Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I'm Trapped in Housewife Hell

I'm curious. Is there anyone out there that gets so grumpy that they can't even stand being in their own skin? Do your beloved family members make you want to rake your fingernails down your very own face only to be followed by pulling out clumps of your own hair? Do you ever just want to stand in the middle of your front yard and scream, "WHY???" Has a padded cell ever sounded... well, inviting?
It's all the animals in my life. They are driving me insane. iNsAnE.

The dogs were given baths on Sunday.

aWe've hit that transitional time of year when I seriously cannot understand why I want dogs in the first place. Oh yeah... I wanted my kids to have pets because I couldn't have them growing up. I would beg and beg and what did my parents say to me? "NO. All they do is eat, poop and tear up stuff and you kids won't take care of them." (we did have a few pets very short term) You know what? My mom is now a dog breeder and always has PUPPIES. Puppies that she lets in her house! My Dad? He has a dog and TWO cats. When he and his wife got the dog and I was listening to him cooing over the dog when he was supposed to be talking to me on the phone... I told him he sucked because he never let me have pets. He still laughs about it and it's been two or three years.

a Do you see those muddy paws? &%$#*&!! That mud is ground in every crevice.

You can find the step by step process I go through here.

aJust know that while you are laughing... I am not.




Did you know that Quaker Parrots have a life span up to 35 years? Did you know that Quaker Parrots are the squawkinist birds on the planet? No? Well, now you do.

aA bit of advice for you parents out there that are dumb as a box of rocks... like us. If your five year old asks if he saves his money can he get a parrot... SAY NO! Unlike some adults... like, uh, say ME... some five year olds can actually save their money and every penny they find on the street for YEARS. Who knew?

aFeel free to cry me a river.

Do you see this filthy, nasty, disgusting cage?

aIt makes me want to hurt someone. It's true. You should pray for me. Right now.

Which brings me to the worst animal in my house.
Yes, a 16 year old boy qualifies as an animal. You know this if you've ever had one.

Food meant to accompany dinner just disappears. An entire pan of focaccia bread. Gone.

aTrash can? Two steps away.

See that butter? The manchildanimus unwrapped that stick prior to gorging himself on waffles. I know this because the wrapper was stuck to the floor. a

This is what I found in his lunch bag this morning.

aIt made my eye twitch. And my stomach burn. He took his lunch in a Target bag. I hope his sandwich gets squished.

If you did not pray for me earlier...

please take the time to do so now.

aI try to avoid Double Shot's bathroom.

aLet's just say that it is a mighty good thing that he is at school.

I really am hoping to read some of y'alls' blogs again someday. Today... I am cleaning. Today... I want to rake my fingernails down my face and pull out my hair. Today... I want to stand in my front yard and holler, "WHY?!?!"


Laura ~Peach~ said...

been there with all but the pets... critters have to stay outside always....
HUGSSSSSSS and a cuppa coffee for you !

claudia said...

I can relate, but this is all my fault, I wanted the critters and got them myself. Cause well...they don't argue and they love me unconditionally and well, they tend to smile even if I am ubber mad about something. AND they never, ever ask for anything that costs money! (except their food)
I have the long living bird, chattering, CHATTERING constantly, I have a rat (I never asked for, but got.) I never touch her. I clean out her cage and talk to her, and make sure she has fresh food and water...but no touching, she is a bald rat..ech! Two dogs, four cats...a horse (but that one doesn't live here and my YD takes care of him.
The worst of the bunch? My OD, who cannot for the life of her grasp the concept of toss it in the garbage can next to you!

Chris H said...

Sorry I am laughing, but I have been there a million times! And I had 2 teenage boys and one girlfriend all messing up my house until recently! And even a TINY dog can trapse mud all over the house! Glad I dont' have the parrot cos it would have died by now! I hate those bird cage messes/smells!!! And as for standing on the lawn and screaming... it does not help! It just lets the neighbours know they were right.... YOU ARE MAD. Have a lovely day now!!! {{{HUGS}}}

noexcuses said...

I'm sorry to be laughing, but I am really right there with you. Kids, pets and most husbands are pigs!

What helps me is I (1) take a deep breath; and (2) thank God for thinking I can handle it, but could he help me out some because I think he may have overestimated my abilities this time...

(I haven't cleaned my son's room in years. He cleans it when he can't stand the stink any longer!)

Karen Deborah said...

um I shouldn't be laughing but
BAWAHAHA do I ever relate.My worst aminamal is PIGLET. Really she is terrible.

Melody said...

I empathize! I have SIX children.

Vitamin B....and chocolate...help me a lot!

MaBunny said...

HEHE , sorry hun, I know you are hacked off, but the way you presented it was pretty dang funny.
Been there done that with the dog thing, and just fyi, cockatiels are sqwakie as all get out too! Especially when you have TWO!!!
Hope your day is better tomorrow. /hugz

Accidental housewife said...

Oh HONEY! Here is a hug for you. I just left my daughter's house where she lives with PigPen her husband. I have a theory about people there are those who step over it and those that bend down and pick it up. When those two mix it makes for a crazy mess.

Trisha said...

Coffee -

I feel for you! I don't have kids but sometimes the two cats make up for it! A big cup of coffee and some REALLY deep breaths. . . . that might help a bit!

I would just put some crime scene tape around that bathroom and call it a day!

When are you getting the camera guided shot? Good luck!

Sandi McBride said...

Ahhhh, you live my life...except the boy animals have moved on to other cages to torture other women...women animals who call me to complain about the lousy upbringing I gave their husbands...I protest that I was busy locking up bad guys, they weren't bad, just misunderstood...and now we have cats. It is to true, we make our own hell.

thislittlepiggy said...

Yet another reason I keep my hair short. That way when I pull it out, it isn't such a mess to clean up! Snort.

Just Me said...

Ummm... If Paco is Double Shot's bird, why are you cleaning his cage?

In no uncertain terms, I'd tell DS that Paco's cage is his responsiblity, and if he can't keep after it, Paco gets a new home.

I'd also skip cleaning his bathroom for a while. Either he'll do it himself, or he'll make a better effort at not being so careless between cleanings.

Coffee Bean said...

Oh Just Me... honey... I most definitely did NOT clean up the cage, the bathroom or the lunch bag! He got busy doing all that after a 30 minute ride from school where he was... ahem... instructed on what he was to do upon our arrival home!

I did pick up the rest myself though. And... I have cleaned his room before when I couldn't take it anymore.

Me clean that bird cage??? uh... no, not ever.

Angela said...

I'm so glad I found you! LOL..I have been telling God, "Lord, I'm going to take pictures of my house and show them 'oh the beautiful parts", than turn around and let them see the 'filth'..I just finished telling the boys, "I will no longer be doing your laundry if your clothes are on the floor". They have a hamper in the 'STINK' room (Karen,,lol, right by the bed, for STINK sakes! Don't get me going on the dogs girl!~ I have two toy poodles. I run a home daycare..They see the family's that come to the house EVERY DAY! YAP YAP YAP..and I'm in the house at 7:30, BE QUIET at the top of my lungs..I DON'T need to stand in the front of the house, the neighbors can hear me quite nicely from the inside!! Padded room you say. I have asked God if I can go there for vacation? I'm adding you to my bloglist so like Karen's blog, I can start from the beginning and read everything,,LOL...You are a blessing. I thank God for His leading..((hugs)) Ok, better go, written a long enough novel here..