Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Uneducated Housewife's Guide to Politics for the Uninterested, The Introduction

I've been kicking this idea around for awhile now. Well, for a couple of hours. This is an election year and well... I would like to do my part. First of all, I would like to lay out my stellar qualifications for y'all. Just so you know.

I graduated 242 out of a class of around 500 in 1984. That's high school I am talking about. And, if I weren't lazy I would find out the exact numbers. But I am, so I won't. One of my father's favorite things to ask me when I was in high school was, "Are you going to be satisfied with mediocrity?" Apparently so. We moved the day after I graduated from California to Pennsylvania. I did not go to college straight out of high school. I wanted to be a paramedic so I went to an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) class at a Vo-Tech after a stint working in the gift shop of a honeymoon resort in the Poconos. I passed the state test and was issued my official patches. They never made it onto a shirt because my father retired from the Army and we left Pennsylvania after one year.

My father went to college at night while I was in high school and graduated Suma cum Laude (and I totally do not know if that is spelled right or what it means exactly... other than he's smart) with a degree in Finance. He felt that with his success and experience in the Army and his shiny degree that he would get a great job in no time. We spent most of the summer gallivanting around and ended up back in San Diego at my grandparents before school started. Things started getting stressful on the job front. My brothers had been enrolled in school but by the time November rolled around they decided to pack it up and go back north to Seattle. I'd been staying at my aunt and uncle's a few miles away and decided to stay in California until my parents got settled.

I actually went back and forth between there and my grandparents for several months. I looked into work as an EMT and learned that the EMT certification I had worked for was only good in the state of Pennsylvania. I got a job at Burger King. In January my parents bought a house even though my Dad still did not have a job. I flew up the day after they closed on the house and day before our things arrived from storage. We had all been basically living out of suitcases for seven months.

I saw an add for EMT's in the paper and decided to go check it out. The job was for an ambulance company and even though I did not have a Washington certification I thought that maybe they would work with me until I did. I learned that the state requirements at that time were that you had to have three years street experience as an EMT before you could be sponsored to enter a paramedic program at one of three schools in the entire state. I could not get a job as an EMT because I was only 19 and company insurance required EMT's be at least 21. I could have worked as a volunteer but you needed to have your own car, which I did not. So... I got a job at a pizza joint.

I met my husband soon after I moved to Washington. He was dating someone else, but that is a story for another day. Anyway, we became friends and then started dating in July of 1986. Twenty two years ago.

In the fall he went back to his state college two hours away and I enrolled in the local Community College. We got engaged on Christmas Eve in 1987, nearly a year and a half after we started dating. I dropped out of the Community College in the spring of 1988 and spent two months in an eating disorder unit of a hospital which you can read about here. When I got out, I went to work for his Dad as his secretary. In June of 1988 my frat boy president husband graduated from college with a degree in Finance. Don't worry, it wasn't that kind of Fraternity and there was no Frat house. Their parties did include a lot of drinking but they all stood around talking about politics at most of them. The one party that was fun was the last one I was allowed to attend because one of the frat boys tried to pick me up.

In July of 1988 we found out I was pregnant and a week later my parents split. We went through some pretty tough stuff and after three different wedding dates, got married in November. I was six months pregnant and in 3 1/2 years we had three children. Needless to say, we figured out what was making that happen and bought a TV. Sorry. I just had to throw that in there. That was the big joke back then. You know... like, we got asked all the time if we didn't have a TV...ha ha... you got it, right?

We are Christians and have been regular attenders since I was pregnant with our first child. We homeschooled our kids for nine years. My Dad likes to joke that that is how I finally got educated. As you can see from my style of writing I fly a little loose in the grammar department.

So you know up front I find politics to be painfully boring. There are many things in my life that fall into the painfully boring category but are necessary evils of life... such as laundry, cleaning toilets, picking up dog poop, dusting, vacuuming, and when your children are small... changing diapers, cleaning up puke, and continually picking up after them.

