Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Apparently I am a Big Fat Liar

I really am taking a blog break. I just have to tell y'all about my teasing Double Shot. I drove him and six other football players up to Denver this morning and do it again tomorrow. Yesterday I told him I wasn't going to brush my hair or wear a bra. I am totally laughing typing this. His face!!! Oh, it is just so much fun! I did dress nice, wear make up and blow dry my hair but I kept teasing him on the way to pick up the other boys at the school. Stuff like I was gonna tell the boys to hop onto our hunky boy bus and I made all kinds of what I am sure were super attractive faces.

The thing is... during baseball season Mr. Macchiato and I picked up the managers for the team, a boy and a girl, and took them with us to an away game. It was pretty quiet in the car on the way out so Mr. Macchiato had a Tim McGraw CD playing. It was pretty pleasant and I was enjoying the scenery... and some song came on about making love. I didn't catch it immediately but when I did I quickly changed it to another song. Double Shot was MORTIFIED. No one said anything in the car or to him later when they were away from us but he said his ears got all hot and started burning him. I just laugh and laugh every time I think of it. It was totally unintentional but... WOW! How awesome was that?!?!?! I say ya ain't had a proper childhood unless your parents have embarrassed the crap out of you here and there. Us parents gotta have some perks during the teen years!

So, I'm busy teasing him with my vast supply of scenarios when he brings up the Tim McGraw thing. Oh, that boy put a twinkle in my eye this morning! Then he looked at the CD collection. We were in Mr. Macchiato's Expedition so we could take as many boys as possible. Poor ole Double Shot forgot to throw some of his CD's in there. There was Tim McGraw... nearly every CD he's made. The ones missing were in my car. A ton of Kenny Chesney (not one of my favs), George Straight and George Jones. Now... I don't know why Mr. Macchiato loves George Jones but he does. Personally, I can't take all the whining about boozing and women... that didn't stop Mr. Macchiato from dragging me to a George Jones concert in Philadelphia, Mississippi some years ago. I think we are the only people under the age of 100 that have been to one of his concerts. Everyone there had grey, white or silver hair... except us. And we were in our mid thirties. I seriously considered startin' drinkin' just to get through it. But I digress.

Oh, that poor boy. He opened that compartment 57 times in the hope that some different CD's would appear. We gathered up the boys and stuffed them in... yes, squeezed them in the big ole Expedition. Some of those boys are HUGE. Double Shot loves it when I drive because he gets to sit up front. He's inherited certain traits of mine... such as not liking other people touching him with their bodies when he is sitting next to them. The conversation was hilarious. They, of course, talked mainly football. I don't follow it well enough to understand what all they were talking about... I go to my son's games so I can pray for him and grow some more ulcers. I make him wear a red arm band on his leg so I can pick him out in the piles. I still think a first down is the first time someone falls down. That makes Double Shot laugh. I'm waiting for him to buy me a Football for Dummies book for Christmas. Anyway, they talked about music some. Double Shot listens to mainly Christian music... not hymns or praise and worship... the stuff that you probably wouldn't realize was Christian until you pick out something like, " I LOVE JESUS," being screamed through some pulsating mass of sounds of which you are not certain the origin is. Then they went on to talk about the football camp in Dallas that Double Shot missed because we were in Seattle. Only two of the kids in the car went and the conversation went like this:

Big Cute Kid with Braces (BCK for short): Dude! The people in Texas are totally weird about football! 8,000 people showed up to watch a scrimmage with no pads!

Big Kid who has bad acne (BKwA for short): Dude, it is so like totally hot there. It was 120 degrees. I thought I was gonna die.

BCK: There's nothin down there man. There was like corn fields. Corn fields and Mc Donaldses. All we got to eat was Mc Donalds... well, we got some pizza and chicken once we got there I guess.

BKwA: DUDE! Tell em bout the Mexicans!

BCK: Yeah! Dude! There was this little pick up truck that had mattresses piled in the back and all this luggage tied up all over and you couldn't hardly even see the truck and there was all these Mexicans stuffed in the truck!

