Friday, May 9, 2008

I Love My Dogs...

I love my dogs. I really do. But... sigh. They are A LOT of WORK!!! Benny is 15 months old and 80 lbs. Poor Mr. Macchiato and Double Shot worked real hard last weekend to get all the sprinklers up and working. Benny... well, he keeps digging up around the sprinkler heads they worked on. Our backyard is a mess. Our fence is a mess. Our deck is a mess. And there they are... clueless.

We run the sprinklers at night so the ground is often still wet in the morning. Our dogs are indoors most of the time so that Benny doesn't eat anymore of the siding, dig more holes, kill more bushes, or eat more of the deck. Somehow, he manages to any way. I have a bit of a routine that I go through when I let them back in if their feet are wet or muddy. If their feet are wet I just rub them dry with a towel. If they are muddy... oy...

1. I fill a bucket with warm water.
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2. I get a towel, the bucket of water and I sit on the floor real close to the back door.
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3. I throw the throw rug to the side so it doesn't get dirty.
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4. I lean close to the glass and lock eyes with the dogs. I ask them to please cooperate.
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5. I slowly open the door (sometimes it helps to be an amazon queen because I can still do this with my rear planted on the floor) and grab Lu Lu's collar with my right hand and quickly shut and bolt the door with my left. I have to do this because both dogs can open the door. Benny gets upset and presses his head to the glass and paws at the door.
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6. Lu Lu whines and yipes as she flips on her back and sticks her paws in the air. That works when the paws are just wet, but they are muddy so I have to wrestle her into a sitting position on my lap. She kicks the bucket of water, spilling half of it. I say bad words.
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7. I wrestle her some more and get her paws, one by one, down into the water where I massage all of the mud out of all the little crevices.
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8. I thoroughly dry all of her paws. Then she wriggles around and yipes some more and kicks the bucket of nasty water, spilling more of it onto the floor, me and herself. I say more bad words and I clean her up and dry her off.
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9. I put Lu Lu in her crate.
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10. I dump out the little bit of remaining dirty water from the bucket and feel it with clean, warm water. I mop up the mess on the floor with the towel and go get another towel for Benny.
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11. I sit back down on the floor. Benny is leering at me through the window panes on the door. I take a deep breath and say a little prayer. I ask for forgiveness for the bad words. I count to three...
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12. I open the door and Benny bursts through it. I grab his collar with my right hand and shut his tail in the door with my left. I open the door back up to let his tail out while he twists around and my fingers get twisted in his collar causing me to whimper and yipe. I get the door shut and yank him around in front of me. He knocks the bucket of water, spilling half of it on the floor and on me.
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13. I tell him to sit 3,217 times.
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14. He finally sits and is actually fairly cooperative for the front paws. He looks into the bucket of water and seems to thoroughly enjoy his foot massage. He then leans down and takes a few slurps. He looks up at me and I melt into his wonderful brown eyes. He then leans his head on me and gives me a Benny hug.
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15. I say, "I love you Booper." He starts to wiggle and I am yanked back into the task at hand. I have him stand and try to position him to get his back paws into the dirty water. He no longer cooperates.
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16. I grab hold of one of his back legs and he twists around making me afraid I am going to break his leg. I don't let go because I don't want him to get loose and get mud on my carpet. I say bad words.
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17. I finally get the foot in the water and he stops to enjoy his his foot massage. He has to be wrestled to the floor and put on his back before I can dry it. I notice his teeth need brushing.
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18. I go for the last muddy paw. It is his paw that is missing a toe. We didn't notice it when we got him. We don't mind. It's just something else to love about him. He is done. He wants no more of the paw washing. More wrestling, more bad words and more dirty water spilled. But... I win.
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19. I grab his toothbrush. He gets excited because he likes dog toothpaste. It tastes like chicken. The trick is to actually get the brush and the toothpaste to make contact with the dirty teeth. It's a struggle and I don't think it really happens. Benny eats the toothpaste and smiles at me.
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20. I put Booper in his crate, clean up the mess and take a shower... and pray they take very long naps and don't need to go back in the backyard for awhile.

11 comments:

Laura ~Peach~ said...

but but but they are just soooo darn cute :)
funny I can so picture this and I apologise for laughing but, I can't help it!
HUGSSSSS
Laura

Mabunny said...

LOL, dogs are such a pain in the butt, but they are so worth our time.
My littlest one I want to strangle every freaking morning, because she wasn't trained properly to NOT use the potty in the house. She will go outside, but during the night inevitable she will poo and/or pee in our hallway, which is tiled.
But I love the big brown eyes, peering at me scared she wil get in trouble. I love the way she yelps when I come home like shes been abandoned for a week , lol.
She wasn't given much love by her former owners, so I know she is happy to be loved, and i cna handle a pile of poo or whatever for that cute face:))

Trisha said...

Ya gotta love 'em!

Aren't pets such an enrichment to our lives?

Brenda said...

I love big dog's personalities. I can see it in your dog's eyes. We have 2 tiny dogs though. They are much easier to take care of.

