Saturday, June 14, 2008

Worst Date Ever

I met Mr. Macchiato when I was 19 and he was 20, so I don't have a long dating history prior to him. I did go on some pretty bad dates though. My absolute worst date ever though, has to be the time I went out with a guy that I cannot even remember the name of now.

I was 18 and we were living in Tobyhanna, Pennsylvania, on a tiny Army depot. There were seven bars in that town and an old time general store. That's it. Thankfully, the depot had a commissary. Otherwise it was a bit of a drive to the nearest A & P. My Dad was a Recruiter and (okay... my Dad is going to give me a hard time because... well, I'm really not sure what all he did because he was just my old Dad, even though he was only 38, and I didn't pay much attention) he went from recruiting station to recruiting station... I think it was Wilkes Barre, Stroudsburg and Scranton. He was kind of the Big Dog Recruiter. He also had to go to Harrisburg quite often. He had to deal with some weird recruiters, but that is a story for another day. Today, I just want to talk about my worst date ever.

We were actually getting ready to move. My Dad decided to retire after that horrible year... again, another story for another day. My family had been invited to dinner at another family's house. A family I regularly babysat for. I'd been asked out on a date by a guy I knew from work. I didn't really like him. I don't know why I agreed. Oh my gosh! I just remembered his name. It was Aaron. Oh! And I just remembered he wrote me a couple of letters after we moved away. He could not spell at all. Anyway, everyone was outside when he pulled up in this junker car. It was kind of the style of the Dukes of Hazard type car only a different color... I don't know what the color it was because of all the rust. My parents' mouths were agape as they stood there in horror as we drove away.

First he took me to this old lady's house. We sat in her front room with her for quite awhile. She had 8x10 photos of her dead Chihuahua on either side of the urn holding its ashes on top of her TV set. Jeopardy was on.

Then he took me to pick up his loser uncle. I know his uncle was a loser because he was in his thirties and hanging out with us on Friday night. Six months before I wouldn't have realized that but I learned a lot after dating the Chaplain's assistant. He was 26 and his name was Phil. I thought I was hot stuff because he liked me. Then he got caught stealing money from the collection plate at church. He also borrowed money from me and never actually took me on a real date in a car. Why? He didn't have a car. He never paid me back either.

So, Aaron (I cannot believe I remembered his name!) and his loser uncle took me to a party in the woods. I'm not joking. There was a big bonfire and beer. The loser uncle bought it. There had to be 25-30 kids there, most of which were still in high school. I was mortified. Apparently, Aaron brought me there to rub it in to some girl and it worked. Four or so girls spent that time giving me the big stink eye. Believe me, I wished I'd stayed home and gone to that other family's house for dinner. I asked Aaron to take me home no less than 25 times.

Once we finally got on our way, the loser uncle said he wanted to be taken home. I don't know why he he had to have his 18 year old nephew drive him around but... he didn't have a car and he probably was on parole or something. Probably for buying under aged kids booze.

I was anxious to get home but while driving down a dark country road we got a flat. For real. There were no street lights and it was dark. Aaron changed the tire. You know, I can't remember if we had a flash light... huh. We must have. Well, you know I did not make my midnight curfew and this was before cell phones. I think it was close to 2 a.m. before he got me home. Every light was on and my parents were both up. He weaseled on out of there pretty fast. My parents were pretty mad. They weren't buying the flat tire story. And my mom let me know that she took all of my new Clinique face wash and make-up and threw it in the dumpster.

This was a very small depot and there were only four culdesacs of housing. In the center of each culdesac there was a dumpster surrounded by a fence. You know where I'm headed don't you? Yeah, I took a dumpster dive. I had spent a lot of money on that stuff and I was getting it back. Do you know what it is like to go through bags of other people's trash and grass clippings in the middle of the night? Not fun! I couldn't find it and my mom caved. She said she set it gently in the left corner of the dumpster. She knew I'd be going after it and she only did that to make a point. What the point was... I don't know. Don't go out with a loser when we are moving in a couple of days or I'll throw your make-up away kind of point, I guess.

Well, I headed back out to the dumpster. While in it I heard the MP's drive up in their truck. Ummmm... some of those guys were cute and I didn't know which ones were on patrol. They stopped, shone their light in on me and demanded to know what I was doing. Let's just say I was glad to leave that town!

So, what was your worst date? Keep it PG though, okay? My kids sometimes read this blog.


Mabunny said...

HAHAHAHA Kelly that was funny, and sad, about the loser uncle...and the date.

My worst was I was about 19 or so and I met this cute guy at a country bar my friends and I were at. He asked me out. I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me he had been in rehab, was I ok with that? yeah, Im not a hypocrite... he was in his early 20s, still living at mom and dads, drove a car, that he had to pay for by the week, so he didn't always have a car... he took me dancing, which I liked to do at a club I was at fairly regularly, and proceeded to not be able to do anything but two step, which I could do but wasn't in my boots that night, and he kept asking me my favoirte song so he could request it for me, but he could never remember the name of it.. too many drugs have we taken?? I mean how hard is it to remember Two Dozen Roses by Shenandoah???!!??? He'd ask me and 5 minutes later try and ask me again. We left the club I told him I didn't feel much like dancing that night, so I guess he thought I meant I was in the mood for other amusements ( read nookie not drugs). Let me tell you that never happened either. We wound up going out for burgers and I was hope by like 11, lmao.

