I'm curious. Is there anyone out there that gets so grumpy that they can't even stand being in their own skin? Do your beloved family members make you want to rake your fingernails down your very own face only to be followed by pulling out clumps of your own hair? Do you ever just want to stand in the middle of your front yard and scream, "WHY???" Has a padded cell ever sounded... well, inviting?
It's all the animals in my life. They are driving me insane. iNsAnE.
aWe've hit that transitional time of year when I seriously cannot understand why I want dogs in the first place. Oh yeah... I wanted my kids to have pets because I couldn't have them growing up. I would beg and beg and what did my parents say to me? "NO. All they do is eat, poop and tear up stuff and you kids won't take care of them." (we did have a few pets very short term) You know what? My mom is now a dog breeder and always has PUPPIES. Puppies that she lets in her house! My Dad? He has a dog and TWO cats. When he and his wife got the dog and I was listening to him cooing over the dog when he was supposed to be talking to me on the phone... I told him he sucked because he never let me have pets. He still laughs about it and it's been two or three years.
a Do you see those muddy paws? &%$#*&!! That mud is ground in every crevice.
You can find the step by step process I go through here.
aJust know that while you are laughing... I am not.
Did you know that Quaker Parrots have a life span up to 35 years? Did you know that Quaker Parrots are the squawkinist birds on the planet? No? Well, now you do.
aA bit of advice for you parents out there that are dumb as a box of rocks... like us. If your five year old asks if he saves his money can he get a parrot... SAY NO! Unlike some adults... like, uh, say ME... some five year olds can actually save their money and every penny they find on the street for YEARS. Who knew?
aFeel free to cry me a river.
aIt makes me want to hurt someone. It's true. You should pray for me. Right now.
Which brings me to the worst animal in my house.
Yes, a 16 year old boy qualifies as an animal. You know this if you've ever had one.
aTrash can? Two steps away.
See that butter? The manchildanimus unwrapped that stick prior to gorging himself on waffles. I know this because the wrapper was stuck to the floor. a
aIt made my eye twitch. And my stomach burn. He took his lunch in a Target bag. I hope his sandwich gets squished.
please take the time to do so now.
aI try to avoid Double Shot's bathroom.
aLet's just say that it is a mighty good thing that he is at school.
A. MIGHTY. GOOD. THING.
I really am hoping to read some of y'alls' blogs again someday. Today... I am cleaning. Today... I want to rake my fingernails down my face and pull out my hair. Today... I want to stand in my front yard and holler, "WHY?!?!"