Saturday, April 19, 2008

The Wooden Spoon

Years ago, when my children were 4, 3 and 13 months, my mother and father in-law rented a very large cabin on Priest Lake in Idaho. The kids, their spouses and their children all came together for a week long family reunion. We had all done this before but this was the last time we went.

Toward the end of the week I was in a jet ski accident and was taken by helicopter to Spokane, Washington. I had broken my back. We were living in California and in the process of buying our first home. The majority of both of our families live in Seattle so that is where we went when I was released from the hospital. I stayed in Seattle with the kids for two months while my husband went back to work in L.A.

Our mothers and my sister-in-law took on caring for the kids and me. I was in a metal brace for four months and in the beginning was not even able to go to the bathroom by myself. Being the only girl in my family and raised by a very proper mother, I never undressed in front of anyone (no, not even my husband. The stork brought us children). I could not shower and dress myself. It was a very humiliating and eye opening time for me.

Before my husband went back to L.A. I was in a panic. He had been taking care of the bathroom stuff. That was horrendous enough... the thought of anyone else doing that was more than I could bear. I had to figure out how to take care of that myself.I had a bright idea. I had my husband go to the store and get the longest handled wooden spoon he could find, a large box of baby wipes and a big bag of rubber bands. Wellah! I solved my problem. I even wrote "butt wipe" on the handle of the spoon with a sharpie.

Some years later... five or more... I got a call from my sister-in-law. She had been over to my mother-in-law's with her sister and they were making macaroni and cheese. When her sister tasted it she noticed some writing on the handle of the spoon. Yeah. It was the butt wipe spoon. Somehow it had ended up in our mother-in-law's kitchen drawer. True story.

15 comments:

Brenda said...

Ewwwwwwwwwww. Nancy Thomas tells a story of one of her kids with RAD who cleaned the toilet with her toothbrush and didn't tell her for a long time. I wouldn't like having someone help me with that "activity" either. You are not alone there. What a terrible accident. My answer is all over the place.

Anonymous said...

I just read your comment on PW so I came over to check out your blog...I have to say that you have a very funny story to tell after all the bad stuff was dealt with. AND I'm glad I'm not your mom-in-law. I'll be back to read more...Mamadallama

Karen Deborah said...

YUK! you maybe could've had a nice little fire with that spoon. EEWWWW maybe they sould go get wormed,......umm and remind me not to ever eat macaroni and cheese at anyone's home in Seattle. Maybe I'll just skip Seattle. Maybe you should take your clothes off and forget about the poo. Go ahead you've been wanting to run around nekkid since your were two.

MUD said...

If you listen closely you'll hear me laughing tomorrow. Butt wipe spoon my ass! MUD

Junebug said...

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......that is beyond gross and funny.

Flea said...

bwahahahaha!!!

I can't even imagine how - or whether - that worked. Don't want to know. Lalalalalala! I love that you didn't dispose of the spoon and that it took so long for it to be discovered!

tj said...

...EWWwwwwwwWWWWW! Now that'll make your butt pucker! Holy moly! lol... ;o)

...Gross story and I'm not so sure about thanking you for sharing it at this point and time... ;o)

...Blessings... :o)

Kathy said...

I was reading along, expecting some wondeful insight or lesson you learned after that horrid accident and having to depend on others..... them wam I'm hit up side the funny bone with a butt wipe spoon. You are too funny my friend. Are these really all true stories? I am kind of hoping that you just have an over active imagination and that all of the crazy stuff has not really happened.

Coffee Bean said...

I'm sorry Kathy. All of my stories are true. I'll let you know when I tell a made up one. It'll go something like this...

I made it to the end of the day without spilling anything on my shirt.

Chris H said...

I finally got around to checking you out! You sound like a neat lady... love the story about the butt spoon!!! When I was very very BIG I almost had to resort to using something like that cos I was struggling to 'reach' past me huge tummy! Ewwwww to the spoon ending up in use in your Mother-in-laws kitchen... that would be enough to put me right off!!!! I think it is every person's nightmare to not be able to 'tend to themselves' in the bathroom .... hope you have had a neat weekend chick.

thislittlepiggy said...

BWAHAHA! I'd like to know how it ended up in the drawer over at your mils house! BWAHAHA!

FatcatPaulanne said...

Thanks, I needed that laugh out loud moment today.

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

That's as bad as the kitty litter spoon, one of these metal spoons with holes in it, ending up in the kitchen utinsel drawer. Not my story and luckily I have forgotten who used the spoon or I would go green every time I saw them.

I think you were darn clever, myself. The back healed okay? Very scary.

Angie said...

lol! (And I really did). That's a great story.

Angela said...

Oh my gosh,,first I'm ready to bawl just picturing you Coffee, your back broken, and than I'm thinking, "OH Lord, she could have drowned and died in that accident". I'm thanking God that Karen led me to this post because I've learned even more about you, and it draws me closer. Than my heart breaks more thinking about the bathroom experiences. I can't even poo in front of anyone, let alone let them wipe me. Than I picture you with the wooden spoon, well I'm not sad anymore, because I'm starting to crack right up, but have to watch because my back is really sore today. Well than I read on about the macaroni and cheese. THIS is definitely the story I'm reading to Randy,,LOL>
Ok, I'm off to read another caca story, I mean poo (I guess caca is Canadian, Italian thing,,LOL)