MUD said...

I always find it funny when people bring their pets into the house and then have problems with them being there. Dogs love to be outside and with the right shelter and a little straw will stay there gladly. My dogs are in an electrified (electric cattle wire) pen and they never come in.
I love Golden's but right now have two black labs. Other than the tick problem associated with dogs here they aren't any problem. MUD

Pioneering in PA said...

Uhh yeah. My 80 pound Mutt stays outside. He will be turning 9 months old, and really hasn't hit his growth spurt yet. It makes me cringe.

Being in the country, he has 5 acres to roam at his leisure, and plenty of warm shelter. He is fed daily, and will lick anyone coming to our house until they turn and run.

He was an awesome goat herder for us. Somewhere along the lines, each time the goats would hop the fence, he would corral them for me and drive them back to the pen by nipping at their heels. He was half the size then that he is now, but he loved it!

Sometimes I wish I could be a "dog loving" type of person who lets them in, and cleans the mud off their paws. I can't do it. I dislike dogs lol.

But, for the sake of fairness, I don't allow our cats in either. And I'm a cat lover.

We do have one in the house right now, but she is pregnant (bad kitty) and we don't want her delivering outside so the kittens are wild. We are going to send them off to new families, then have her spayed. Along with her Queen Sheba-ness sister!

Great post!

Coffee Bean said...

When we lived in warmer climates our dogs were mainly outside dogs. Of course, Benny is a puppy and has only known here. It is too cold here to leave them outside during the winter and in the summer we have freak hail storms and a lot of lightening. We do have a dog house outside for when we do leave them out there.

Truth is I am a bit of a control freak about the dogs. I have a $700 air purifier I keep right by their crates (we call it the gizmo) that takes their odors away. I do not ever let them roam about without being watched. I do not allow them on the furniture (although they get up on people's beds when invited... I don't like that though). In fact, I don't even let them nap on the carpet... if they start falling asleep they have to go into their crates.

My parents didn't let us have many pets growing up. The few pets we had were very short term. I think the longest we had a pet was just over a year. Our house was very, very clean. My house is not nearly as clean as mine was growing up (my motto is "Clean enough to be Healthy, Dirty enough to be Happy"). However, I think I am hypersensitive to that kind of mess and smells. I could never work in a vet office because the smells make me want to puke.

Karen Deborah said...

I had no idea. I thought I was the only perosn on this planet who wrestled 4 dog paws into a bucket of water, one at a time of course.
Holes in the yard? Chewing? My hubby is threatneing to let our entire beautiful yard just die because there are a few holes. I refill them. I'm trying to train her! Don't ya just love it when they lean on ya? Awhhh doggies.
I am refusing to comment about the amazon woman part, sheeesh.
It's worth it, all the mess, the mud, the chewing, the worming and even barfing on the rug. Pee is hard to take, thank God Lu finally quit that.
Brushing teeth? I actually developed a technique that works really well. I gently keep their muzzle closed with one hand. With the other I can move the brush inbetween the lips carefully and not to hard. Then I get a quick swipe on the insides of the teeth before the whole thing goes amuck. I don't let them eat hardly any toothpast so I just use Crest or colgate whatever. It's nice to smell a little mint on the dog breath. I barely put any on the brush. Rasmus never minded. I have done Lu once I think and she was good. I need to start her at least once a week. ANOTHER project.
How's the computer situation looking?
Humm dogs that LIVE outside? Maybe on a farm. Mine is stuck to my hip and I like like that. MY house does not stink. I have the air purifer too. I'll sell one to anybody that wants one and at a reduced price. But seriously if we didn't bathe we would stink too. It's amazing what a regular bath does for a doggie. Big poodles don't shed. They are smart and have a great laid back big dog personality. Lots of grooming though, lots, did I mention grooming?

Anonymous said...

gerI apologize in advance if you find this offensively .

We have had mostly large dogs, Collies, German Shepherds, a Chow. I really believe in consistent training.

Our dogs were all taught to sit/stay before being allowed to pass through an exterior door, in either direction. It was our decision when they went through and they waited for it. All of them were trained to walk at heel, of course sit, lie down, stay, wait for permission to eat, come when called, etc.

Truly, consistent training can change a bounding tornado (or even two of them) into a mannerly family member. And you can summon the tornado back by a simple release command, if you wish. It makes your life so much simpler.

I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all, but you can learn to do this by reading how-to books. It is how I learned. It is also fun.

Flea said...

Geez. It wasn't till spring in Tulsa that we discovered muddy paws. And I've never, till now, been grateful that we DON'T have a dog door. Can you imagine? When the dogs have muddy paws, I towel dry them then lock then in the bathroom for awhile with the fan on. It's easier to just mop the bathroom floor later.

Coffee Bean said...

Hey Anonymous,

No offense taken. A smart person would train Benny... and I do own many books on how to do so... however, training Benny is on this list (Lu Lu really isn't a problem):

1. Start Diet
2. Exercise
3. Train Benny