I've taken a dive into the deep end of blogging and have had to come up for some air this week... I'm also re-thinking my time management. My other blog is requiring brain effort and with all this economic stuff going on... it is way over taxed. Get it? Ha... Ha... (crickets?)
Anyway, I've also been doing a little soul searching. I was a very social person and for most of my marriage have been constantly told by Mr. Macchiato to let some things go. We kind of had a cycle going where I would re-evaluate and re-structure and then I would slowly add things back onto my plate until it was time to re-evaluate again. Ten years ago we went through marriage counseling and during one of our sessions our counselor pulled out one of those large pads of paper on a tri-pod and wrote down everything I was involved in. At the end he looked at me and asked where I parked my invisible plane. We had a big argument on Labor Day when I found out that 30 people had been invited to the BBQ at our friends' house and then didn't want to go because I didn't know who was going. Mr. Macchiato has been concerned... but, I haven't wanted to hear him.
I've been struggling with my voice for over 5 years now. In December will be the 3rd anniversary since my diagnosis. In my mind, the two years before the diagnosis weren't so bad because I felt the doctor would figure it out and I'd be fixed. When I was told there is no cure and there was no point in my continuing speech therapy I was crushed. But, there was still a glimmer of hope with botox. It took four months before I got a good injection that made a difference. Those months were very hard. With the botox and my chattervox (personal amplifier) things went back to normal somewhat. I had some projects going and didn't feel so helpless.
After being on the botox rollercoaster I decided to stop trying after another failed injection in December of last year. Last year was also my first year not homeschooling after 9 years. Then Chai Tea ran away in January. There is so much I'm leaving out here but... what I'm trying to say is that over the last year particularly I've folded inward. Getting into blogging did a good job of masking the severity of it because I was communicating with others through it and effectively distracting myself from the hard issues in my life.
Well, something happened at the conference in Denver this weekend. I'm not ready to share the particulars... let's just say, it is my most embarrassing story to date... (well, no... my father-in-law walking in my hospital room while I was being catheterized after the birth of Chai Tea is still the most embarrassing). Anyway, it caused an epiphany of sorts. Well... it caused me to see that Mr. Macchiato was right about some things (you know... I really hate it when that happens!).
So... I've decided to stand up like a big girl and do something about it. I joined a bible study, I joined Weight Watchers, I joined Jazzercise, and I'm handing in paperwork to volunteer for Hospice... and I am going to get on the schedule to switch the music up on the wall at church. I also have an appointment to try the botox again on October 15. I'm also going to finish Double Shot's room and the office...
I'm going to keep blogging. It is a positive thing in my life as long as I make sure it stays in its place. I've got a lot of things I need to get in order and I'm still trying to figure out how to work all of that out.
Frappacino is coming home tomorrow. She is heartbroken. We are going to meet in Denver for Double Shot's football game. She needs a new coat. She has some darling sweaters, jackets and a really cute coat but they really aren't appropriate wear for walking/riding your bike around campus. She needs something weatherproof and warm. She'll get to see some of her friends and go to church with us and just get loved on. I am a little worried about what her reaction will be when she sees what Double Shot did to all her pictures of Orlando Bloom on her wall though... He is now sporting unibrows and blacked out teeth... and hair growing out of his ears. Maybe she won't notice...