Men... Don't Get 'Em



I took Benny to the vet on Monday. He was overdue for his yearly shots. We haven't gotten him neutered yet because... well, we kept forgetting about it. It's one of those expenses that is easy to put off and Booper has never exhibited the type of behavior that has you running to the vet to get it done. Well, he did try some stuff as a little guy but Lu Lu... well, you just didn't mess with her. Before Benny got bigger than her she really put him in his place and he never forgot it. Also, because Benny is so furry, we don't see the goods that often.
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When we got to the vet I was hoping they wouldn't put us in the room we had Lu Lu put down in. They didn't. Instead they put us in the room we had Eve put down in. Ugh. There was some problem so we ended up waiting almost an hour too. I was feeling uncomfortable too because I was feeling like a bad pet owner because we haven't gotten him fixed yet and he's two and was not looking forward to that conversation.
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When the Doctor came in he asked how we were doing. Both he and his wife were with us when we put Lu Lu down. His wife was the one that put Eve down almost 2 1/2 years ago and no one that was there that day will forget Double Shot's reaction. It still chokes me up when I think about it.
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Benny is really healthy. The doctor did give me a hard time about his nails. Well, claws really. I am always afraid to cut them... so I don't. I asked him about the pedi-paw thing I've been seeing on TV that files them. Oh my Lord. My mild mannered vet said, "Those things are sh*t, don't waste your money!" Then he apologized and explained that they are not powerful enough and the sand paper thing isn't gritty enough and that if I wanted to take care of his nails that way I'd be better off to buy a dremel (sp?) tool at Lowes. After we were done he sent a tech in to teach me how to trim his nails.
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When we got around to talking about getting Benny fixed I explained why we hadn't yet. When I was done he told me that vets have to recommend spaying and neutering and in most cases he agrees that it should be done. However, in Benny's case, if he were his dog, he would not. He said that because Benny doesn't... ya know... hump stuff, mark his territory in the house, show aggression toward us, and is well controlled that it is healthier for him not to be neutered.
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We had another golden retriever named Reggie that we gave to my mother-in-law when he was 10 months old (yes, I have a thing for goldens). We were moving from California to Mississippi and having a hard time selling our house. We decided not to buy in Mississippi. We were afraid we would not be able to find a place to rent where we could have a big dog. We sent him up to Seattle on a plane by himself. My husband did find a house where we could have had him but we had already sent Reggie to his mom. When she came to visit us several months later we didn't have the heart to take him back. She was in love and we figured she needed him more than we did at that point.
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We had not neutered Reggie. Mr. Macchiato has a hard time with that where the boy dogs are concerned. Girl dogs? Not a problem for him there. Anyway, he didn't want his mom to either. She didn't until she found out he had testicular cancer when he was around 8 or 9. He, like Eve and Lu Lu, died when he was 10. I brought what happened to Reggie up to my vet. He said that if Benny has his testicles he does risk getting cancer but there are also health risks associated with getting neutered that affect his health. Goldens tend to put on a lot of weight and there are risks associated with that. In the end, of course, it is our decision whether we do it or not.
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When I relayed all this to Mr. Macchiato he was so happy... beaming with pride happy. He has said the following to Benny:
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Oh Booper, you are such a good boy! You get to keep your nads!
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Oh Benny, Dr. P saved you!
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Benna Boo, Dr. P is your new best friend!
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Booper, you are such a gooooooood boy!!!
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When Double Shot heard about it... he beamed with pride too!!! What the heck?!?! He also says similar things to Benny.
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Good Lord.
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Do y'all remember the Mr. Jumbo McFat Ass Pants? Well, yesterday afternoon Mr. Macchiato called me...
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Mr. Macchiato: Very grumpy... I'm so friggin uncomfortable. I ate too much for lunch and have felt like crap all day. My clothes are pinching me in two. I feel like a worm that got pinched and put on a hook.
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Me: Laughing... A worm?
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Mr. Macchiato: A big fat pinched worm on a hook.
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Me: Laughing so hard he starts laughing too.
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This Morning I was getting his clothes for him. I had ironed him a shirt and was going through his pants in his closet to get a matching pair. Mr. Macchiato can't match stuff. I even have to hand him his socks or lay them out or he'll put on whatever he grabs. When I'm mad at him I don't do this and then snicker to myself when I watch him head off to work in one of his disastrous ensembles. It's called passive aggression and I've got it down.
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Mr. Macchiato: Standing there in his tighty whities... Hey, can I wear the Mr. Jumbo McFat Ass Pants?
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Oh, yesterday Double Shot had a baseball game. Last week I bought him new baseball pants because his were too tight. The sports store we went to didn't have any adult medium so I got him large. I didn't feel like running around town and I figured he's still growing... he's got a belt. They are HUGE on him. We stopped at Loaf-n-Jug so he could run in and get some gatorade on our way to the field. He's been complaining about the pants since I got them.
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Double Shot: Leans into the car before running into the store... Are these pants one of your little passive aggressive deals? Because they suck!
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Me: Laughing... and thinking... hmmmm.... maybe...

