I recently shared that I had bought some new work clothes for Mr. Macchiato. Because shopping with him is akin to beating my head into a wall, I bought many things for him to choose from within the comfort of our home with the intention of taking back the things he did not like.
Mr. Macchiato is an accountant and does not like spending money on certain things... like clothes. When he saw the large pile on the couch he immediately went into resist mode. I held up each article and proceeded in creating keep and take back piles. I did buy a pair of super baggy gangster jeans as a joke. He was horrified and Double Shot and I got a good laugh out of it. He drove me crazy with all the back and forth because he only wanted to keep a couple things and he really needed more. In the end we reached a compromise. That is Coffee Bean speak for it went my way.
One of the articles we kept was a new pair of Dockers for him to wear on Fridays. His other pair was only suitable for a rag bag. This particular pair of Dockers has this neat little feature in the waistband that can expand if needed. It is not noticeable to anyone but the person wearing the pants. This ensures that they will never be uncomfortable if there is a temporary weight gain... which, you know, happens. Mr. Macchiato has a pair of dress pants with this feature. He was annoyed with me when he discovered it but he wears them regularly and they always look nice and never pinch.
Last Friday I laid his clothes out for him. I do this every day because he does not know how to match his clothes. Unless, of course, I am mad at him and then I let him go to work in whatever he puts together... which always amuses me. Well, and okay... has on occasion made me feel really guilty when he's come home and I'm faced with the full realization of the atrocities of his ensembles. I actually even lay out his socks. And his underwear.
Anyway, late Friday morning I got a call from him.
MM: What is with the Mr. Jumbo McFat Ass pants?
Me: Laughing... What?
MM: These are expandable pants! They are for Jumbo McFat Asses.
Me: Laughing so hard everything goes white and I momentarily wonder if I might pass out.
MM: Why do you buy me pants like this? They are 38's that can expand to friggin 44's!!! They are maternity pants for men!!!
Me: Laughing so hard I can't breathe. My sides start to hurt and I am seriously dangerously close to actually passing out.
MM: Yeah. I thought you'd find that funny.
Me: Laughing... oh... stop! I can't breathe.
MM: I didn't think you'd find it that funny.... Well, yeah, thanks for the Jumbo McFat Ass pants.
Later that night when he came home he was complaining about the pants to Double Shot. I told him they look nice and will always be comfortable. He took his belt off and then pulled the waistband out in front of him. They really could be maternity pants! Double Shot and I were just howling!
Me: Oh! Oh! Please! Can I take a picture of that for my blog?
MM: HELL NO!!!