MUD said...

I was asked to go on a double date so this one girl would go out with my best friend. Her friend was so skinny that I thought she would die if I didn't feed her. She had a back brace and some funny appliance in her mouth that made her talk funny. We were at one of the burger joints and she took that appliance out and laid it on the table as we ate. No, she didn't use a napkin to hide it or anything. Gross! No good night kiss for me that night and man was I ever thankful. Now, that same friend did get me a date with "Clydene" and that date was just the best. I am probably her worst date memory. MUD

thislittlepiggy said...

It was a double date. A van and a drive in movie were involved. I was 17. My date was 27 and had more arms than an octopus. Need I go on?

claudia said...

OMG! That had to be so uncomfortable for you! Especially at that age. My worst was when I did a double date with a friend, her boyfriend and a guy they set me up with. We went to dinner at a family style restaurant, and then went and sat at the beach and watched the waves for about an hour, in the car, while the friend and her boyfriend "made out". YAY! I never did that again. I had clothes on that didn't fit me well, and he had a suit on that wasn't really appropriate for the occasion. I guess we were both dating geeks.

noble pig said...

I was wearing all white on a first date and we got out of the car in La Jolla, CA to walk to a restaurant...a truck drove by and completly splattered me in mud...I was covered head to toe...we drove 1-1/2 to go to this really nice restaurant. It was horrible.

April said...

Like you I pretty much only seriously dated the amazing man I married. But I did go out on one really bad date when we were on a break for a while. I can't remember his name and I'm not going to waste brain power trying. I was miserable the entire time. It ended when he asked me if I had anymore gum. I said no. He then asked if the piece I was chewing and had been chewing ALL NIGHT had any flavor left. What a freak.

Renee in Seattle said...

To throw away your make up that you purchased with your own money is the most bizarre, not-related-to-the-crime punishment I have ever heard of. She was trying to make a point? What point?

I never said I was a nice girl growing up, but if my mother had done something like that, she would have woken up with no make up or perfume herself "to make my point" which would have been, don't touch my stuff that I buy with my own money!

And you were 19 at the time!! That just blows me away!!

Flea said...

Oh. My. Word. Like a nightmare, your bad date. All I could think was Uncle Buck and the girl's date with Bug, out in the woods, in the house, Uncle Buck's response. Wow.

I didn't date a lot, so the worst was probably the guy I shouldn't have said yes to either. He was much older, did drugs in his youth. I'd been trying to let him down gently for a year. So we're eating and (you've probably already heard this one) he asks what animal I'd be if I could be an animal. I told him a snake, then extolled the virtues of the snake. He never called again.

If I may be so bold, had you been struggling with the ED long at this point? Working with it now, I think of you in training and out on the floor.

Just Me said...

Oh, man. I've had a lot of bad dates.

The worst had to be when I snuck out on a date with "Richie," (not Rich or Richard, but Richie), a guy my parents forbade me to see. I lied and said I was going to a girlfriend's house.

Anyway, he picked me up down the street in his ugly-nasty green 70-something Ford LTD. That car was the biggest hunk of crap on the face of the earth. His car was not insured or legally registered.

Our "date" consisted of driving around to nowhere with two other friends, watching him steal a fresh set of "temp" plates off another car to put on his own, and breaking down -- twice.

I'd barely made my curfew home, and my mother was FUMING MAD. Uh-oh.

Me: Mom, what's wrong?

Mom: You know what's wrong.

Me: (clinging to life) No, mom, I don't. What's the matter?

Mom: You know what you did. Get out of my sight.

And that's all that was said. I was in DEEP, and I knew it, and I skulked off to my bedroom trying to think of something -- anything -- that might save my skin.

After a few minutes of sweating and desperate thinking, I heard the dryer door slam downstairs.

Aha! Salvation! I returned to the kitchen.

Me: Oh, man. I forgot to take John's shirts out of the dryer!

Mom: Yeah, and he's been (complaining) about it all night!

I immediately returned to my room, uttered several thankful prayers, and vowed never to sneak out again (and I didn't).

And later, Richie turned out to be a total butthead because I refused to sneak out with him again. Fear of my mother was, by far, much greater than what he thought.

He was upset AND he was a dirtbag, so he spent the next couple of days showing up at my house and harassing my family on the phone.

See? Mom knew better after all.

Sheri said...

Worst date ever? Oh wow. Too many to count. Like, now, it's common knowledge with my friends that if someone asks me out, he's got something majorly wrong with him!

How about the date that ended up with his OTHER girlfriend AND wife meeting us at his house?

Or the one where my date's trailer caught on fire?

Or the one that ended up with me having sun poisoning from my date "forgetting" about me napping on the beach and coming back 3 hours later?

How 'bout the one that informed me the shoes he had on he had just found on the side of the road and amazingly they fit?

I'm not picky. If a guy asks me out he must: 1, be taller than me. 2, have all his teeth. 3, have a job. 4, have a driver's lic. 5. Not live with Mama 6. Be a US citizen

All of the above rules have come about because of HORRIBLE dates! Ladies, if you have a good one, hold on to them, 'cause there aren't any left out there!