11 comments:

Just Me said...

Men are very attached to their unmentionables.

Vasectomy was only fleetingly mentioned during a pre-Kryptonite discussion, and the house shuddered with his cringe. The Oracle is a fair-minded man, though, and said he wouldn't expect me to go through surgery either.

And now we have Kryptonite!

Angela said...

I'm so with you with trimming the dogs nails...oh my,,I hate it and thought of buying that thing also..

Cute post..Winnie isn't fixed either,,and he DOES hump ALL his toys and pees all over the house..GRRRR..one day I'll get him fixed. When Randy is back to working.SIGH

Chris H said...

Seems to me that having Benny say 'intact' is a reflection of your men's MANLINESS! Derrrr. Simple minds men have.

Whatever, let them keep their nuts. lol

claudia said...

I have a Dremel and one of those roller sand paper thingys, and my daughter and I sat down one day to do my little dogs nails. I thought it would take two of us cause the dog does not like us messing with her feet. My daughter held her tight and held up one of her paws for me so I could sand down the nail. My little dog was all calm and still! She even fell asleep while I was doing her nails. It was amazing! You definitely have to get a Dremel! (Actually I have two Dremels and all the attachments...I am known as the Dremel Queen in the hardware store where I work.)

Karen Deborah said...

ahh your recovering enough to be funny, and I so enjoyed the giggles, well guffaws actually smore like bellows, and definitely not lady like, SNORT!

jojo said...

Great post! I needed a laugh today..jj

Anonymous said...

Okay, I waited two days to comment cause this topic stressed me out. I tried, but no laughing here.
I was not surprised to see you had a male vet. I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do (though it won't take you long to figure it out;-)but I'm going to give you some things to think about, smattered with some facts and personal experiences.

First and foremost: just because Benny doesn't hump, mark or show dominance aggression doesn't mean that he won't. And once they start, neutering isn't always effective in stopping them.

Second: All surgery carries risks. But what do you think is riskier, operating on a young healthy dog or operating on an older dog who has cancer.

Third: Old wives tale: Dogs gain weight after being neutered. If they gain weight they are being fed to much for their activity level.

Fourth: If an intact female moves into your neighborhood or happens by visiting when she's in heat you will have one crazy dog who will do anything to get to her.

Ironic (sad) story: Earlier this week I received a phone call from an old friend who lives out of state. She was crying because their beloved golden retreiver, age 3 who had never been neutered (her story is so close to yours that I would have thought you were her if I didn't know better) bit her neice (who needed thirty stitches on her face) when she got to close to the dog who was jumping on and trying to dominate another dog in the house. This dog had never shown any aggression to anyone and lives with three small children.

Ask Mr. Macchiato how it would feel to go his entire life without having his need to procreate (to put it gently) relieved. Dogs have the same need. If he keeps all those extra hormones the need will continue, without the release.

If the boys can't handle it, take care of it yourself. You'll be doing Benny a favor in the long run.

Of course if the boys need to see some dangling back there you could always put neuticles in when he's neutered. :-)
http://www.neuticles.com/index.php


Sorry this was so long. I feel better now, thanks for reading. E

Coffee Bean said...

Thanks for your thoughtful response E. I will definitely have MM read this.

I actually have the same concerns. We take Benny on trips with us and just the other day Double Shot had to help some elderly people from Seattle catch their golden retriever. They are visiting relatives in our neighborhood. I also know all the trouble Reggie got into over the years... he didn't hump stuff or mark territory in the house either.

It has also occurred to me that there probably aren't any intact females around here.

I was surprised when the doctor said that I have him well controlled. Not always!

I appreciate you taking the time to voice your concerns.

Mrs. Beamer said...

Coffee Bean, I just discovered this blog. Wow, this one seems so calm and relaxed compared to the rough and tumble world of "Uneducated Housewife". You must be a very busy gal managing 2 blogs, a family and pets!

Anonymous said...

Thank you CB for taking my comment in the manner in which I intended it. E

Tovah said...

I recently got a dremel because I hated trimming my dog's nails too. I spent three days desensitizing him (putting it on his feet while it wasn't on, running through easy tricks and giving lots of food rewards while it was on etc.) and now the dog that used to need TWO people at the groomers to trim his feet will lay there while I do it all by myself. It's wonderful!