Thursday, May 29, 2008

Let's Play Ball

Double Shot recently played baseball for his high school. The season is now over, however, they have put together a team for the summer that will be starting up soon. Being a freshman, and the kid with the least amount of experience, he spent a good bit of time on the bench. There were some rough days as he struggled with his attitude. At one point, I felt he was more concerned about his playing time than the team as a whole and had a little talk with him.
It is so hard when all you want to do is play and you are stuck on the bench. I understand that. I explained to him that his job was to be ready to play when the team needed him and that that was also a very important position. His team consisted of freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors. Many of those "boys" looked more like men! In fact, one "boy" had more facial hair than Mr. Macchiato has ever had! We did not introduce Double Shot to baseball until he was 12. These other boys had all been playing since T ball. But, the fact that he made the team just wasn't enough to keep his chin up some days.
I was more than a bit frustrated with him. I felt he was being selfish. I was annoyed that we spent all the money and time going to games and he was unhappy. His attitude really got to me. I thought if he would just open his eyes and see that the coaches believed in him, wanted him on the team and were working with him... that his attitude would improve. He really is blessed in so many ways... but... it was all about playing time. It made me angry.
And then... it hit me. What I expected from my son... I did not expect from myself. His struggle with baseball all of a sudden so obviously mirrored my struggle spiritually.
If you have been reading this blog for awhile you know that my Spasmodic Dysphonia diagnosis hit me hard. The day to day living with SD and knowing that there is no cure has been so very hard for me to get through. I hate the way I sound. I hate that in situations where there is any background noise, I cannot be heard. I hate that on days when I'm not thinking about it... someone tells me how awful I sound. I hate that even when I am alone in my house, my phone can ring and have someone on the other end of the line that I don't even know tell me how bad I sound. I get so tired of it!
I want to do what I did before. I want that sense of purpose. I want to be a part of things. I want to be in the game.
But, I've been on the bench. I've been on the bench with a bad attitude. I could only see what I wanted... where I wanted to be and what role, or position, I wanted to be in. I just have not understood.
Just like my son, I am still part of the team. I was taken out for a season but now I need to prepare to be put back in the game. I don't know what position the coach is going to put me in but I do know it is going to be different. I have to stop thinking of myself and what I am going to do... but of the team as a whole and I need to trust the coach... He is going to put me where He feels it is best. I just need to be prepared, aware and ready to be called back into play.
Let's Play Ball.


April said...

I love how you were able to see the similarities in these two situations. That was beautifully written. I think the Coach is using you right now to inspire and bring awareness to others. So rock on with your bad self, you're on your way to MVP!

MUD said...

Could one of those vibrator machines used by cancer survivors help you? You make the sounds with your mouth and the machine makes the noise. Just a thought. Good luck. MUD

Elysa said...

Oh Kelly! I love you!!!! And for what its worth, you've been ministering to and blessing me as long as I've known you, even if you've "been on the bench" part of that time.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

HUGSSSSSSSSSSS you are MVP in my book! what a great post!

Sue said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I've been reading through yours and really enjoy it. You have a wonderful way with words, your really do! I'd like to put you on my list of favorites, if thats ok.

Best wishes,

By the way, your Golden is gorgeous!

Brenda said...

I think we can all identify with your feelings about this. Great visual picture.

Julia said...

Awesome, awesome, awessome! Thank you for reminding us that attitude is everything! Even if we don't get to play! (((((HUGS HUGS HUGS)))))!!!!!!!

Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.


Flea said...

Wow. Did you share that with Double Shot? That's awesome.

Carin said...

So well written. Thank you for sharing. A note for Double Shot... A friend of mine (Shannon MacMillan) that I played soccer with in H.S. went on to play for the National Team and played in two Olympics. She was on the bench a fair bit for the first Olympics. The coach called her in in OT in the semi's and she went in and scored the "golden goal" and the USA won, sending them to the finals where they won and took home the gold. She was known as the Super Sub. It's not easy but be ready, be there for your team, your time will come!

Karen Deborah said...

wow Kelly, that post is not a bench post, it's a home stinkin run! RIGHT ON. AND SD can spontaneously resolve. You just might get well at some point.
Your writing might not be a prolific if you could talk. you are an awesome writer. sometimes one part of us gets broken to make another part stronger. I love how you saw yourself like your son, I hope you told him about it. very cool chica! xoxoxoxo

Becky said...

I love (albeit sometimes painful) the way that God uses real life situations to mirror back to us our attitudes in spiritual matters. It happens often for me. Maybe I am a slow learner! ;)

And not even joking, but how do you know if you have SD? Because I sound horrible in the morning and people are always asking me if I am sick. I get better as the day goes on, but it takes longer and longer to "wake up" my voice these days.

Just a little hypochondriac here.
The Maid

thislittlepiggy said...


noble pig said...

Wow, that must be so hard for you and frustrating. You will do this and survive becuase you are very aware of your feelings.

Just Me said...

Yippee!! Yippee!!

I'm not the aggressive stalker type, but I was utterly crushed when your prior site blipped off the map. I read the comments section of WWOW and your response there rang a familiar cord.

I've been praying for your situation as I last knew of it.

Thank you for not quitting blogging altogether! You have a wonderful writing style.

Trisha said...

God always has a plan - no matter how obscure it might be to us.

Keep thinking positive and try not to get splinters while waiting on the bench!

How was the rest of the visit with the family for the graduations?

Anonymous said...

Wow, Kelly. You're on the way to a book, my friend. This was a great post. Praise God for giving you insight by using your son.