Saturday, February 14, 2009

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Sweet Angela at FREE SPIRIT HAVEN blessed me with this award! Thank you so very much! The following text comes with the award:

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Well... seeing that I color outside the lines sometimes (but always in a pretty way, lol), I want to do this a little differently. I want to pass this along to all of you who read this blog. I don't always get to read everyone else's blogs regularly but I want you to know how much your reading mine means to me. Those of you who take the time to comment really warm my heart and, so often, make me laugh. Please take this award and let me know in the comments so I can put links to you in the body of another post so that maybe some here who haven't found their way to your blog yet can do so.

You don't have to have commented before or have a blog... or anything. I have a site meter that I look at here and there and can see where people are from that visit the blog. I'm always surprised! I can also see how many times that person has been to the blog. Even though I have no way of knowing who you are or exactly where you are, knowing that you are reading and coming back encourages me. I just want you to know I appreciate you and thank you.

I haven't shared on here lately... the SD has gotten worse. If you have SD and notice that I haven't been round your blog much lately... it is because this roller coaster ride with my voice is sometimes more than I can take. I really try to have a positive attitude... I feel like I have accepted this so many times... until the next bout of when I don't. It's been three years since my diagnosis. I struggled the two years prior to that. Having the botox work... and then having it not... going through the last two injections with the camera and knowing without doubt that they were, in fact, injected into the correct place... My family cannot understand me on the phone. Sometimes, at night, I type what I want to say on my laptop and then pass it to Mr. Macchiato. I am so grateful I can whisper but am afraid that will be lost too. I've often joked that I'm just going to become a mute. In many ways, especially in public, that is becoming a reality.

I don't know that anyone can really understand. When people I know lose their voice temporarily due to illness or laryngitis I get an e-mail or a phone call. They tell me that it made them think of me and that they didn't realize how hard it is. I heard a singer on the radio a couple months ago who lost his voice for three months... he went on a bit about how horrible it was. Those two years I struggled before my diagnosis it didn't bother me the way it did after the diagnosis because, in my mind, it was just a matter of time before we found out what was wrong and fixed it. These past three years, while frustrating, I had some hope (albeit very little at times, but still some) that the botox would work again. Throughout all these years I've prayed off and on for a miracle. Now... I have no hope. I suppose God could heal me but... honestly, I rarely even pray for that anymore.

I know I've said on here before that I was very anti-computer. I didn't even like e-mail. I'm more of a people person and it just seemed... lazy. The time suck it can be still bothers me. At the same time... I'd be lost without it now. Having this outlet has really helped me. I will have had this blog one year next month. Hard to believe. I'm so grateful for all y'all that stop by here. It makes me feel less invisible and like I can still reach out.

Oh Good Lord. I'm all mushy and emotional now. I don't know if today will be a special day for you... if you celebrate Valentine's Day, if you have a special someone in your life, or if you will feel let down or be disappointed today... Sometimes holidays like this suck. I pray that you will know that I appreciate the time you take here and I pray that the love of God will make this day better for you.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just read your Mama Mia story. I agree with you, while everyone else has been raving about it and seeing it more than once, I think it is kind of trashy. Not the kind of morals I want to pass on to my grandchildren. And, yes Pierce Brosnan seems to be in great pain while singing. jr from oh

Kathy said...

I just popped in after being away for a week. Thank you for the sweet words and wishes for your readers. Hang in there friend, I am sorry that you are having a tough time right now. *hugs*

Rick said...

Hey Kiddo - just popped over from my blog to wish you a happy Valentine's Day. I am touched by your words and the description of your struggle. I am very sorry. I'm slowly losing my hearing. We would have a fun time having a face to face conversation, wouldn't we. Hang in there!

Deborah said...

Hi Cb...I don't have any words of wisdom to help you through, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, and don't stop praying for a miracle! Thankfully, God always knows what he is doing even when life makes no sense to us!

Karen Deborah said...

awhh girlfriend I love you, and you know I can't hear worth a flip and am slowly losing my mind too; but it's all good we are getting ready for a new body. I'm sorry your getting worse really I am. And I love your blog and thanks for getting me going with blogging, my first year anniversary just happened on Feb 10th! Where has the time gone?
I don't care about the time suck the toilets will be there indefinitely...

Laura ~Peach~ said...

hugs my coffeebean... When I had the pollyp removed from my larynx several years back and was ordered not to talk for a week it made me realise just how often we talk in public or interacting with others, I can glimps into what you are facing and going through but at the same time I know that is not the same. Its kinda like when I broke my thumb some 16 years ago (thank you martha) I realised just how hard it is to do just about anything with out my thumb.
but my point is this. I am so glad you blog becuase people may not believe it but I have no life, I cook , I clean I grocey shop and I take martha places sometimes... I can go DAYS and not speak to anyone other than mike and martha... and other times it feels like I am at least doing something... blogging and blogger friends are my friends and they mean the world to me. I am so thankful to have you.
I hope you have a wonderful Valentines day.
Love you.

jojo said...

I pray that the love of God will make this day better for you too ;) Although I don't comment often, i'm always here and even though we have different challenges in our life we are the same in many ways. Thinking of you Coffee Bean...take care...

Faye said...

Hi,
I love to read your blog. You always pick me up and make me laugh. I feel like you are a friend. I have SD also, and have given up at times when it has been at its worst. I am doing better since I had two injections in December. One didn't work, and 3 weeks later went back. That one worked. My doctor even suggested that I was developing antibodies to the botox. I live on a rollercoaster also. I pray that this lasts and I don't have to get back on the rollercoaster again. You are not alone. The computer is a big help to me too, especially when my voice is gone. I love you...have a great Valentines Day!

Alison said...

Happy Valentine's Day. I am sorry you are struggling right now...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I have been MIA for awhile, but you have been in my thoughts,

Stacey said...

Hi Coffee Bean,
I came across your blog from the SD website. It doesn't help much but know that you are not alone. I don't think anyone but an SD sufferer knows about how difficult it can be. I went about 10 years before my diagnosis- and I am only 27 now. Luckily for me botox works well. I just haven't got my dosage right yet and the side effects are still 2 weeks with no voice, a few times a year. It is such a rollercoaster! I enjoy your blog because it makes me laugh and picks me up when I am feeling down. Your personality & sense of humour really shine through the stories that you tell. Keep up the good work!

Angela said...

Hey girl...((((((((((((hugs)))))) Thanks for sharing from your heart, being honest and MUSHY...hug kiss hug kiss, !!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

Just poppin in to say hello and read up-I'm a little late. I had to ask mum what SD was but i want you to know that even without a voice i have heard you loud and clear-you are a true inspiration. Stay positive-Miracles do happen. My prayers are with you.
<3 Emmie Jeans

noexcuses said...

CB - I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. My brother had some polyps removed years ago, and still speaks in a very raspy voice.

Please don't ever give up. Maybe your writings and sense of humor have been sharpend because of this disease. God knows what he's doing, even if we jump up and down and complain!

Thank you for always bringing a smile to my day. Even when you are not at your best, you make me feel something every time I read your posts. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

Prayers and hugs coming your way!

Trisha said...

Coffee Bean . . .

I love you!

hanagrace said...

I'm sorry to hear the SD has gotten worse, I wish I was there, I'd give you a big hug. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I look forward to reading your blog, I'm sad on the days you don't write. :-) It's usually just what I need to hear. If I need a laugh, you've written something funny, if I'm frustrated, I realize I'm not alone. :-)