I've tried to keep this blog anonymous. I have stated my real first name on here on several occasions... and some of my closest friends and relatives are aware of this blog but it is not something I share with people in my everyday life. If you live in my town and you read this blog and you feel like sharing it with other people in our town... talk to me first. There might or might not be money involved. Okay, there won't be but I make great pumpkin bread and I'll give you some if you keep quiet. All that to say... I must confess a few things. Partly because I am honest and partly because my best buddy in this town reads this and is probably laughing her butt off at the thought of me giving any sort of political tutorial. You see, she's lived here all of her life except for a few years when her kids were tots. She is very politically savvy and one time... I just didn't want to do the research to figure out the local stuff... I may or may not have asked her who to vote for and Mr. Macchiato and I may or may not have taken her advice. And we may or may not have been happy with one of the people we voted for due to her advice. Although, recently, we may or may not have been thinking that maybe it was okay that we voted for him and we may or may not vote for him again. Also... we voted for Ross Perot. And I may or may not have just voted the party line once or twice.

That was cathartic and freeing!

What I want to attempt here is to just give a few little tutorials here and there when I feel like it. Non-partisan, of course. And, hopefully, not boring. And so you know, I'm not one of those wives that just repeats what her husband says... there are many areas we don't exactly see eye to eye on. Eventually, he comes around though. That was to see if Mr. Macchiato is reading. Because I am a girl... well, a woman... but really sometimes still a girl... this will be from that perspective.

So, be on the lookout for the next installment of The Uneducated Housewife's Guide to Politics for the Uninterested, written by the bored housewife who dropped out of Community College and has never made more than $11,000 in one year and that was in 1988. Yeah, I got that little Social Security Statement in the mail today.


MUD said...

One time, a salesman stopped at a rural farm and tried to sell the farmer a tractor. He was invited to supper and around the table sat 10 children the oldest was 18 and the youngest 8. The salesman mentioned that seems like they had a crop a year and the farmer said, "Yes until about 8 years ago when the little wife got her hearing aid". The salesman looked perplexed and the farmer added, " Until she got her hearing aid, I would as her if she wanted to go to sleep or what? She would say WHAT? and danged if we didn't wind up with a household full of kids".
Better'n a TV joke. MUD

AmusedMomma said...

If only laughing that hard really did make my butt fall off!

Just Me said...

Very funny post.

I am not politically savvy, but I try to be.

Up until she died, It wasn't uncommon for my mother to order my sisters and me to vote for a particular candidate. I am proud to say that I recognized the anonymity of the voting booth and did what I wanted.

Now, however, I fear those stormclouds that alway seem to gather over my voting district on Election Day.

noble pig said...

I am in love with you! That was so fun and interesting...you have talent and I can't wait to hear your take on things.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Laxatives? NO WAY JOSE!! I'm a poop camel...I don't poop anyway.

Hallie :)

Becky said...


Two Dogs said...

I just don't want to pay taxes. That is my entire political ideology. I vote for whomever says taxes are bad and those folks have become very rare.

An eating disorder would be worse than the Bubonic Plague for me. I would literally eat the gun if stricken. No, no literally.

Coffee Bean said...


This is just a tongue in cheek launch of a series I am going to do on the blog. I decided to do this on the fly so the outline is only partially formed in my mind. I want to cover U.S. History, Economics, U.S. Government, a little look at the political parties and the candidates running for president. Hopefully, I will be able to lay it down in a humorous and non-boring way. I will not be stating who I will be voting for or bashing anyone. The purpose of this post was to lay it all out there as far as my expertise on the subject and to glory in my vast achievements.

Sue said...

I can't wait for the next installment. My hubby keeps telling me that he wants to run for office on the "Let's stop all the B.S." ticket. I tell him if he runs for office, I'll run away!

I went back and read your blog about the eating disorder...Wow, I give you a TON of credit for putting that all out there, and being so honest. It's not easy to do sometimes.

Ross Perot for President? Yeah, I voted for him too.

Mabunny said...

I loved this post Coffee! It was hilarious!
I do NOT get involved in political discussions with my hubby as I lose everytime, so instead I ask his opinions and i make up my own mind:))
Wll look forward to another installment !

Karen Deborah said...

Politics kill me. you did a good job with a painful subject as they all pad their own whatevers and don't get too much done. Or so it seems. I am grateful that so far no terrorists with machette's are after my neck, as yet. One has to wonder about a guy that runs for office whose middle name is Hussein.
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