This wasn't my best year. In fact, I rank it among the worst. I told myself I wasn't going to look back. That this year didn't matter... but it did.
Attitude plays such an important part in our lives. Sometimes it is really hard to be positive. Sometimes it is really hard to accept that there are things in my life over which I have no control. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with any of it. Sometimes I just don't want to believe that I have a choice in how I view things... how I feel about things... but I do.
It's been 3 years since my SD diagnosis. I still struggle with it and how it affects my life. I hate it. Sometimes it makes me angry. Mostly, it just makes me feel sorry for myself. But that's not right... I choose to be angry and I choose to feel sorry for myself.
I was listening to Third Day awhile ago and their song, Offering, came on. I just stood still and listened to it...
Magnificent Holy Father
I stand in awe of all I see
Of all the things You have created
But still You choose to think of me
Who am I that You should suffer
Your very life to set me free
The only thing that I can give You
Is the life you gave to me
This is my offering, dear Lord
This is my offering to You, God
And I will give You my life
For it's all I have to give
Because You gave your life for me
I stand before You at this altar
So many have given You more
I may not have much I can offer
Yet what I have is truly Yours
This is my offering
I was struck by, I stand before You at this altar... So many have given You more... I may not have much I can offer... Yet, what I have is truly Yours... I spend so much time going over in my mind all that I can't do. All that I used to do. I've been in mourning for the life I once had.
This year... I'm going to see what I can do.