Monday, February 16, 2009

Clothes Make the Man???

I recently shared that I had bought some new work clothes for Mr. Macchiato. Because shopping with him is akin to beating my head into a wall, I bought many things for him to choose from within the comfort of our home with the intention of taking back the things he did not like.

Mr. Macchiato is an accountant and does not like spending money on certain things... like clothes. When he saw the large pile on the couch he immediately went into resist mode. I held up each article and proceeded in creating keep and take back piles. I did buy a pair of super baggy gangster jeans as a joke. He was horrified and Double Shot and I got a good laugh out of it. He drove me crazy with all the back and forth because he only wanted to keep a couple things and he really needed more. In the end we reached a compromise. That is Coffee Bean speak for it went my way.

One of the articles we kept was a new pair of Dockers for him to wear on Fridays. His other pair was only suitable for a rag bag. This particular pair of Dockers has this neat little feature in the waistband that can expand if needed. It is not noticeable to anyone but the person wearing the pants. This ensures that they will never be uncomfortable if there is a temporary weight gain... which, you know, happens. Mr. Macchiato has a pair of dress pants with this feature. He was annoyed with me when he discovered it but he wears them regularly and they always look nice and never pinch.

Last Friday I laid his clothes out for him. I do this every day because he does not know how to match his clothes. Unless, of course, I am mad at him and then I let him go to work in whatever he puts together... which always amuses me. Well, and okay... has on occasion made me feel really guilty when he's come home and I'm faced with the full realization of the atrocities of his ensembles. I actually even lay out his socks. And his underwear.

Anyway, late Friday morning I got a call from him.

MM: What is with the Mr. Jumbo McFat Ass pants?

Me: Laughing... What?

MM: These are expandable pants! They are for Jumbo McFat Asses.

Me: Laughing so hard everything goes white and I momentarily wonder if I might pass out.

MM: Why do you buy me pants like this? They are 38's that can expand to friggin 44's!!! They are maternity pants for men!!!

Me: Laughing so hard I can't breathe. My sides start to hurt and I am seriously dangerously close to actually passing out.

MM: Yeah. I thought you'd find that funny.

Me: Laughing... oh... stop! I can't breathe.

MM: I didn't think you'd find it that funny.... Well, yeah, thanks for the Jumbo McFat Ass pants.

Later that night when he came home he was complaining about the pants to Double Shot. I told him they look nice and will always be comfortable. He took his belt off and then pulled the waistband out in front of him. They really could be maternity pants! Double Shot and I were just howling!

Me: Oh! Oh! Please! Can I take a picture of that for my blog?



noexcuses said...

OH MY GOODNESS!! I'm dying here! What an absolute howl! Well, at least MM has a sense of humor and didn't just drive home to change!

What a riot! I think you do too much for him. My dad was colorblind, so he wasn't allowed to pick his stuff out. My mom eventually put the tops and bottoms together on one hanger. Then all he needed to do was get the right socks to match. That's when she started buying "only" black socks!

I would love to be a fly on your wall sometime. But I would probably turn white and pass out, or just wet myself.

Great post!

Karen Deborah said...

how do you record laughing hysterically? I'm having an asthma attack!!!!

Gladys said...

Fatty McFat Ass pants for Accountants that eat lunch at Fatty Mc Fat Ass McDonalds. You just say Super Size ME!

BWHAAAHAAAA I'm crying over here.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

oh come on mr... we need a picture of you in these maternity pants!!!!
Giggles... snork!

jojo said...

I must insist on pictures. If i'm laughing so hard that I peed myself you must put up with the humiliation of pictures..I'm just sayin'. Great post CB..can we go shopping some time?

Chris H said...

THAT. IS. HYSTERICAL.... and I do sooooo wish you could have taken a photo...

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Just Me said...

That is too funny. Really, I started to lose it the first time I read "Jumbo McFat Ass" pants.

I have to agree with Mr. M. Pants that expand from a 38 to a 44 are a little extreme even if they are comfy.

Even The Oracle (who wears a 38) never went beyond a 42, and he had an absolute bird when he hit that number.

Yep. He truly and totally went into OCD dieter mode. Light yogurt, boiled chicken and veggies (so boring I'd rather die than eat it), Splenda Crack -- er -- Splenda Coke, and walking every night and/or hitting the Bowflex.

Just watching him made me tired, but he lost those four inches in record time.

As for: "Why do you buy me pants like this? They are 38's that can expand to friggin 44's!!! They are maternity pants for men!!!" My response would be, "That's what you get for not picking your own clothes!"

My kids clothes have those button-and-elastic expandable waists in their pants. Why can't they do that in women's jeans?

MaBunny said...

/snort that is too hilarious! McFat Ass pants?/ bwahahahahahaha

Poor MM:) i do think its funny that you lay out even his undies... just get him all tidy whities then he won't have to bother with matching them...
I bought my daughter some jeans like that cause she won't freakin stop growing, but I didn't buy them because shes chunky , she really isn't, lol.
Yes I do have Back In Black on my playlist - I love 80s metal!

Trisha said...

The mental picture is good enough! Men are so funny about clothes!

claudia said...

Your family is hysterical! I love the Mr Jumbo McFat Ass comments from Mr Macchiato! You had me laughing out loud here, I hope I didn't wake up my girls, they will think I have lost it!

Roland Hulme said...


It's funny - I'm the complete opposite of Mr Macchiato. I guess I'm all euro-metrosexual and such jazz. I love dressing up (although my wife says I dress too much like either a cowboy or an italian gangster, depending on the mood.)

Jumbo McFatAss pants made me HOWL.

Wifey is still wearing maternity clothes, but because we've been dieting, they've started to get far too loose and she's reluctantly accepting that she needs new clothes as well.

Ah, clothes shopping...

America is great, because the clothes here are so nice and affordable - but I think the trousers are FAR too baggy. In France, they're the opposite - made for Frenchmen with skinny little legs. I like British trousers - my mother sends me them for Christmas.

Oh, hark, vanity.

Christina said...

I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering before I had finished reading! I was struggling to wipe away the tears to finish reading the post! Hilarious!

Junebug said...

Maybe "Clothes make an elephant?" Jumbo? Oh, you cracked me up!

hanagrace said...

I just about died laughing reading about you dying laughing. :-D GREAT post!!!

Angela said...

Ok, tell me where you bought them? I'm heading out to buy Randy a pair..LOL

Life with Kaishon said...

Karen Deborah sent me over. She is right. This is hilarious!

Flea said...

Bwahahaha! Too much! I really would have loved to see that photo. :)