Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I Embarrass Myself

I've got a busy day and was pulling a blank on what to blog about so I pulled this out from the old blog. It's kind of nice to have a stash of blog stories! I apologize to those who read this blog that also read the old one.

Yesterday, we had some people over that we know from football at our son's school. Fly Boy and Chai Tea had plans and were here when the people arrived. I was introducing the lady to Chai Tea and Fly Boy and I could NOT think of his name... all that was coming to me was Fly Boy. It was obvious and Fly Boy said his own name. I was flustered and told him I was sorry... I just always refer to him as Fly Boy... and my mind went blank... and my cheeks and ears got hot. What the heck?!?!? Why did I tell him I call him Fly Boy when he's not around?

Update: Chai Tea and Fly Boy are still together and planning on getting married although he is now in another state and she is not living with us.

Last week, Mr. Macchiato and I were at Blockbuster. We tried Blockbuster online but we kept getting broken DVDs, so we cancelled it. Our Blockbuster Rewards recently expired so every time we go in they ask if we want to renew. We haven't because everyone we know that has NetFlix says they have never gotten broken DVDs, so we are going to try... only we haven't signed up yet. So, we are standing at the counter and we get asked again if we want to renew. I told the guy, "No, we are going to sign up for NetFlix but haven't gotten round to it yet." The guy stood there blinking at me and Mr. Macchiato went on and on in the car because he couldn't believe I said that to him. When I went in the other day, that same guy was watching me.

Update: We still have not signed up for Netflix and that same guy still stares at me whenever I go in.

Sometimes we have to do schmoozie stuff. A couple of years ago, we were invited to go out to dinner and then to a Nuggets game in Denver. The wife of the guy schmoozing my husband sat next to me. She was very friendly and asked a lot of questions. I am very soft spoken (on the old blog I did not reveal I had SD until the end) which I think she took to mean I also couldn't hear. She kept laying her hand on me and repeating what others at the table were saying. She also took to calling me Honey and Sweetie and Darlin'. When she learned that we homeschooled our children, she then took to not only repeating what was being said, but explaining what it meant. She was one of those types that calls her dishes by the name of the designer and I'm just not like that. She started talking about an upscale shopping center and wanted to know if I'd been there. I couldn't help it... I said, "Gee, I always say if you can't get it at Wal-Mart then you just don't need it!" Which garnered me THE LOOK. from Mr. Macchiato and elicited much nervous laughter from the other couples. I also got THE TALK, in the car on the way to the Nuggets game, on the way home, and whenever he remembers it.

THE TALK, started years ago in Mississippi. We had not been living there that long and Mr. Macchiato's boss liked to have these impromptu get togethers at the University Club. This was a super fancy restaurant on top of the tallest building in Jackson. Having lived in Seattle and L.A., it was kind of funny to us. I'm just not the schmoozie type. I think it is all silly. And stupid. And weird. So, we were at this loooooooong table with all these other couples and the wine was flowing and I had some. I don't normally drink (although, I love to talk about drinking). The boss was at the head of the table and the talk turned to Jean Tripplehorn. I said, "Wasn't she the actress in that horrible Waterworld movie?" Y'all remember that movie, right? The one with Kevin Costner? Well, when we saw that in the theater, I got in trouble for making comments about how stupid it was because the people in front of us kept turning around to look at me. I'm sorry. But, where did they get the gas for the jet ski's if the whole world was under water and had been for a jillion years? Where did they get the cigarettes? Why did the Jack Daniels still have the labels on the bottles? That movie was just dumb. And I got to experience Mr. Macchiato's hot, wet whisper in my ear telling me to shut up and to "suspend my disbelief" so I (meaning he) could enjoy the movie. It was horrible. Had I been there by myself, I would have left. Well, everyone, and I mean literally everyone, whipped their heads my way. Forks were suspended mid air. Eyes were bulging. The guy sitting next to me said, that's so and so's favorite movie. I laughed and said, "No way could that be his favorite movie! That has to be the stupidest movie ever made!" The incredulous look on this guy's face that slowly turned to suppressed glee told me I'd made a big mistake. That and the kick from Mr. Macchiato I got under the table. I slowly looked around the table at each face until I reached the face of my husband's boss. Nervous laughter broke out amongst some and deep belly laughs erupted from others. I drank more wine. Apparently, the boss LOVED Waterworld and talked about it ALL THE TIME.

Update: There are a few upsides to my having SD... like the fact that the things I say aren't always heard.


RANGER said...

This is all new blog stuff to me as I just found you a few days ago on PW's site. And I am amazed at how open and courageous you are. You, also, are "keepin' it real!"

Mabunny said...

I so know what you are talking about. My husband tells me to get to the point all the time. I guess I just put too much info into my stories, lol. I also embarass myself as well as he and my daughter from time to time. You have SD, so sometimes you speak quietly. I don't thin I could talk softly if you gave me a kajillion dollars.
My mouth has alwasy gotten me in trouble, either for what I said or that I said it to loud:))
Glad the counseling went ok :))

thislittlepiggy said...

First time reading it for me! I can SO relate. I have a neurological disorder that causes me to have little glitches in memory. When I'm under pressure, it's worse. I can't remember names of people and things and embarrass myself terribly. So far, Jay hasn't given me THE TALK. Should I be looking for it? LOL