Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Do it Anyway
I've loved this song from the moment I first heard it... but at the same time it hurt to listen to it. When Martina McBride gets to the line about singing anyway I am always reminded that this is an impossibility for me. I never was a good singer but I did thoroughly enjoy myself when singing along to the radio or CD's when I was alone and along with everyone else at church. Now, I can't even sing Happy Birthday to my kids before they blow out their candles. They say you don't realize what you've got until it's gone. How true that is.
I have had a really hard time going to church for the last several months. I've gone anyway, although I have missed more than I ever have before. Worship has been so painful for me for the last several years. Not only can't I sing along with everyone else, but a lot of the time I get some sort of interference in my ear that is always annoying and sometimes painful. I have to plug my ears just to listen. It is as if all I've lost is thrust before me and it hurts.
I used to be involved in a ministry to inner city/homeless children. I used to teach Sunday School. I used to do a lot of things... In my lowest moments I feel rejected by God... I just don't understand.
This last Sunday I worked in the sound booth at church. I just put the words to the songs up on the screens. It is pretty easy but a lot more complicated than I thought at the same time. You really have to pay attention to the songs. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt like I was a participant in the corporate worship of our church... and it felt good.
I've been thinking about this song a lot. I might not be able to sing out loud... but my heart...my soul... is singing anyway.