Friday, January 23, 2009

Rough Day

I remember dates sometimes. It's not that I try to. I just do. I never know which events are going to be recorded in my memory along with the date. It just happens. There are often dates I'd like to remember but don't...

Anyway, I had to take Chai Tea for an MRI and x-rays of her knee this morning. It has been bothering her for some time and now that she is back in school full-time, she's back on our insurance. As we were driving there she was telling me all about her classes and what she's been learning... and I started to cry. I'm not an emotional person and do not cry all that often. She ran away on January 26th last year... Monday will be the 26th again. For me to be with her and her to be back in school... and to be excited about it... after all the ups and downs of this past year... the months where she was not speaking to us and we never saw her... the wondering where she was... the worrying... I'm just so grateful. So very grateful. We went out to lunch afterwards.

Lu Lu is not doing well. She was diagnosed with kidney function problems a year and a half ago. She was put on medication to help with the peeing. It made her dry heave for hours each day so we switched to estrogen. We also put her on very expensive dog food. She's one of the main reasons our dogs are crated when they cannot be watched. We got new carpet in the summer of 2007 and because I am a control freak she has not peed in the house even once, except in her crate. Anyway, our vet had also put Benny on a special diet of duck and potato food and it was costing us over $125 a month not including meds. I switched to Iams lamb and rice because Benny still had problems with his ears even on the diet. If I keep his ears clean then he doesn't have a problem. Where Lu Lu was concerned... the food and medication was only going to prolong the inevitable.

Lu Lu has been dry heaving much more so than usual and less active. Yesterday she peed in her crate twice even though I was home. I let them out this morning before taking Double Shot to school. When I came home an hour later she had peed in her crate again. We usually get up to let her get a drink and go potty at least once a night. Sometimes it is two or three times. Her fur is long right now and she wallers in the piss. I can't give her a bath several times a day... I can't let her wander around...

On this date two years ago we had to put our golden retriever Eve down. Chai Tea and I talked about her as we drove around. I told myself I never wanted another dog after Lu Lu died. Eve was my once in a lifetime dog. There can never be another dog like her. When I saw Benny two months later I wouldn't even touch him... I didn't even want to look at him. We got him a couple days later. It was my way of telling Eve that she'd been worth it. All the hair, the bad breath, the mud on rainy or snow melting days... the smell of her fur when it was wet. I still think of her every day.

I've never connected with Lu Lu the way I did with Eve, or now, Benny. Sometimes I wonder if I don't really like dogs that much... just golden retrievers. I feel most tender toward her when I'm washing her muddy paws. She's so good for me and her belly looks so cute when she flips on her back. Mr. Macchiato and Frappy are the ones most connected to her. Mr. Macchiato has always called her his dog.

I stopped at the vets on my way home after dropping Chai Tea off. Our vet office is owned by a husband and wife. They are very good people. I talked to the wife... It was so surreal to be in there 2 years to the day after having Eve put down. I explained what is happening with Lu Lu and our decision to let nature take its course. I'm afraid the day is drawing near... being stuck in a crate and constantly peeing on herself... She told me that it is also painful for the dog. I didn't know that. Maybe she'll rebound some. She still runs around outside and barks like crazy at the dog behind us...

Rough day...

11 comments:

Gladys said...

My heart aches for you. I'm sorry for your pain and for your puppy.

Sometimes life just gets too real doesn't it?

Melody said...

I'm sorry about LuLu. It is always hard thinking of putting a dog down. I have a 16 year old border collie that is deaf, mostly blind, and has started peeing on the floor - not every day, but she never used to at all. And she gets lost in the house - she can't remember how to get to the back door, so we have to lead her every time. I've thought of putting her down, and then she looks at me with those soft brown eyes and I melt. Dang dogs!

Flea said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. What a painful day. I'll be praying for you. Thanks for being real, for feeling out loud. You're not alone.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

hugssssssssssssss

Artsy said...

Poor stupid lu I don't want her to go. But hey she has had a great life just think about that momma.

Angela said...

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))...lots going on at your place too girl...lovin coming through to you from Canada..

noexcuses said...

I am so sorry for your pain. Sending prayers and hugs to you. We took ours to the vet today because she has been vomiting. We really need to keep an eye out for these beautiful creatures!

So glad to hear you speak so warmly of your relationship with your daughter.

Karen Deborah said...

Ouch, if she's hurting she needs help. Did the vet offer any pain medicine? Write Kathy. I have been wondering because it was a year ago you were talking about how sick she was. I use "Blue" pet food. I'm afraid of IAMs since the cat food thing. I'm really sorry this is happening and really blessed to hear about CT, THAT is an amazing answer to prayer! and um I love you.

Trisha said...

Oh dear! I am so sorry that you are having a rough day(s). Pets can bring such joy as well as such pain. They are our friends and companions and the thought of them dying - or the thought of having to "put them down"- is horrible. I will be thinking of you!

Elysa said...

Praying for you and loving you, sweetheart.

Kathy said...

Just a thought here, I do understand the 'letting nature take her course' idea, but there just may be another thing going on additional to the renal disease. Maybe,sSomething as simple as a bladder infection that antibiotics will take care of. A few simple, inexpensive lab tests will help to determine that, or if kidneys, how bad they've gotten. Yes, it hurts to be in end stage kidney failure. Prayers and hugs.