I met Mr. Macchiato when I was 19 and he was 20, so I don't have a long dating history prior to him. I did go on some pretty bad dates though. My absolute worst date ever though, has to be the time I went out with a guy that I cannot even remember the name of now.
I was 18 and we were living in Tobyhanna, Pennsylvania, on a tiny Army depot. There were seven bars in that town and an old time general store. That's it. Thankfully, the depot had a commissary. Otherwise it was a bit of a drive to the nearest A & P. My Dad was a Recruiter and (okay... my Dad is going to give me a hard time because... well, I'm really not sure what all he did because he was just my old Dad, even though he was only 38, and I didn't pay much attention) he went from recruiting station to recruiting station... I think it was Wilkes Barre, Stroudsburg and Scranton. He was kind of the Big Dog Recruiter. He also had to go to Harrisburg quite often. He had to deal with some weird recruiters, but that is a story for another day. Today, I just want to talk about my worst date ever.
We were actually getting ready to move. My Dad decided to retire after that horrible year... again, another story for another day. My family had been invited to dinner at another family's house. A family I regularly babysat for. I'd been asked out on a date by a guy I knew from work. I didn't really like him. I don't know why I agreed. Oh my gosh! I just remembered his name. It was Aaron. Oh! And I just remembered he wrote me a couple of letters after we moved away. He could not spell at all. Anyway, everyone was outside when he pulled up in this junker car. It was kind of the style of the Dukes of Hazard type car only a different color... I don't know what the color it was because of all the rust. My parents' mouths were agape as they stood there in horror as we drove away.
First he took me to this old lady's house. We sat in her front room with her for quite awhile. She had 8x10 photos of her dead Chihuahua on either side of the urn holding its ashes on top of her TV set. Jeopardy was on.
Then he took me to pick up his loser uncle. I know his uncle was a loser because he was in his thirties and hanging out with us on Friday night. Six months before I wouldn't have realized that but I learned a lot after dating the Chaplain's assistant. He was 26 and his name was Phil. I thought I was hot stuff because he liked me. Then he got caught stealing money from the collection plate at church. He also borrowed money from me and never actually took me on a real date in a car. Why? He didn't have a car. He never paid me back either.
So, Aaron (I cannot believe I remembered his name!) and his loser uncle took me to a party in the woods. I'm not joking. There was a big bonfire and beer. The loser uncle bought it. There had to be 25-30 kids there, most of which were still in high school. I was mortified. Apparently, Aaron brought me there to rub it in to some girl and it worked. Four or so girls spent that time giving me the big stink eye. Believe me, I wished I'd stayed home and gone to that other family's house for dinner. I asked Aaron to take me home no less than 25 times.
Once we finally got on our way, the loser uncle said he wanted to be taken home. I don't know why he he had to have his 18 year old nephew drive him around but... he didn't have a car and he probably was on parole or something. Probably for buying under aged kids booze.
I was anxious to get home but while driving down a dark country road we got a flat. For real. There were no street lights and it was dark. Aaron changed the tire. You know, I can't remember if we had a flash light... huh. We must have. Well, you know I did not make my midnight curfew and this was before cell phones. I think it was close to 2 a.m. before he got me home. Every light was on and my parents were both up. He weaseled on out of there pretty fast. My parents were pretty mad. They weren't buying the flat tire story. And my mom let me know that she took all of my new Clinique face wash and make-up and threw it in the dumpster.
This was a very small depot and there were only four culdesacs of housing. In the center of each culdesac there was a dumpster surrounded by a fence. You know where I'm headed don't you? Yeah, I took a dumpster dive. I had spent a lot of money on that stuff and I was getting it back. Do you know what it is like to go through bags of other people's trash and grass clippings in the middle of the night? Not fun! I couldn't find it and my mom caved. She said she set it gently in the left corner of the dumpster. She knew I'd be going after it and she only did that to make a point. What the point was... I don't know. Don't go out with a loser when we are moving in a couple of days or I'll throw your make-up away kind of point, I guess.
Well, I headed back out to the dumpster. While in it I heard the MP's drive up in their truck. Ummmm... some of those guys were cute and I didn't know which ones were on patrol. They stopped, shone their light in on me and demanded to know what I was doing. Let's just say I was glad to leave that town!
So, what was your worst date? Keep it PG though, okay? My kids sometimes read this blog.