Thursday, December 11, 2008

Questions, Questions, Questions... Maybe an Answer

If you've read this or my other blog for any amount of time you are probably aware that I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff. I can't help it. It is how I am wired. As I've wandered through my home this morning I found myself, once again, pondering my life. I just have so many questions that go unanswered. Maybe y'all can help me.

1. Why do I like to watch work out shows while I eat my breakfast?

2. Why have I moved stacks of neatly folded towels from the coffee table to the ironing board and back over the last two days instead of putting them in the linen closet?

3. Why do I like to wear work out clothes but rarely actually work out?

4. Why do I not clean all of the clothes I don't wear out of my drawers so that I don't have to cram the clothes I do wear into them? And why do I sometimes move the clean clothes on my bed to a basket on the floor in the very room the closet and drawers are that those clothes need to go into?

5. Why do I clean my silverware drawer, top of my fridge or inside of the microwave when the sink is full of dishes?

6. Why do I sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and write out lists of what I am going to do each day and then go blog?

7. Why do I use Splenda in my coffee and drink Diet Coke at the same time that I eat cookies or cake?

8. Why do I watch what I eat during special times but then turn around and blow it on something stupid like a peanut butter sandwich?

9. Why do I put on make-up to go on a hike but not to go to the grocery store?

10. Why do I write down addresses and numbers on all kinds of crazy scraps of paper and then shove them in my address book instead of writing them in?

I really want to know.

Also, if you've been reading this blog, you may know that I don't like parenting books. Not. At. All. They suck. However... I may have found an answer. He is the Dog Whisperer! My mother-in-law gave us the entire second season on DVD this summer. We watched a couple of episodes and then forgot about it. I've been watching them while I neatly fold things that I don't put away. That guy is AMAZING! Of course, my dogs just stare at me when I try those techniques and then do what they want anyway, causing my son to fall on the floor in fits of laughter, however... there are incredible nuggets of wisdom in there. Just substitute what he's saying about dogs and apply it to your kids. No, I'm serious. Check it out.

9 comments:

Flea said...

You are too funny. When you figure these things out, let me know? Cuz I do a lot of the same things. :)

Angela said...

I watch that show, Dog Whisperer,,..that is where I got the idea of spraying them with the water when they bark. He SO needs to come to my house..I NEED help with these toy poodles...

Karen Deborah said...

umm steroids or Ritalin or just blog and fouggettaboutit

Gladys said...

CB I'm here to answer your questions. Hey it's what I do.

1. Why do I like to watch work out shows while I eat my breakfast?
You do this because you know if your mind is watching work out shows it is telling your body that you are burning calories vicariously ergo you are burning calories. See you look thinner and toner already.



2. Why have I moved stacks of neatly folded towels from the coffee table to the ironing board and back over the last two days instead of putting them in the linen closet?

Because you are using them as decorations.

3. Why do I like to wear work out clothes but rarely actually work out?

This pretty much is the same answer as #1. If you "think" your working out you will become thinner and toner.

4. Why do I not clean all of the clothes I don't wear out of my drawers so that I don't have to cram the clothes I do wear into them? And why do I sometimes move the clean clothes on my bed to a basket on the floor in the very room the closet and drawers are that those clothes need to go into?

You don't clean out the drawers because then you would feel like you didn't have any clothes and you would be FORCED to go out and purchase more clothes. You are saving money.

5. Why do I clean my silverware drawer, top of my fridge or inside of the microwave when the sink is full of dishes?

The dishes get done every day. Your refrigerator and inside of microwave begin to feel abandoned and neglected. Your are just being attentive to thier issues.


6. Why do I sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and write out lists of what I am going to do each day and then go blog?

Because you have done your job. You have written chores on a list. It is now time for the elves to come in and do your work while you work on your blog.

7. Why do I use Splenda in my coffee and drink Diet Coke at the same time that I eat cookies or cake?

Eating cake while drinking splenda sweetened coffee zeros out the calories in the cake therefore you have just eaten no calories.

8. Why do I watch what I eat during special times but then turn around and blow it on something stupid like a peanut butter sandwich?

You save up your "calories" or "points" and so there are no calories or points when you eat your pbj sanwhich.

9. Why do I put on make-up to go on a hike but not to go to the grocery store?

Your beauty is so awe inspiring that you do not need makeup and merely apply it before hiking as sunscreen and bug repelent.

10. Why do I write down addresses and numbers on all kinds of crazy scraps of paper and then shove them in my address book instead of writing them in?

If you write them in the book then it is permanent. You want to try them out before you put them permanently into your life.

Now can I help you with anything else?

Karen Deborah said...

OMG what a comment does she KNOW you? That was stinkin great!

Hey do read Chesapeake Bay Woman? she is on my blog roll and she is one of my favorites. I passed on the award you sent me and she said it was her first. This is a travesty that needs immediate remedy! You still got that brilliant one laying around? I never got that, so I can't give it away; I could use one for goofiest, my vocabulary test came out jr high school I was to embarrassed to post the results. Who am I kidding? Guess what it snowed here today?
I miss you want to come for a visit?

Trisha said...

I don't know that there is much left to say about the questions - other than the fact that I think we all have pretty much identical questions from time to time.

Maybe you could start a new show - the Child-Whisperer. I think a lot of what works for dogs really would/does work with children. Well, until they get older.

Angela said...

Got something for you at my blog. ((hugs))

Coffee Bean said...

You are hysterical Gladys... Do you know me from somewhere? LOL!

noexcuses said...

As I read your questions, I thought, "maybe we were twins and separated at birth!" I can so relate to those, especially the ones about food! And your friend, Gladys...wow, what hilarious answers!

I love Dog Whisperer! We've tried a few things, but one must be consistant!!!! (Not in my vocab!)

Hang in there!