BKwA: Yeah Dude! You couldn't hardly even see the truck Dude!

BCK: Them Texans are some kinda crazy bout football. Dang Dude.

You know, I was very happy to do the morning runs. Most of the people that were willing to carpool only wanted to do the evening run. They are at camp from 8:30 am to 8:30 pm. I know what my boy smells like after a two hour practice. It ain't nice. I'll take the morning, thank you very much. I thought I was going to have it foot loose and smell free... because I'm so smart. Uh... someone or two in my group...ummmmmm... apparently did not shower after practice last night, nor bother to smear some pit stick anywhere. Cough. There was an aroma of smelly teenage boy that kept wafting up my way and singeing my nose hairs before I could switch to mouth breathing. The person who drives them home tonight... over an hour drive... is going to be hating life. They will definitely be going with windows down. I'd take bugs in my teeth not to breathe that.

Anyway, I really and truly am on a blog break. I just wanted y'all to know that. OH! I almost forgot to tell you...ohhhhh did this ever crack me up! Double Shot came and whispered to me when all the kids got out... oh my gosh, I am laughing. He asked me to go to the library and get some cool CD's because he now thinks his CD's wont be cool enough. Sorry kid. I have a fine for the amount of money it would cost to inoculate and entire village in a third world country against some kind of disease. Sometimes... being the mom of teens is actually fun! Sigh... I'll be back to crying about it before the end of the day though. But for now, in this moment, I am going to ENJOY!

Big Love to Ya from the NOT blogging unitl Aug. 25 Blogger Liar Person.


AmusedMomma said...

You should definately have given a pee alert for that post! I laughed so hard, but I should've gone potty first!

Grinning at your wonderful life experiences!

Brenda said...

Oh please. You can't stay away from us. Thanks for sharing about your funny adventure.

Debra W said...

Have a good blogging break and we'll see ya when you get back!


MUD said...

It's too damned hot to be outside and do much but blog. If Barry can change, so can you. MUD

Laura ~Peach~ said...

lol LOVE IT!!! thats was soooo worthy!
have a safe drive tomorrow and maybe putting some pit sticks or spray in the truck would be a plan LOL
love ya laura

Flea said...

You are hysterical, woman. I can't STAND the smell of sweaty teenage boys!

Karen Deborah said...

You know the 25th is way past a break; it's a stinkin sabbatical. Professors take sabbaticals. Used to be a student like me, who doesn't know how to spell that word, take breaks like a couple of days, you know maybe a weekend, but a whole month? Are you crazy? Do you want to be admitted to Whitfield? I can't stand it, take it back, go ahead and lie all you want. Your missed do you hear me? MISSED!!!!
COME BACK to bloggy land,...

Chris H said...

For someone on a blog break you sure have a lot to say! Give it up, you can't stay away!

Just Me said...

Thank you for checking in. I was going into withdrawal.

This story had me laughing so hard. I well remember being in car rides with my mom as a teen. I can't wait to afflict my children in the same way.

In my old job, my coworker brought in all sorts of Christian music CDs, and I was really surprised and impressed by the variety of it. It's really a well-kept secret.

Kathy said...

My break is over, just in time to see you declare a break and then not take one. You keep us laughing! Careful with the humiliation of teens, the kids get us back when we are elerly..... ;-)

Becky said...

I left a reply to your comment on my are funny...and I could totally relate! :)

The Maid

Mabunny said...

OMG Coffee! I'm totally cracking up on this post! Hellooo, I'm a Texan!! I'm not that nuts about football, but I SOOO know what yu mean about the Mexicans piled in a truck with mattresses piled sky high!! ROFLMAO, see at least 2-3 of those a day on the highway...What town was the camp in? And yes there are McDonalds all over the flippin place down here.

And in regards to the post before this one... 65 degress? Are you kidding me? OMG! This week is the first where we don't have predicted highs in the 100s!
The hottest its gotten so far in the town where I'm at is 110 with the heat index. Like walking into a hair dryer.
Glad to see you back!